Mog’s Christmas Calamity

Just as readers in the UK (and there are several, or more) may not have been aware of Zebra & Giraffe’s new single, which I shared yesterday, so readers in SA (yes, I haz them too) might miss the Sainsbury’s Xmas ad if I don’t share it on here. So, here we go:

Aww. What a wonderful story. And what a lucky cat.

The John Lewis Man on the Moon ad which I shared last week has come in for a lot of criticism via the social media mob (see how zeitgeist I am?), namely because it set out to highlight the plight of elderly people who might be lonely at Christmas time, but it didn’t come for free. In fact, apparently allegedly, it cost £7 million to make: cue angry people telling us that the money would have been better donated to charities helping elderly people to be less lonely this Christmas. And maybe it would, but that’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works. That money belongs to John Lewis, and – maybe you need to take a seat before I reveal this next fact, folks – they can do whatever the fuck they like with it. It’s not their responsibility to make sure that old people aren’t lonely this Christmas. It’s not specifically anyone’s responsibility, (which is basically the root of the whole problem). But people in glass houses etc: What were you doing about it before the mildly creepy Man on the Moon made you realise that some elderly people might be lonely this Christmas? What are you doing about it now?

Hmm. Exactly.

I now await, with some anticipation, those same individuals going after Sainsbury’s, whining that they could have spent their advertising budget on buying smoke alarms for apparently otherwise fairly well-off households in middle England. Or that the Ad Wizard should have saved his travel budget and not rented that casino, instead providing a Slovenian dancing girl and a bottle of budget brandy to everyone in Struisbaai, or some equally random SA village. (Obviously, while I disagree with the reasoning behind this argument, I’d actually love to see the results were it actually to be done) (as opposed to the smoke alarm thing, which would be dull.)

Whatever. I tire of this constant requirement to find fault with anything and everything.

Why can’t we just enjoy these ads for what they are: Mog’s Christmas Calamity for being a wholly implausible but eventually rather endearing story of community spirit at Christmas time, and Man on the Moon for being a rather dodgy looking, apparently undead pensioner spying on a young girl with a hugely powerful optical device?

How to spend money

So there I was, just wondering what to do with this MASSIVE PILE OF SPARE CASH I have filling up the living room at home, when this helpful article came along. Because, having just dropped a cool 178,472,341.54 South African Rand on my new yacht

Her generous outdoor spaces playing host to a wide range of amenities and ample space for sunbathing and relaxation; the spacious, covered al fresco dining area offering stylish furnishings and ample seating for any time of day whilst on the lower aft deck a large garage houses a large tender [careful now, Mr Malema] and a variety of water toys and diving equipment to keep even the most restless travellers entertained.

…I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do with the rest of my cash.

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Until, like I said, this helpful article came along, nestling under the “Luxury Yacht Advice” heading. These articles are so full of useful information, as those who remember the classic “6 tips for storing wine aboard your superyacht” will recall.

One yacht owner tells me of the occasion he uncorked a double magnum of 1990 Tignanello. “The bottle itself looked stunning,” he says. “We had moored at dusk just outside Stromboli off the coast of Sicily, and the moment the bottle was uncorked one of the island’s volcanoes started erupting, and there we were with a grandstand view. We stormed our way through the vino and it was the most spectacular sight I have ever seen.

Yes. I once stormed my way through almost a whole 70cl bottle of 2011 Klipdrift outside the 7/11 on Wynberg Main Road one Friday evening and there were some pretty amazing sights that night too, so I can totally relate.

He also believes a superyacht is not the ideal place to be serving one’s 1961 Château Lafite. “Not that we do ourselves badly,” he hastens to point out. “I’ll go to Corkers or Sardinian Wine Services and order wines such as Ornellaia, Tignanello and Sassicaia for the reds, some fine Antinori whites, Whispering Angel rosé and plenty of Bollinger. I can always drink the Lafite when I get home.”

Well, of course. Who’d risk the Lafite out on the open water?
Something we can all learn there, I feel.

But back onto the issue of my MASSIVE PILE OF SPARE CASH and what I’m going to do with it: well, it’s all going on razor wire and bulletproof cling film for my yacht’s windows, apparently.

See, the problem with yachts is that they’re purposely designed to be easy to get on and off. And they’re not very fast – my new one has a top speed of just 16 knots, which is less than 30kph. All of which is great when you’re lazily wandering from port to port somewhere on the French Riviera, but less good when you’re trying to not let pirates storm your yacht, steal your Bollie, your Klipdrift and your other posh stuff.

Hence this sort of delightful addition to your larny boat:

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Sure, it might look a bit ugly, but it will not only keep Captain Blackbeard off your superyacht (unless they cunningly go round the end of it), it’s also brilliant at repelling #FeesMustFall demonstrations, the presence of which on your poopdeck can have a serious detrimental effect on your standing in superyachting circles.

Two seagulls, one stone. Winning.

Keeping The Lights On

One of the benefits of being over in the UK recently was that I was able to pick up the latest copy of Private Eye magazine. I used to be a subscriber, but found that the postal delay rendered much of the content dated and irrelevant. If ever there was a case for a publication having a digital edition, Private Eye are it. Topical satire simply doesn’t age well.

But I digress. Often.

There was a column in it written by ‘Old Sparky’, entitled “Keeping The Lights On”. It was very interesting to read it as a SA resident. It’s probably a bit long to add into a blog post, to be honest, but I’ve never been one to abide by the petty unwritten rules around blogging, so here is it, in its entirety – I’ll see you for more comment on the other side:

WHEN the authorities make contingency plans against predictable disasters, we all applaud their foresight. Which catastrophes they are thinking about, however, can be revealing and give cause for concern; and right now the government is working on the possibility of a five-day nationwide power blackout – putting all its breezy denials of the lights going out into perspective.

As frequently noted here, energy policy since the dreadful Energy Act 2008 has resulted in the safety margin between reliable electricity generating capacity and peak demand becoming progressively and dangerously tighter. A 20 percent margin would be considered comfortable; but this winter it will only be 1.2 percent – down from 4.1 percent last year – before the National Grid takes special short-term measures.

Homes and hospitals
The grid has recently been bolstering its emergency resources with banks of diesel generators and the right to switch off industrial customers. Publicly the government always insists “the lights will stay on” – in homes and hospitals, that is. But it’s a costly, third-world way to run a grid in a supposedly advanced economy: and now we know they obviously don’t think it is guaranteed to work.

Papers seen by Private Eye indicate that the Cabinet Office and Treasury combined are planning for a scenario in which there is a five-day nationwide blackout with only small stand-by generators working. The detailed consequences they envisage include:

  • No landline telephones available to businesses or homes
  • Mobile phones with voice-only service (not data)
  • No street lights, traffic lights or public transport
  • Two-thirds of petrol stations closed
  • Shops open only sporadically and unreliably
  • ATMs unavailable, with cash running out fast

This would most probably happen in winter. It goes without saying that such a situation would also bring about ghastly accidents and loss of life, with the emergency services much constrained in their ability to cope. The implications for industry, commerce and public order are grim, too. If it’s any comfort, the German authorities – based on their own crazy energy policy – are looking at very similar scenarios.

With all this at stake, as prudent as it may be to plan for potential calamities, it would surely have been better to render the blackout scenario redundant by properly ensuring security of electricity supply. The current combination of intermittent wind farms, ageing nukes, fast-closing coal-fired power stations and mothballed gas-fired plants doesn’t do that: and privately the government knows it.

Yeah. We think that SA is the only one with problems like these. But there’s a real danger that the UK could experience some form of load-shedding this winter as well. (Regular readers shouldn’t find this news surprising.)

When similar ‘disaster’ plans made by Eskom and the SA Government became public knowledge, there was considerable disquiet and some small degree of panic (probably mainly thanks to scaremongering headlines). Sales of tinned goods reached heights not seen since 1994 and we all waiting to be plunged into dark, apocalyptic anarchy.

It didn’t happen.

Yet.

SA signed up (or didn’t sign up, depending on whom you choose to believe) for 4 new nuclear power stations, designed and supplied and ostensibly run by a foreign power – Russia. (Ironically, the UK has pretty much done the same thing with China and France.)

The cost of this SA/Ruskie venture? A tidy One Trillion Rands. It’s a lot of money, but the issues are not specifically around the cost, but (as you will read here) mainly around the safety of nuclear power stations and the potential for widespread corruption. Thing is though, the safety issue isn’t actually an issue – one only has to look at the still completely unexploded Koeberg Power Station to see that. And the corruption thing, while entirely valid, has got very little to do with this specific deal, and would be a problem no matter what large scale civil engineering project was being undertaken, and by whomever. That’s how these things work in SA. It’s sad, but it’s true.
So your plans for a ‘super clean’, ridiculously big, massively inefficient solar plant would attract the same problem. Your unpretty, flying thing killing, massively inefficient wind turbine plan will also be loaded with backhanders. But Greenpeace will probably choose to ignore that.

Large scale projects are expensive. Producing electricity is expensive. It’s something we have to accept though, because these are things that we need. People with trendy, fleetingly zeitgeist ideas like diverting that Trillion Rand to tertiary education are missing the rather obvious point that without some form of generating more electricity, there will be nothing for their newly graduated thousands to do in an economy that’s lying in small bits and pieces all over the bottom of Africa.
Yes, of course this situation could definitely have been better managed – it could still be better managed – but we need to do something, because otherwise we’re going to end up implementing that Eskom blackout plan.
And that is not a road we want to be going down.

PDF of the Private Eye article.

Kirstenbosch Summer Sunset Concerts 2015/16

“IT’S SUMMER TIME!” he screamed, prematurely.

And so yes, these ARE the droids dates you are looking for:

large_Logo Kirstenbosch Summer Sunset Concerts

2015

22 Nov: Freshlyground
29 Nov: Zonke Dikana
6 Dec: Arno Carstens Music
13 Dec: Mango Groove
17, 18, 19, 20 Dec: Carols at Kirstenbosch
27 Dec: Jimmy Nevis
31 Dec: New Year’s Eve concert: Jeremy Loops / Grassy Spark

2016

3 Jan: The Parlotones
10 Jan: Prime Circle
17 Jan: Karen Zoid and Francois van Coke
24 Jan: Mi Casa
31 Jan: The Soil
7 Feb: Cape Town Folk ‘n Acoustic Music Festival
14 Feb: Matthew Mole / Rubber Duc Music
21 Feb: GOLDFISH
28 Feb: The CapeTown Philharmonic Orchestra
6 March: Shortstraw / The Plastics
13 March: Al Bairre / Bye Beneco
20 March: Zebra & Giraffe/ Monark
27 March: Beatenberg / John Wizards
3 Apr: The December Streets / The Vanilla

 

Tickets: www.webtickets.co.za

Ticket prices vary, but are mostly are mostly R80 or R110 for kids (6-21 years old, with ID) and R110 or R150 for adults.
Exceptions are the New Years Eve special (R330pp) and The Parlotones, who have to charge a bit more than everyone else because they have their massive egos to service (R140-R175).

As ever, book soon or miss out.

Money for words

Not an advert. OK, a bit of an advert.
Just sharing a few lines from a post I did a while back:

This blog isn’t, as I have been forced to point out several times, my job. For me, it’s a hobby, it’s mostly enjoyable and it allows me to speak my mind when no-one else will listen. Quite regularly, no-one listens on here either, but that’s not the point. When people do listen, it’s also provided opportunities to meet and engage (digitally, at least) with a huge number of interesting people in many different places, with many different viewpoints. I like that.

Also, it doesn’t provide much income – there [were] google ads dotted around and occasionally, people get in touch wanting paid links or sponsored posts. I can choose to be very selective with these, because I know that the blog isn’t my source of income, and I’ll always tell you if I am endorsing a product in exchange for cold, hard cash of course.
It doesn’t happen very often, but if it does no harm, why would I not want to earn a bit of beer money?

Some of you will have noted that I did one of these sponsored posts recently. And why not? They write it, I correct their spelling errors and click publish, they consider giving me some dollars. Have you seen that exchange rate? Thanks be to JZ.

In addition, I am also available to supply words to other places for money.
If you want me to do the same for you, please get in touch.