I’d love to blog, but I’m still laughing at two things:
Firstly, this tweet: (it’s screenshotted below in case you can’t see it for some reason)
(And that was only half of it!)
…and secondly, the oUtRaGeD replies to it.
I have loads of advice that I’d love to give Jezza and his disciples, but this is a family blog, so I can’t share that here.
Western Cape Premier Alan Winde is asking the local public to just follow some very simple guidelines and rules:
The virus is not gone but will be with us over the holidays and beyond. Therefore, we need to remain safe and protect each other…
…in order to slow down the spread of coronavirus.
That plan that clearly won’t work because no-one ever follows the rules in South Africa.
But then we bring you news from The Homeland, where the government is asking people to:
use their common sense
…when planning family gatherings and Christmas parties.
And that plan that clearly won’t work because no-one in the UK has any common sense.
People (sometimes rightly) complain when a government steps in with draconian rules and regulations, but if we’re absolutely honest, when things are left up to the general public, it’s almost always utterly crap and if that happens with this second wave, it’s going to result in a massive disaster both here and there.
Today was (not quite) Black Friday (thanks, AnitaB) and so I either need to gush about the amazing deals I got on a fridge and an air-fryer or lament the sociaital disaster that is rampant consumerism (but perhaps also sneak in the air-fryer).
Sky News spoke to 90s pop stars Right Said Fred (you may remember them from their songs I’m too Sexy and Deeply Dippy) (but hopefully not) about their views on the UK coronavirus lockdown, and while everyone is fully entitled to their views on the UK coronavirus lockdown, is it unfair of me to suggest that Sky News that Sky News find some experts in the field, rather than some bald 90s has-beens who are actually just trying to punt their latest dreadful musical offering?
Would I want to know the opinion of some epidemiological authority on crappy pop music from the end of the last millennium?
No.
So why on earth are we listening to the Fairbrass brothers about UK pandemic policy?
I’m watching Manchester City v Liverpool at the moment. Two pathetically soft penalties so far, and it’s only half time. Neither of them should have been given (as with the one in the Leicester v Wolves game earlier), and it’s all becoming a bit silly now. I slipped on the wet garage floor earlier, and I was immediately given two penalties by overly concerned referees.
Ridiculous. We don’t need this nonsense.
I didn’t see the FA Cup game between Torquay United and Crawley Town earlier, because for some reason, they didn’t show it here. But I wish I had.
2-0 to the home team at half time, and they’re cruising into the second round like a footballing knife through round one butter. And with 8 minutes left, they’re still two up and the man with the etching tool might well have been putting their name on the trophy already, for once Torquay sweep Crawley aside, they’ll surely go all the way and hold that famous trophy aloft… but wait…
Crawley get one back.
And then, in the 90th minute (which admittedly did last 19 minutes), they only go and equalise.
The crowd, who weren’t even there, go wild. But not for long, because 18 minutes into that 19 minutes added because of attempted (and failed) repairs to the Crawley goalkeeper, Torquay United score again to seal the tie 3-2. But wait…
Crawley get another one back, 21 minutes into the 19 minutes of stoppage time.
I know, right?
It’s 3-3. And the referee, deciding that 22 minutes of the added 19 minutes on 90 minutes signals that we’ll have 30 minutes of extra time. Incredible.
A quiet 12 minutes ensues, before Torquay restore their advantage for the [checks notes] third time. And then, as if to add insult to insult, the Devon Masters score again, hammering home their advantage to make it 5-3 with just 12 minutes to play.
And that’s how it finished. If you are only counting the Torquay goals, that is.
A minute later, Crawley hit back. It’s 5-4 and there’s all the time in the world left (especially given the plethora of last minute goals in normal time). Mr Engraver shrugs a little, but then gets back to work with his Dremel multitool.
Silly boy.
7 minutes left: it’s 5-5! Incredible. Amazing.
It only remains for someone to end this madness before it goes to penalties and finishes with an obviously fake, scarcely believable scoreline like 5-6 or something.
Step forward Ashley Nadesan, who, with 90 seconds remaining, pops the ball into the net for the Sussex giantkillers. And it’s a obviously fake, scarcely believable 5-6.
I didn’t see the FA Cup game between Torquay United and Crawley Town earlier, because for some reason, they didn’t show it here. But I wish I had.
Nemone has been sitting for Lauren Laverne on the 6 Music Breakfast Show this week and she pulled out some absolute bangers this morning. You don’t get to choose what’s on the radio, and so you’re not going to like every track back to back, but every so often, there’s one of rare those shows that just hits the mark. Repeatedly.
Today’s show was one of them. And when this came on:
Magic.
… I got in touch with Nemone because I was taken back all the way to their mental performance at Glastonbury in 2003. Not least because it took nearly a minute for their 24 red-robed members to file onto the stage and take their place. Mad.
Anyway, long story short, she had also been thinking of that performance (because music can do that to you), she replied to my tweet and then I even got a very brief mention on air.
All the way from Cape Town.
Fame. At last.
Please form an orderly queue for autographs.
No selfies, (this is for everyone’s wellbeing).