Things are getting (more) dangerous in Scotland. And by things, I mean Seagull Attacks. So much so, that now politicians there are calling for a summit to discuss the issue.

See?
How will this help? Will the seagulls be attending? And if so, will they agree to cease their ever more terrifying acts of violent assault on Scottish people – especially the children?

Yes. Exactly. Because they are the ones that are being attacked:
Ms Hamilton said “aggressive” seagulls had attacked seven children in one month last year in Eyemouth, leaving one girl “with gashes to her scalp and blood running down her face”.
Thankfully, this was in the town of Eyemouth and not Carotidartery. Maybe choose to live somewhere that doesn’t give them ideas.
And it’s no wonder that people are scared when you look at the size of the gulls in the article above.

That one is almost as big as a church. And that would be terrifying if it came after you. Although this church (and presumably the massive seagull) are on the West coast of Scotland (in Largs), while Eyemouth in on the East coast. But I do think that I remember reading once that seagulls can fly, so I don’t think that you’re 100% safe even with that geographical assistance.
Anyway, it’s clearly something that NatureScot – the Scottish Nature people responsible for licensing control of the birds and… er… also conserving them – need to sort out. The MPs aren’t happy about their efforts so far:
The behaviour of the SNP’s quango NatureScot confirms they have lost the plot. They have told people to protect themselves with umbrellas and even suggested dogs as a deterrent.
Umbrellas for the birds attacking from above, dogs for the assaults from ground level, I presume.
It really wouldn’t work any other way, right?
The strength of the cross-party support in my debate today should be all the SNP government need to finally act before we see someone killed due to being attacked by a gull.
It’s not clear (to me, at least) how exactly this would occur. Unless the gulls are carrying knives and guns now. And the victim is umbrella and dogless. In which case they were asking for trouble, anyway.
Our seagulls in Cape Town are nowhere near as big or aggressive as these Scottish monsters. Although I would still advise you to take an umbrella down to the Waterfront if you’re headed there this weekend.
It’s going to rain.