Oh no! Not again!

Ugh. This sort of thing is ALWAYS happening…

(But I have a feline you’re going to like this one.)

Big news in from Meyerton – or should I say “Meowerton”? lol (I shouldn’t) – in Gauteng this morning, where some suspects have escaped from police custody by shapeshifting into cats.

Wait. What?

Hey. Don’t knock it. This was an excellent choice of animal to shapeshift into: quick, agile, and – crucially – small enough to get through the bars which would have detained them when they were in human form. These are sensible criminals, not like the ones involved in that embarrassing “the suspects shapeshifted into hippos” incident in Limpopo earlier this year.

Pfft. Amateurs.

The suspects, brothers Omari and Ali Mustafa, were among 11 suspects who were arrested for possession of hijacked good.

Ah yes, hijacked good. The now higher overall bad ratio being why this country continues to struggle.
No-one ever hijacks poor or terrible or even mediocre. Just think of what a great place the world would be if those things were stolen and taken away from us.
But no, it’s always good that gets nicked.

Omari has since been rearrested, while his brother remains on the run.

I note here, with some concern, the lack of detail as to whether Omari was in cat or human form when he was rearrested. And yes, of course it matters. Are you taking a whole police van and some handcuffs or just a crate, a tin of Lucky Star pilchards and someone going “pspspspspsps!” to the arrest scene?

But I digress. Often.
How did this whole thing transpire? If only there was a witness statement.

Gosh!

When it was a turn to charge this other [two] suspects, known as Mustafa Ali and Omari Mustafa, their names were called but they couldn’t be found. Among those suspects, there is a suspect known as Erick Tumbulu – who informed the police that he saw when these two suspects made a strange like owl bird noise, turned into cats and they escaped while the gate was still locked.

There’s the line-up, here’s the pitch:

“He said that you made an owl noise.”
“Who?”

Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Try the veal.

But anyway. Back to Meyerton:

The officer who wrote the statement said that on his arrival, he personally – together with Warrant Officer Maloka – went to the cells to take a headcount.

Standard. I’m now left wondering why any further investigation needs to happen here.

11 suspects in cell. Owl bird noise. Two suspects turn into cats and leave. 9 suspects left in cell.

Case closed as far as I can see. Pub. A quick Black Label and home before the footy.

But wait…

Because a senior police officer has had their say on the matter (don’t they always [rolls eyes]). On condition of anonymity, of course. And that’s probably not because their view might get them into trouble with their employers. It’s probably because they said this:

It was very suspicious that the suspects waited to arrive at the police holding cells before they could turn into cats.

OK. You’d know the usual practice here better than me.

That’s if they even became cats, because I that suspect someone was paid for their unlawful release

OMG WTF BBQ!!!

You mean… this whole “they turned into cats” thing was just an elaborate ruse to throw us off the scent of what might actually have happened here?

Huge if true.

Why would Erick have said that they turned into cats? And what about the owl bird noise? Was that bit real? I did a whole joke on that.

I’ve reviewed several (or more) very dull legal documents and I’m still not even sure that escape from custody by shapeshifting into a cat is even against the law. It’s certainly not directly mentioned anywhere that I could see.

What precautions have they taken to ensure that Omari doesn’t shapeshift into a cat to try and escape again? Plastic fencing over the prison bars? Lavender and pepper sprayed around the exits? Or simply a guy on guard with a laser pointer to distract him as he tries to leave the custody suite?

I do hope that lessons have been learned.

Never change, South Africa.

Back for the moment

A first horseriding lesson (not me) for what seems like a lifetime, all because of that weather.

And we’re sneaking this one in before the next cold front comes in tonight.

But it’s already making itself known with a cold northwesterly barreling in off the ocean.

There’s a Feels Like temperature of 3°C.

I’m trying to shelter, but the henhouse shed that I usually hide behind got blown away by the storm last week and has yet to be reinstated. It’s not great, but I get it: why mend stuff ahead of more horrible weather when it’s probably just going to blow away again?

The grooms have been making hay (no pun intended) by painting the jumping poles and turning one of the barns into a storage unit for giant drinking straws. A lovely juxtaposition to the drab, grey conditions outside.

On the drive over here I was once again struck by the signs of damage all the way over the mountain. The only people who have benefited from the last fortnight have been the Cape Town woodchip and sawdust cartels.

So. Many. Branches.

So we’re braced for another 18 hours of heavy rain and nasty wind.

Roll on summer.

Please.

No, thanks. Not today.

I don’t know why I logged onto Twitter.
I should have known better than to do something silly like that.

Anyway, with one quick look at the “What’s Trending” column…

…I quickly realised the error of my ways, and immediately put things right:

Honestly, could there be a worse trio of individuals to have thrust upon you?

No, thanks. Not today.

Or any other day, for that matter.

Cape Town baffled by big yellow ball

Multiple reports of bewildered local citizens are coming in this morning, as Cape Town awoke to a strange yellow ball hovering in the sky.

Some individuals claimed that they had witnessed this phenomenon previously, but when pressed, couldn’t really remember when.

Others, like Kevin van der Tinfoil from Tamboerskloof, are convinced that it represented some sort of alien activity:

It’s like nothing I’ve seen before, so it’s almost certainly aliens trying to communicate with us. What else could make a light so bright?

It’s aliens.

And that brightness was something others noticed, too. Sinethemba Ilanga from Pinelands was admitted to the Cape Town Eye Hospital after staring at the ball for “at least 20 minutes”.

I literally had never seen anything like it before, and now I literally can’t see anything at all.

Denise Argument from Brackenfell was terrified by a “dark reflection” on the ground next to her:

It’s been following me around all day. It’s terrifying. It mocks me by instantly copying all my movements. It could be an evil spirit or a message from God, but my friend Kevin says it’s aliens.

So it’s probably aliens.

The City Council has moved to bring scientists in to investigate just what the mysterious object was, but it had disappeared before they arrived, and is not expected to be seen for at least another month.

Still grey

Apparently, there’s a chance of some sunshine tomorrow, but for the moment, the rain keeps falling. Almost 350mm in the last 10 days now. It’s pretty miserable. This photo isn’t from today, because I’m here, not there, but I’d guess that it’s a fairly accurate representation of much of the Western Cape at the moment. Especially the bit with that lighthouse on it.

Even the much vaunted Hungarian goose down duvet has failed, and we have required additional coverage for the past couple of nights. Sure, 10 degrees or so won’t seem like a big deal to many readers, but we’re just not set up for that here. And with good reason: it really doesn’t make sense for 90% of the year. So no central heating, double glazing, warm carpets etc etc. And when it gets cold at night outside, it gets cold at night inside too.

Trump shot a bit this morning. Footy final a bit later today.

That line just for context when I read back about how much more important the crappy weather is to me than politics or sport, when I find this post in 5 years time.