Day 562 – All the precautions in place

Great news! /s

The Jacob Zuma Foundation – essentially the organisation of his cronies who oversaw the theft of trillions of Rands during his presidential tenure – has announced a “Welcome Home Prayer Day” for their allegedly ailing idol.

Current Covid regulations allow for stupidly large gatherings of 750 indoors and up to 2000 outdoors, but the organisers of this event likely won’t give a flying fuck about those sort of rookie numbers. In fact, they’d love to make a statement of support for JZ while sticking a finger up at Cyril Ramaphosa’s government. It doesn’t look like they are planning to limit the how many people turn up:

“Everyone is welcome. No accreditation is required. People are encouraged to bring their own refreshments.”

said the Foundation’s chief spokesweasel, Mzwanele Manyi.

But if they are not taking precautions around the numbers of people present, are they at least putting some other measures in place to ensure that this won’t turn into a huge superspreader event?

Of course they are. They’ve got the big guy – almost as big as JZ himself – in:

“This occasion will take place in KwaZulu-Natal, eThekwini at the place called the People’s Park where God’s atmosphere will ensure that the coronavirus is blown away and not passed between the attendees.”

What (as I have asked so very often before) could go wrong?

And if this method is so successful, why haven’t we already applied it to other public places, like taxis, supermarkets, restaurants and actual public places?

“Sorry sir, you don’t appear to be wearing a mask as per or store’s regulations.”
“Oh, it’s ok, God’s atmosphere means that I can’t pass anything on.”
“Ah yes. Of course. Sorry to have bothered you. Have a great day.”

Could we maybe see if this might work for Ebola or HIV? Or even just the common cold?
How amazing would that be? Think of the millions of lives it could save.
But no, it seems that it’s just the People’s Park in eThekweni.
And even then just on Thursday.

From 10 o’clock.

Bring your own refreshments.

And when asked if JZ himself would be making an appearance?

“Look, as to whether President Zuma is going to be there on that day. Let’s just pray that he is there, but the situation is still fluid because President Zuma is still on medical parole. His condition is a fluid condition. We hope that on that day the doctors will allow him to be there. So we are hoping for the best.”

Is it too much to hope for that the fluid in question is incurable, chronic, runny diarrhoea? I don’t like to wish such nastiness on people generally, but I feel that this guy is a very deserving case.

Too sick to be in prison for contempt of court, very likely just well enough to turn up and sing and dance on a stage in front of his devotees. Bless those doctors and their amazing work.

And God’s atmosphere. Obviously.

Day 516, part 2 – Places to donate money

Earlier today, the JG Zuma Foundation – the somewhat shady organisation with no official headquarters or web presence (ok, there’s a twitter account) – set up to spread happy happy joy joy stories (wholesale propaganda) about our horrifically corrupt ex-President, posted this image (which I have slightly adulterated), requesting donations towards legal fees as JZ (occasionally) tries to fight the numerous charges against him.

Never mind that this dude and his cronies syphoned billions from the national coffers. Never mind that his family regularly share images of their latest luxury purchases and five star trips abroad. Never mind that his homestead had “security upgrades” which cost the public R246,000,000.

He needs your money.

Right.

But there are still people who will donate to this cause. Like there are still people who will take Ivermectin for Covid-19.

Great news: you don’t have to be these people.

If you have money to spare (in this economy, ruined by guess who? ha!), then please don’t give it to JZ.

Give it to The Haven and help homeless people in Cape Town who don’t have a R250million mansion to live in.

Or give it to Gift of the Givers, who are doing remarkable work all over South Africa and overseas.

Or even just go and treat yourself to a burger or something. You deserve it.

Just please – please – don’t give it to Jacob.

Day 460 – Playing the long game

This from 1996:

And this from today, the Constitution fighting back after 24½ years of hurt, here:

What happens now?
Meek jail time, a midnight flight to DXB, the complete implosion of the ANC and/or the beginning of the Civil War?

Zuma has 5 days to hand himself over. Grab some popcorn and let’s watch the fun* together.

* T&Cs apply

Day 441, part 2 – Can’t watch

News just in. The President is doing a thing at lunchtime:

Sadly, also happening at 12h00 – loadshedding:

Which will prevent me from watching, and which will also prevent any “swift and lasting economic recovery”.

Who’s going to tell him? (Both bits.)

Day 441 – Tweet did not age well

And by tweet, I mean this one, ridiculing “The ‘third wave’ “:

Look, I get that the increase on the end there wasn’t quite as big as the other two waves (yet), but even before the advantage of hindsight just a few weeks later, we could all see what was coming:

Link

Gauteng took the brunt of an awful Covid day yesterday, with well over half of all the national 8,881 new cases being reported there. The figures were so bad that you could be forgiven for missing them as they leapt by almost 60% in a single day. It’s ok, I’ve got you covered with some detail and a quick MS Paint “red arrow” job.

Yowzers. I believe that is the appropriate clinical expression, anyway.

We don’t have any regional or hotspot restrictions in place and even if we did, they wouldn’t be observed or policed correctly, and it’s too late to make any difference now anyway. We’re in for a crappy few months: the third wave is in full swing (ignore that tweet at the top there) and will inevitably spread from Joburg over the coming weeks, the vaccination programme falls further behind where it needs to be each day, the President and his well-paid Merry Men (and Women) are hugely conspicuous by their absence, and to top it all off, everything – and I mean everything – is hampered by crushingly high levels of loadshedding. We’re due to be without electricity for 7½ hours today.

Victoria Frater on Twitter: ""Now is the winter of our disco tent"  #RuinShakespeare @jill_treece ?… "

Billy Shakespeare knew his stuff, hey?

Still, on the plus side

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Mmm. Exactly.

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