Watch your cheese

After the young firebrands such as Malema and Shivambu have had their say, in steps “oily creature” Andile Lungisa, ex deputy-Pres of the ANCYL and now chairman of the National Youth Development Agency, with his loud words and hot air. Well, mainly hot air, anyway.

In a speech at the Black Management Forum young professionals’ summit in Cape Town last week, he threatened the usual people (“Stellenbosch mafia”, government, the DA etc etc etc) with the  usual stuff: We will make SA ungovernable, we will close every street, blah, blah, blah.

And then he threatened something else that made everyone sit up and notice:

If there is a cheese in your fridge, they are going to take it

They’re going to what?!?
Look, as much as I like my countries governable and my streets open, I can manage for a short while if things have to change. But when you start threatening to take the cheese from my fridge?
Well, that’s going a bit too far, Mr Lungisa.

Why not rather begin at Checkers with their much-advertised Cheese World? After all, they bring you more than 400 cheeses to choose from. I’ve just had a quick peek in my fridge and all I’ve got is a bit of week-old Gouda.
Mind you, maybe it doesn’t actually matter what sort of cheese it is, maybe any cheese will do? (There’s a song in there, somewhere…)
Will the issues you have raised only be sorted by a decent Gruyere or a mature Roquefort? Do younger fridge raiders have to go for the Mini Babybels? So many questions.
Anyway, if it’s going to take something a little different to pacify you, Checkers say that if you can’t find the cheese you’re looking for, they’ll find it for you.

Once they’ve got the requisite cheese in their fridge, then you can go and take it.

I accept that youth unemployment is a big issue in SA and that it desperately needs addressing, but I fail to see how the theft of dairy products from private individuals is going to assist this cause. If the youth really do need cheese, why not help them out with a bit of brie bought with some of the R350,000,000 that the SA government gave your organisation this year?
Maybe chuck some cheddar in from your fat R800,000 annual salary, Andile.
I daresay that you might be able to sling in a couple of Salticrax their way as well (after payday, obviously).

But you leave my cheese alone, right?

Sorry. That last line may have seemed a little threatening, angry; a little hot-headed.
But that’s my week old Gouda, ok?
Look, as a gesture of goodwill, Andile, I have signed your email address up for the cheese.com “The #1 resource for all things cheese” “It’s all about the cheese!” newsletter.
I trust that with their expert assistance, you and your organisation can remedy this country’s ills within no time at all.
Good luck.

I’m not dead…

“He says he’s not dead!”

So begins the dialogue in Scene 2 of Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. That’s a British comedy film, full of utterly ridiculous scenarios – like a bloke who’s not dead being taken away because some relative thinks he knows better.

Some say that, even by Monty Python standards, it’s a little too far-fetched.
They’ve obviously never been to the Eastern Cape:

 A 50-year-old South African man woke up inside a mortuary over the weekend and screamed to be let out – scaring away attendants who thought he was a ghost.
His family presumed he was dead when they could not wake him on Saturday night and contacted a private morgue in a rural village in the Eastern Cape.

He spent almost 24 hours inside the morgue, the region’s health department spokesman told the Sapa news agency.
The two attendants later returned and called for an ambulance.

The man – whose identity has been withheld – was treated in hospital for dehydration.

“Doctors put him under observation and concluded he was stable,” Eastern Cape health spokesperson Sizwe Kupelo said.
“He did not need further treatment.”

It’s another feather in the cap for South Africa’s image abroad, with this being the second most read story on the BBC News site today. Yes – even despite all that “other stuff” going on.
That said, this is the Eastern Cape we’re talking about. It is a little backward, even by SA standards.
I mean…  have you been to PE?

Meh – everyone’s an expert, aren’t they:

“We need to [get] the message across to all South Africans that it is very wrong for them to conclude on their own that a person has died,” Kupelo said.

Perhaps there should have been a bit more “Oh, I can’t take him like that – it’s against regulations” before our hero ended up in the morgue.

No energy

Ah, electricity. The elixir of the Gods.
It remains a touchy subject here in SA, with the constant threats of load-shedding as we approach winter. (And believe me, we’ve been doing some serious approaching today.) At the heart of this is the fact that while we want to use lots of electricity, we don’t have a huge amount to spare.
In addition, apparently we also want to be “green” and to reduce our combined carbon footprint.
Oh, and we don’t want anything done in our back yard. That’s very important too.

All in all, it adds up to bad news. We’re buggered. (Technically and metaphorically, anyway.)

Shale gas could end SA’s oil dependence” says Professor Philip Lloyd, who heads the Energy Institute at the Cape Peninsula University of Technology, in a wonderfully rational, fact-filled and unemotional article on the Karoo fracking saga.

If Shell should succeed with its exploration, said Lloyd, jobs would be created on a scale never before seen in South Africa. It would also bring about a large decline in greenhouse gas emissions in this country.
According to the United States Geological Survey (USGS), which maintains global surveys of energy resources, Karoo shale gas is the fourth largest resource in the world. It was originally estimated that there was about 1 000 trillion cubic feet (tcf) of shale gas in the Karoo, but geological data collected over the years have reduced this to about 450 tcf.
The tcf unit is an abbreviation used in oil and exploitation to indicate the size of gas resources. It represents a million, million cubic feet.
This is enormous. Mossgas was built on the supposition that there was at most 1 tcf in the undersea gas resource feeding that plant.
If the Karoo resource is even close to the amount indicated by the USGS, South Africa would be able to erect gas turbines for electricity generation all along the coastline. This would end the country’s dependence on coal to generate electricity.

And that’s not all:

Shale gas is also the best available reducing agent for iron ore. New steel works could be created on the Sishen-Saldanha iron ore route, as “beautiful steel” could be manufactured using it, said Lloyd.
More than 40m tons of iron ore is exported along the Sishen-Saldanha route to Asia and Europe. Lump iron ore from Sishen is some of the most sought-after iron ore globally, but cannot be processed into steel here because of the cost, particularly that of energy for heat for the reduction process.

But Lewis Pugh says that it’s not a very good idea.

And now there is celebration as struggling German Chancellor, Angela Merkel pulls the plug (geddit?) on Germany’s nuclear power plants “due to Fukushima”, but probably much more likely “due to lost votes”:

The decision in the early morning hours today by coalition leaders in Berlin underscored Merkel’s flip-flop from a 2009 re- election promise to extend the life of nuclear reactors. She did her about-face after the March meltdown in Japan as the anti- nuclear Green Party gained in polls. Her party lost control of Baden-Wuerttemberg to the Greens in March and finished behind them in a state election for the first time on May 22.

Ironically, in order to address the energy shortfall that it faced when Merkel shut down seven reactors in a post-Fukushima kneejerk reaction in April, Germany began importing electricity from France: a country that produces 78% of its power from… er… nuclear energy. Oops.

But perhaps the local greenies shouldn’t be too happy, as Minister of Energy Dipuo Peters stated today that SA was not considering any German-style nonsense:

“We in South Africa have to understand that nuclear is not a quick-fix solution but a long-term method to address the energy crisis and climate-change challenge,” she said in a speech prepared for delivery at the second regional conference on energy and nuclear power in Africa, held in Cape Town.
Nuclear energy forms part of the integrated resources plan (IRP) that sets out the country’s energy mix up to 2030. Nuclear would contribute 23% of the energy supply.

I hope no-one has asked Lewis Pugh.

Lewis, of course, would surely be delighted were South Africa to adopt wind power. But probably only if he doesn’t live near a potential wind farm. Because wind power may be clean and green, but those big turbines are ever so invasive, aren’t they? And they whine constantly. And they kill birds.
That’s why the residents of several West Coast villages are up in arms about having wind farms erected in their back gardens.

West Coast properties owners are dismayed by the prospect of having a new wind farm in Parternoster, Western Cape and are determined to prevent the huge turbines from being erected near the town.
The wind farm – known as West Coast One – is just one of several that have been planned for the West Coast region and it has been given environmental approval by the Department of Environment Affairs.

The developers, Moyeng Energy, jointly owned by Investec Bank and French group GDF Suez, plan to build 55 turbines near Paternoster. Each turbine is about 80 metres tall and once complete the wind farm will cover an area of 55 square kilometres.

Residents in the small town are trying to mount an appeal against the environmental approval and if this is unsuccessful they intend to take legal action to prevent the development from going ahead. According to Andre Kleynhans, chairman of the Paternoster Ratepayers’ Association the wind farm will destroy the natural charm of this fishing village.

Yes, just like the residents of the Karoo and their objections to fracking; just like the residents of Bantamsklip & Thyspunt and their issues with having a nuclear power plant just around the corner, there are problems with siting even the cleanest and greenest of power generation methods.

So. What now, my eco-warrior friends? Must we produce our electricity by magic?
Because I think Isaac Newton might have something to say about that.

We have to come to terms with the fact that we need electricity and that we need to produce electricity. It’s time to realise that no matter what method we choose to produce it, someone is going to be unhappy.
Who then, is to say which method we should choose, where it should be and whose back yard it must be in? How are the (proven) problems of wind turbines worse than the (alarmist) problems of fracking? Who decides?

And where are Lewis Pugh and the Kelvin Grove protest meetings about the Paternoster wind farm?

Double standards, anyone?

Disclosure: 6000 banks with Investec and buys his petrol at Shell. Deal with it.

Coldplay in SA in October

UPDATE: Confirmed! Coldplay to play Cape Town Stadium on Wednesday 5th October 2011 and Johannesburg FNB Stadium on Saturday 8th October 2011. Ticket prices range from R270 – R635 for each venue.
Tickets available from THURSDAY 12th MAY AT 9AM
Computicket, www.computicket.com, 083 915 8000
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The rumour mill has been at full tilt for some time now regarding Coldplay coming to SA. And it seems that the official announcements will be made simultaneously and at the same time on Primedia stations on Monday that they will indeed be gracing our shores in October 2011, presumably following their trip to Rock in Rio in Brazil.
Some would argue that they are the first decent band we’ve had out here since The Killers, and I’d be inclined to agree.

Herewith, in celebration, the clever video for Fix You – one of their more atmospheric live tracks and one which provided the biggest boost for church organ sales in recent decades.

On the bright side, since the successful hosting of the World Cup last year, it seems that SA is finally becoming recognised as a worthwhile stopping point for some of the bigger names, although bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better, of course.

Anyway – I missed them at Glastonbury because I moved to South Africa by mistake, so what better opportunity to go and tick another band off the list?

Once again, you heard it hear first. Unless you heard it somewhere else before this, obviously.

Stuff I’m not doing

Have some South African music – there’s a lot of good stuff around at the moment which deserves more exposure than it’s probably getting outside these borders. I can like to help with that a bit.
This is Goodluck from Cape Town with their catchy tune Taking It Easy:

and that’s exactly what I wish I could be doing right now, but instead of that, I’m having the week from hell.
I knew I should have voted ANC.

More blogging when I get chance.