Watch your cheese

After the young firebrands such as Malema and Shivambu have had their say, in steps “oily creature” Andile Lungisa, ex deputy-Pres of the ANCYL and now chairman of the National Youth Development Agency, with his loud words and hot air. Well, mainly hot air, anyway.

In a speech at the Black Management Forum young professionals’ summit in Cape Town last week, he threatened the usual people (“Stellenbosch mafia”, government, the DA etc etc etc) with the  usual stuff: We will make SA ungovernable, we will close every street, blah, blah, blah.

And then he threatened something else that made everyone sit up and notice:

If there is a cheese in your fridge, they are going to take it

They’re going to what?!?
Look, as much as I like my countries governable and my streets open, I can manage for a short while if things have to change. But when you start threatening to take the cheese from my fridge?
Well, that’s going a bit too far, Mr Lungisa.

Why not rather begin at Checkers with their much-advertised Cheese World? After all, they bring you more than 400 cheeses to choose from. I’ve just had a quick peek in my fridge and all I’ve got is a bit of week-old Gouda.
Mind you, maybe it doesn’t actually matter what sort of cheese it is, maybe any cheese will do? (There’s a song in there, somewhere…)
Will the issues you have raised only be sorted by a decent Gruyere or a mature Roquefort? Do younger fridge raiders have to go for the Mini Babybels? So many questions.
Anyway, if it’s going to take something a little different to pacify you, Checkers say that if you can’t find the cheese you’re looking for, they’ll find it for you.

Once they’ve got the requisite cheese in their fridge, then you can go and take it.

I accept that youth unemployment is a big issue in SA and that it desperately needs addressing, but I fail to see how the theft of dairy products from private individuals is going to assist this cause. If the youth really do need cheese, why not help them out with a bit of brie bought with some of the R350,000,000 that the SA government gave your organisation this year?
Maybe chuck some cheddar in from your fat R800,000 annual salary, Andile.
I daresay that you might be able to sling in a couple of Salticrax their way as well (after payday, obviously).

But you leave my cheese alone, right?

Sorry. That last line may have seemed a little threatening, angry; a little hot-headed.
But that’s my week old Gouda, ok?
Look, as a gesture of goodwill, Andile, I have signed your email address up for the “The #1 resource for all things cheese” “It’s all about the cheese!” newsletter.
I trust that with their expert assistance, you and your organisation can remedy this country’s ills within no time at all.
Good luck.

9 thoughts on “Watch your cheese

  1. Gillian > I sincerely hope you haven’t just started what I think you might just have started.
    I can see that I’ll have to tread Caerphilly.

  2. Your post is Muensteroustly disrespectful. Agent-ish, in fact. But in terms of threats to my cheese, the fridge at the Rousseaux currently contains this Norwegian cheese that looks like a slab of peanut butter, so we might get to keep our spoils through subterfuge.

  3. Maybe the whole diatribe and threat has something to do with cheese being a good accompanyment to whine?

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