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The 2015 Rugby World Cup Winners Will Not Be The 2015 Rugby World Cup Winners Unless South Africa Win The 2015 Rugby World Cup In Which Case South Africa Will Be The 2015 Rugby World Cup Winners

Posted on August 31, 2015August 31, 2015

Yes. Seriously.

Racial quotas in South African sport have been a bone of contention as long as I can recall, and I’ve got a South African memory of almost 12 years now. I think it came in when I was denied my rightful place in the South African national football team, simply on the grounds that I was white*.

Many people have many different views on quotas in sport, and expressing them at any chosen volume will still result in absolutely nothing being sorted out any time soon. As a result, I’m not about to try and tackle any of these issues in this blog post, and I would welcome you to not tackle any of them in the comments section below either.
Thanks in advance.

One organisation that has stepped up to the plate in expressing their views on the quota system, specifically in regard to the Springbok squad heading to the Rugby World Cup (RWC) in England later this month is the Vryheidsfront Plus (VF+), an Afrikaans political party here in SA.

They’re not happy with the “political interference” (quota system) in the selection of the SA squad in that:

The Minister of Sport and Recreation is proposing that in future the national and all provincial rugby teams must reflect the national demographics of young men (please see the attached media statement from the Minister). This means that 84% of each rugby team must be black and only 16% of every team will consist of coloured, Indian and white players. This in means in practice that less than 3 positions in every team will be available for minorities.

This is part 1 of a… document thing that they have submitted (for some reason) to the:

British High Commissioner, the British Rugby-Unions and the British Government

You can read the whole thing here. The introduction is in Afrikaans, but as Stellenbosch University have recently discovered, not everyone speaks Afrikaans, so they have in English the actual document writted. (And yes, “die Britse hoë kommissaris” is the Afrikaans for British High Commissioner. Not for any other sort of British Commissioner.)

The VF+ go on to say that:

The political interference in the selection of the national rugby team may mean that South-Africa’s strongest available team will not be competing and/or taking part in the Rugby World-Cup Tournament for 2015.

Those hyphens can like to be theirs, by the way.
Alrighty, so having decided that the Springbok squad which is competing and/or taking part (??) in the RWC isn’t the the strongest that it could be, it naturally follows that:

As a result, the ultimate winner of the tournament may not be able to claim that they are the world champion team as South Africa would have stood a reasonable chance of winning the tournament with a team selected on merit.

Oooohkay. If you say so.
*cough*

Ignoring that, the VF+ furthermore add:

It goes without saying that the quota issue itself has a very negative impact on the individual players and the team, and the government interference causes divisions in South African society on a racial basis.

So, you guys over at the British High Commission, the British Rugby-Unions and the British Government need to consider the gravitas of this situation, because:

The political impairment of a potential winner may place the credibility of the whole tournament in jeopardy.

Yeah. It was political interference what did for them. (Although, yes, the Sports Minister is a bit of a twat.)
If it wasn’t for this political interference and the very negative impact on the individual players and the team, this would have been a walk in die bos for the Springboks. The whole tournament is a jeopardy. The whole thing. The only way to grant the competition any sort of legitimacy would be in South Africa won it.
But as the VF+ have already insinuated, that’s not going to happen. It all smacks of a Afrikaner episode of Scooby Doo:

“We would have won it if it wasn’t for you meddling Blacks”

No, but really. Quite what the VF+ expect the British High Commissioner, the British Rugby-Unions and the British Government to do about this alleged political interference and its alleged effect on the Bok squad and the whole Rugby World Cup is rather beyond me. It almost seems like grandstanding in order to make a cheap, ineffectual and meritless political point. But… surely not.

Interestingly, while we’re on the subject (which we are), the Agency for a New Agenda party are also unhappy with Minister Fikile’s quota system. They think it’s not good enough, and instead of writing a document thing, they have taken to the courts:

ANA president Edward Mahlomola Mokhoanatse will be in the North Gauteng High Court seeking an urgent order to compel Saru and sports department officials to surrender their passports so they cannot travel. It also wants the court to order “the executive” to establish a “judicial commission of inquiry into the lack of transformation in South African rugby”.

So, you see, you simply can’t please all of the people, all of the time. Or in Fikile’s case, any of the people, any of the time. It’s just like I said – there are no easy answers here.

Me? I’ll be supporting England for the World Cup – being English and all. Of course, I recognise that if they win after competing and/or taking part, then I won’t be able to claim that they are they are the world champion team, because Pieter Mulder says not, but it would just be nice to see them beat what teams were there.
Maybe they could make the trophy out of plastic, or something – just to signify that it doesn’t really count? That’s actully a pretty good idea. I’ll write to the British High Commissioner, the British Rugby-Unions and the British Government and let them know.

 * and too old, possibly not quite good enough, and not actually South African.

Oh, mate…

Posted on August 31, 2015August 31, 2015

Today, in the world of “well-respected” South African Sports “Scientists” (and cookbook co-authors), this:

Has he finally gone full potato?
Never go #fullpotato. (Too many carbs, see?)

Next week, on the anniversary of 9/11, expect a link to “what really happened that day (and it’s not what the mainstream media want you to believe)”, or some such.

Thanks, you-know-who

The Laughing Beagle

Posted on August 30, 2015

I took the beagle for a run on the beach this morning. One log later, this was the result:

I think she was having a good time.

Up where?

Posted on August 29, 2015August 28, 2015

Here at 6000 Towers, we love drones and we love wind turbines (is this right? – Ed.). So just imagine a story which contains both of them. Well, stop imagining. It’s here.

It’s 2015, so no matter how much privacy you think you may have, there is always a chance that a drone is lurking nearby, ready to invade your seclusion.
Drone pilot Kevin Miller was capturing some footage of a wind turbine in Rhode Island, when his craft accidentally revealed a man that was attempting to catch some rays on the deck of the turbine, the Daily Mirror reports.
Initially, the man didn’t seem too pleased about being discovered, and it appears that he even flipped the drone off. But Miller told the Mirror, “Upon landing he saw me bring the drone down and was leaning over the edge. I looked up and wave to him and he waved back.”

Nice. And yes, there’s some video:

Weird, hey?

But then, there’s this line:

It is still unclear who the man was, or if he had permission to be on top of the turbine.

Wait. That’s it? That’s all you’re going to ask about that bit of the story?

Because, let’s be honest, wind turbines are wind turbines, drones are great and it’s quite cool to see the latter filming the former. That’s because it’s quite cool to see the latter filming most anything right now.
That’s not the interesting bit here. The interesting bit is what appears to be a middle-aged man, whose identity is a complete mystery, apparently sunbathing on top of a 200ft wind turbine. That’s the interesting bit and you’ve glossed over it in 20 words? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?

FIND the man.
FIND out why he was up there.
And REPORT THAT – not “Oh. I saw a man and I don’t know who he was or why he was there.”

Seriously. So many sleepless nights coming up til we find out what was going on here.

“The Speciality”

Posted on August 28, 2015

(Note: We’ve covered this sort of thing before here and here.)

“Traditional” “herbalists” are still very much “a thing” in South Africa. I have to presume that this is the case, because I keep seeing leaflets advertising their services all over town. So I deduce that, much like 419 scams, people must actually be going to these “doctors”, because otherwise, these adverts would stop.
And while you might think that people are “somewhat foolish” to spend their money on some leaves that purport to give them amazing abilities in the sack or at the blackjack table, just remember that several (or more) of you go to a pointy-towered building every week in order to sing songs to an invisible sky fairy.

Each to their own.

Look. Every herbalist can bring back lost lover. That’s basic stuff. BOOOR-INNGGGG! (And, in addition, I “lost” her for a reason.)
But, as the Tall Accountant pointed out in the cooking smell-laden air at Hudson’s in Claremont last night, Dr Nassib is taking things to a whole new level with his “>>RESULTS GUARANTEED” “THE SPECIALITY” package:

Wow. Let’s just run through those items included in the “The Speciality”, shall we?

1. Get the power to be invisible

Bang. There’s no messing around with Dr N. He’s straight in with the big hits right at the top. Invisibility – an ability only previously seen (pun intended) in the Klingon’s cloaking device and Harry Potter’s… er… cloaking device. I have no idea if this is cloak-related, but just think what you could do with the power of invis… Oi! Get out of that changing room. Now! Now!!

2. Get the ability to fly like a bird

I see three options here: Either it’s very, very briefly, or it’s with some sort of mechanical assistance (like an Airbus A380-800), or he’s thinking of an ostrich.

3. Do you know that you can be in two places at the same time?

Woah! ~~Stand~~ sit back, Stephen Hawking. This is next-level quantum physics, alternative string theory universe stuff right here. How useful would this ability be in today’s busy, modern world?
Can I let you into a secret, dear readers? I’m actually in two places at the same time right now. (It’s just that in one of them, I’m invisible.)

4. Get the power to control the public (this is special for politicians and musicians

Ooh. It’s all gone a bit 1984. Some libertarians would argue that there’s too much of this going on already with our repeatedly, surprisingly successful, ruling party’s election results. This makes me thing that maybe JZ has been consulting with Dr Nassib, and makes me very sure that we need to keep our good doctor and “musician” and “would be politician” Steve Hofmeyr a long way apart. Seriously distant. For everyone’s safety and well-being.

4a. The power to close brackets

Not really. I made that one up.

5. Get all the magical powers that you need

Wait. ALL of them? But if I get all of the magical powers I need, why would I ever need to come back to you.

Aren’t you killing your market here? If I can make myself be invisible, fly, control the public or close brackets, I won’t need you any more, will I? This is an own goal of note.

6. Get the “Ndagu Ritual” to make you rich

I checked this out and found out that Ndagu is a Kenyan thing, and since they’re all massively rich up there, I can actually completely believe this one.

7. Get the “Bahat-Gaflah Ritual”to make you lucky in gambling (casino / lotto)

Look, there’s more to life than money, and regular readers will know of my penchant for all things Norwegian 80s Synthpop. Thus, I was delighted to win (with Dr Nassib’s assistance) a novelty prize at Grand West last night – an a-ha bath flag. I’ve been needing a bath flag for a long time, so this worked out really well for me.
Perhaps Dr Nassib should point out that when using the Bahat-Gaflah Ritual, you will only win stuff that is an anagram of ‘Bahat-Gaflah’, though.
It may be best to leave this one then, unless you actually want A Bag Half Hat or La Hah Bat Fag (I think it’s a sort of French perfume).

The Epilogue:
I began this post with the intention of taking down Dr Nassib and his seemingly phoney business. But as I have investigated the claims he made in his missive, I have realised that perhaps “The Speciality” package is maybe worth a shot. If even one of the promised results comes to fruition, you are, in some way, set for life.

And I do love my bath flag.