Any excuse

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Don’t expect too much this evening.

I’m utterly knackered. Emotionally, mentally and physically this week has been draining. Somnially, it’s been a complete disaster. And I’ve inhaled enough Icelandic volcanic ash to close a nation’s airspace.

Actually, that last bit wasn’t true. But the rest was gospel. And while today I have been completely out of it, having spent the day at home looking after two demanding, but hugely lovable little kids, when I have ventured towards any sort of information source, all I have heard about is flight chaos in the UK and over the counter World Cup ticket chaos in South Africa.

It’s difficult to blame anyone for the Icelandic volcanic ash issue. Even the neanderthals that were interviewed by Sky at Manchester Airport were understanding, using a softer “Ug!” rather than the more aggressive it’s-Willie-Walsh’s-fault “Ug!!” (note the extra exclamation mark) that they were voicing last week. 

The World Cup ticket debarcle is also difficult to pin on anyone. Or, rather on any one. It seems to me that at every stage of the process, each person or organisation involved failed in their duties in some way.
FIFA, whose computer system was overwhelmed – again. First National Bank with their irritating “How can we help you?” tagline, to which several thousand people can now respond: “By getting enough application forms to your bloody branches, you tossers!”; and lastly, though I hate to say it, the individuals buying the tickets themselves.

EyeWitness News was reporting that punters were angry that the cheapest (Category 4) tickets had sold out so quickly. Well, here’s some news for you – I have 24 of them and I have had for well over a year now. It wasn’t so tough – all I did was actually get my arse into gear a whole 15 months before you. No overnight queues, no fighting with the person behind me who thinks I should be behind him, no last-minute computer glitches, no issues with Cape Town games being completely sold out (shock). Not hard.

So, while I think the Local Organising Committee, FIFA & FNB have let people down – badly – it could all have been avoided if those people weren’t jumping on the bandwagon so very late on.

But I bet you haven’t learnt a thing…

Where to buy your World Cup tickets

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UPDATE: Ticket availability update here.

Over the counter ticket sales for the FIFA World Cup begin at 9am on Thursday 15th April.

Both ticket bookings and ticket collection (for tickets already booked elsewhere, on the FIFA website or FNB branches), will be conducted at these outlets.
Cash, credit cards and debit cards will be accepted as tender – no cheques. Ensure you take formal ID with you (drivers licence, ID book etc).
Maximum of 10 tickets per customer transaction (either 10 for one game or any combination of games to maximum of 10 tickets)

Customers who have questions about games and tickets, or problems with tickets, can contact FIFA on the hotline number 083 123 2010, or send enquiries to enquiries@2010fwctc.co.za.
More information on tickets available at www.fifa.com/2010.

You can get your tickets at the following outlets:

OFFICAL FIFA TICKETING CENTRES:

CAPE TOWN
The Spearhead (cnr Buitengragt & Strijdom)

DURBAN
Sun Coast Casino; Marine Parade; Gateway Shopping Centre; Umhlanga Ridge

JOBURG
Sandton (cnr Rivonia & Linden); Maponya Mall (Old Potchefstroom Rd in Soweto)

BLOEMFONTEIN
Loch Logan Waterfront Mall

PORT ELIZABETH
Moffet on Main Lifestyle (cnr Man & William Moffet)

NELSPRUIT
The Grove Shopping Centre (White River Road)

POLOKWANE
Lifestyle Mall (Landrosmare & Market)

RUSTENBURG – Waterfall Mall; Augrabies Mall

TSHWANE
Brooklyn Mall (Lange & Fehrsen)

Online from 6pm on Thursday 15th April: www.fifa.com/2010 

And at these selected SHOPRITE/CHECKERS stores from Monday 19th April:

GAUTENG
Checkers Hyper Sandton
Checkers Hyper Westgate
Checkers Hyper Eastgate
Checkers Hyper Menlyn Park

RUSTENBURG
Shoprite Mogwase
Shoprite Brits

POLOKWANE
Shoprite Tzaneen

NELSPRUIT
Shoprite Nelspruit
Shoprite White River

BLOEMFONTEIN
Checkers Langenhoven Park
Shoprite Heidedal

PORT ELIZABETH
Shoprite Bethelsdorp
Shoprite Greenacres

DURBAN
Checkers Pavillion
Checkers Hillcrest
Shoprite Chatsworth

CAPE TOWN
Checkers Century City
Checkers Plumstead

58 days and counting!

Call off the World Cup!

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…and evacuate the country!

Because, after much seismic activity around the globe this year, it seems that an expert has predicted the country is almost certain to be hit by a major natural disaster. 

And it could strike during this summer’s footie tournament!!!!!!

Yes, expert Dr Chris Hartnady thinks SA is about to be hit by an earthquake. And he has singled out Durban and Cape Town as the areas most likely to be hit.

As the Daily Star points out: 

That’s bad news for England’s stars, who are set to face Algeria in Cape Town June 18.

 And the 3 million people that live here as well, right? Right?

Dr Hartnady believes the tectonic plates of the Earth’s crust are active on a fault line that could pose a major threat to South Africa.
He said: “A major earthquake disaster in the region is inevitable because wide areas of southern Africa are affected by the slow, southward spread of the East African rift system.
It is not a question of if, but when. The consequences would be so expensive in terms of mortality and economic cost that the risk of being ill-prepared is unacceptably high.”

Personally, I think Dr Hartnady is talking out of the African rift system between his butt cheeks, but it is obviously a concern: an earthquake would cause untold damage to beautiful Cape Town.

Still, on the up side, it might tidy Durban up a bit.

The TMOMS T-shirt

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Every so often, I get a plea for advertising assistance that I am willing to assist with.
Look, I do turn down most of the dodgy ones: selling tickets to Jonah Fisher’s self esteem workshop: Don’t Just Walk Out, for example. Or anything to do with homeopathy, the Builders Warehouse panga sale or celebrity Afrikaans voices for your GPS etc.
OK, I might have done that last one. Ahem.

Then came a similar plea from a footballing buddy of mine. He has lived through many different challenges incuding chronic left-footedness and horrendous facial disfigurement, and now that I know him, to give him money isn’t charity: he gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes.

Anyway, he’s really hit the nail on the head with this little offering:
Yours for a teeny-weeny R80: The unofficial TMOMS T-shirt:

Shown here in red, very-quick-cellphone-pic option.
Please note: genuine article may be less pixelated.

Yes, you now have the opportunity to have Chris Maroleng’s infamous request emblazened across your ample chest. Many different shapes, sizes and colours are available. To get yours, simply email lawrence@polka.co.za with your preferred size and he’ll get back to you with the relevant colour options: red, black or bastard white. Mention 6000 miles… and you probably won’t get a discount, but I might get a Peroni next time I see him.

Everyone’s a winner wena.

Broken

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I went to gym today for the first time in ages. Not literally ages, as in Mesolithic, Jurassic, Paleolithic etc. That would just be silly. Blokes fought off velociraptors and dragged women around by their hair for exercise back in those days: there was no need for gym. Oh – and men had beards and said “Ug!” a lot.
Thus, those were obviously good days.

Back to the present.
I don’t like gym and, generally speaking, I don’t like the sort of people who do like gym. Therefore, I’ve had many, many reasons for this hiatus. Some have been good, some appallingly bad, several were brilliantly made up on the spur of the moment.
Many have been related to my children and at least fourteen had some form of alcohol as their foundation stone. But I’ve finally run out of excuses and it was time to face my fears at Virgin Active in Claremont. 

For some reason, I decided that a nice gentle easing of my body back in to fitness would be a 25km cycle ride without going anywhere while watching Manchester United and Blackburn, neither of whom were going anywhere either. 
At least the bike kept my heart rate up. At least the scoreline made me smile.  
Can you see how utterly desperate I am for something positive?

After that, I incomprehensibly headed for the incomprehensible torture weights machines and lifted more than I should have rightfully been able to in order to break myself some more. If you are passing Chez 6000, I would very much like you to pop in and touch me on my studio please, because I cannot currently bend down far enough to do it myself.

Sadly, I fear tomorrow may bring with it a new dimension of musculoskeletal agony and there’s precisely bugger all I can do about it.