Category: sport

At Newlands last night

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40,000 turned up last night at a bitterly cold Newlands to watch the Emerging Boks side taken on what was, in truth, a second string British and Irish Lions team. It was cold, stormy, windy, wet, very wet and very cold, but at least there was red wine and brandy on tap.


The Lions’ new defensive formation left gaps out wide

Of course, that was just for those of us in the posh seats. The guys down in the stands didn’t have such luxuries. Although one of them had a vuvuzela. Naughty! And then, with the Lions 10-0 ahead, Earl Rose set up the ball for a kick at goal (or whatever they call it in egg-chasing) and the heavens properly opened.


So much of rain at Newlands

Rose was unperturbed (although I’m sure I heard him murmur “Bugger!!” under his breath), got Luzuko Vulindlu to lie face down in the mud and hold the ball and went about missing the kick anyway.

Half time and I headed off to expunge the brace of first half Peronis. Now, I know that there is a certain urinal etiquette and that one looks ahead or down, never left or right, but it is kind of difficult to obey the unwritten rules of public weeing when you find a six foot Danger Mouse on your right and a slightly shorter Mr Incredible on your left. Seriously. And then I passed a Ninja Turtle on the way out of the loos. Either the British contingent were there in full fancy dress or those beers had been tampered with.

To cut a cold story short, the game finished 13-13 and we headed home, cold, but satisfied. My car said it was 6°C, but I’m sure it was lying. Either that or the minus sign (never tested) doesn’t work.

Bed never seemed so inviting.

Father’s Grey

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As it is a rather grey Father’s Day here in Cape Town and I’m full of cold, I have spent most of the day inside watching the T20 final, reading my new Jeremy Clarkson book (sorry Mum) and listening to Placebo and Kasabian’s latest offerings. I’m never sure about albums with completely ridiculous titles, but despite its name, West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum is absolutely superb. Underdog is still my favourite track, which many of you will have unknowingly heard on the Kaka Sony Bravia ad which features the world’s largest zoetrope.

I think it’s a great ad and I’m not just saying that so that Sony read this and send me a free 42″ Bravia for my living room. I’ve still got the last one that they gave me and that’s working fine, thank you very much. So I’ll take the cash alternative this time, please.

Incidentally, Mr Kaka – who will be playing for Brazil against Italy just up the road in Pretoria this evening – learnt most of those fancy footballing tricks he shows off in that ad from me. Not many people know that I have taken many of the world’s top footballers under my wing at some point in their careers in order to let them learn from the best. Those who regularly play football with me will appreciate that I (very modestly) take great care to hide my silky skills so as not to outshine those around me.

And now, with the Sri Lankan innings coming to a close (although some would argue it was pretty much closed in the first two overs), I will return to my seat in front of the fire with my pipe and slippers and fulfill that traditional father stereotype.

One final thing – it is the summer solstice in the Northern hemisphere today, which means that today is the shortest day for us down below the equator. Summer is on its way*!

* ever so gradually.

Vuvuzela update

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Sense has finally prevailed and FIFA has made its judgement on the ‘noisy’ vuvuzela issue which has been upsetting people who don’t want their South African football served with a side order of atmosphere.

FIFA have no plans to ban or stop fans from blowing noisy vuvuzelas at the Confederations Cup or next June when South Africa host the 2010 World Cup finals.
That was the word from FIFA president Sepp Blatter speaking at a special media briefing ahead of the crunch Confederations Cup Group A clash between Bafana and New Zealand at the Royal Bafokeng Stadium on Wednesday night.

In reply to a fed up journalist who complained about the “terrible noise” that the unique South African vuvuzelas make and suggested that they should be banned, the FIFA president smiled and said he agreed that the “trumpet” used by local fans was a noisy instrument.
“But,” he added, “That is what African and South Africa football is all about – noise, excitement, dancing, shouting and enjoyment. This is a celebration.”

Wow. Blatter talking complete sense. Incredible. He needs to chat to Julius. They can learn together.

bafana_bafana
Julius. Excited.

Of course, we still have some locals in denial over the actual World Cup – still under the impression that a Plan B or Plan C will come into effect and move it to Australia or England – so I think there may be some difficulties with getting the “Vuvuzelas are OK” message across.
But as I said in my earlier post on this issue, the vuvuzela is set to become the trademark of the World Cup next year. They were there when SA was awarded to World Cup in Zurich back in May 2004  and they will be blowing all the way to the final in July next year.

So if you don’t like them: sorry for you.

* along with a huge amount of over-reporting of any negative issue with a possible sensationalist angle.

Shhh!

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The world has ended.

Or so it would seem if you were to tune into Cape Talk today. Whities from all races – anxious not to miss the ‘soccer’ bandwagon – have tuned into the Confederations Cup and are upset by several issues:

1. The rules of the game,
2. The way the black people in the crowd booed the white bloke playing for SA and
3. The noise of the trumpets – called ‘vuvuzelas’.

Of course the ball is round, not like a proper ball, which is oval. And the goal posts stop at the crossbar instead of making a giant H shape. Weird. And the players don’t use their hands. And they’re allowed to pass forward. Weirder.

The white bloke playing for SA is Matthew Booth. ‘BOOOOOOOTH!’ shout his adoring fans when he has the ball, prompting desperately misconstrued allegations of racism from the uneducated paler quarter of Cape Town.

Finally, the vuvuzela issue. ‘We don’t do that at rugby, so it can’t be right!’
Oh please.
The vuvuzela is to SA football what the braai is to the Afrikaner. And you are ruining your desperate attempts to be trendy by watching football by trying to change it. Ain’t happening. The vuvuzela will be the trademark of the 2010 World Cup.

Here’s a newsflash! Just because you weren’t watching doesn’t mean that football didn’t exist. In fact, it was getting along quite happily before you turned up and started moaning.

Want to stop the irritating noise that’s spoiling it for everybody? THEN STOP WHINING!

A3 v A4

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Mainly for my foreign visitors and those dwindling numbers of locals who persist in suggesting that South Africa won’t be able to host the 2010 FIFA World Cup because of… “stuff”; an excellent set of photos from Rob Gilmour taken from a helicopter* over the Green Point Stadium.

gps

Exactly 365 days from now, I will be in there with 69,069 others, watching the all-important A3 v A4 clash. A win in this first game is vital, given that A1 and A2 have already played in Jo’burg a little earlier and there was a result of some description. It’s 9:22pm CAT, just into half time after an action-packed first half and I will currently be queuing for an overpriced boerie roll and some pissy american beer.

FIFA 2010 World Cup match schedule | Green Point Stadium Webcams | Cape Town Tourism 2010 site

* either that or he’s really tall…