Category: sport

Less about rugby…

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…more about insults.

Oh dear. Eric Janssen’s Southern View Rugby Blog at The Telegraph has really set the cat amongst the pigeons by “mocking an entire nation because of attendances at rugby”. But I actually found it pretty funny, if a little contrived at times.

Look back to the 2005 tour to New Zealand … grown men were crying in the pub because they did not have tickets to see one game – any game, not even a Test – featuring the men in red.
I’m told South Africans are blaming high ticket prices for the low attendances, but get over it. There are many ways to save a few rands to buy a ticket … don’t throw a whole damn kudu on your bbq next time; drink fewer disgusting brandy and cokes; give the escort agency a miss next week; save legal costs by not shooting someone soon.
Tickets were far from cheap in 2005, but that did not stop people – real rugby fans – from filling the stadiums.

Firstly, he’s right on the attendances. They have been shockingly poor. Embarrassingly so. Either that or the SA rugby fans have been cunningly disguised as plastic seats. And this is weird, because generally, the fair-weather South African rugby fans turn up in big numbers for big rugby games. And surely the much-anticipated British and Irish Lions’ tour is about as big as it gets?
But then, as Janssen states:

…provincial sides stripped of all their current Springboks are making the warm-up games virtually meaningless. It’s a disgrace.

Janssen’s view on SA are stereotypical and exaggerated – attempting to elicit a response, which they have. And he knows which buttons to press because he lived here in SA for a good few years. But I can’t believe that the locals are so up in arms about the whole issue. Take a joke. Because it’s funny.
And if you want to be all serious, then if rugby and pride in your country are so very important to South Africans, why are so many of the stadiums empty on this tour?

There were far fewer complaints when he described the (Gauteng) Lions as “a pathetic bunch of Skoda-driving, sandal-wearing, tree-hugging, lentil-eating, polyester-wearing, greased-hair weasels” and “a feeble collection of player-wannabees” last week.

Mind you, I think he understated that a bit.

Bits & Pieces

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There are too many things running around my cluttered mind right now, so it’s time to unload, discharge, release, ejaculate, drop and roll them back into the water; it’s time to declutter with a bits and pieces post.
If you want to know more – go explore. I’ll give you the tools.

1. The owner of a small bakery in Dorset which is bucking the economic downturn is called Emma Goss Custard.

2. Well-respected Cape Town blogger publishes invaluable list of local restaurants with awesome winter specials. Go eat, drink, be merry and spend less than you might previously have done.

3. Cornish Liberal-Democrats apologise for calling a rival candidate a “greasy-haired twat” in an election leaflet.
Leader of the Mebyon Kernow party, Dick Cole, is appalled. I have no comment.

4. I downloaded two albums last night: Greatest Hits of Deacon Blue and Eminem’s Relapse. Even my iPod is confused. Some chalk with your cheese, Sir?
There are some handy hints for any unimaginative Cornish LibDems on Relapse, although of course, we already know that LibDem’s can rap anyway. 

5. I would love to repeat Gareth Cliff’s Air France joke from this morning, but as even I thought it was a little near the knuckle, I’d probably better not.

6. Talking of flying, if the UK Government need to know any more bloody details about me ahead of the 2009 Kids in Tow Tour, they can come and bloody measure it themselves. A million forms and documents later and they’re still asking for my daughter’s passport number and whether she has ever “glorified terrorism”. Honestly – does this really look like a terrorist to you?

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It drools. It giggles. It says “Taaaaaaah!” loudly. It doesn’t bomb things. Although the nappies can be dangerous.

7. Finally, I can reveal that I have won some rather decent tickets to Brazil vs Egypt in Bloemfontein later this month. Looking forward to it, although I’m told there are some lingering bad feelings towards the English up in the Free State. A 10-hour (each way) road trip just to be abused doesn’t sound like much fun. But it is football and I will be there. With bells on. And blowing a vuvuzela out of my… car.

EDIT: 8. Phone call tells me that I have secured free tickets to both the British & Irish Lions’ games in Cape Town. Game on!

Have I won?

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After the misery of yesterday’s Wembley play-off defeat, I’m all ready to give up football for good.

Ja, right.

But I could do with some good footballing news to take away a little of yesterday’s hurt – and I may just have got it.

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Following a mysterious call to my cellphone a few days ago, I have now received an email telling me that I have won tickets to the Confederations Cup next month. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t like the “You’ve won the Nederlandse Staatsloterij” emails that you and I are always getting. (I have now secured over €1bn on the Dutch Lotto without having spent a single cent. It’s great value for money.)

No, this email appears to be from a competition that I actually entered and they don’t need $300 to let me have my prize. Also, the email originated in South Africa, the telephone numbers match up and there were no spelling or grammatical errors. If it is a phishing scam, it’s a damn good one. So good that I’m almost tempted to give them the information they need.

I’m still not completely convinced though, so watch this space. I refuse to get excited because I very rarely win stuff. My biggest haul ever was a month’s supply of breakfast cereal for winning a quiz on KFM. And I had to chat to Nic Marais to get that – I surely deserved more.

Maybe the reason I rarely win stuff is because I rarely enter competitions. Although, that means nothing, as my Nederlandse Staatsloterij success proves.

Why I heart technology

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So today is the big day when the red half of Sheffield and the claret and blue whole of Burnley descend on Wembley Stadium in London for the Championship play-off final – a match worth anything up to £60 million to the winners.
I did want to go, I did look at flights, I did not think I could afford it. So I’m watching on TV.

My dad and my brother are going though. Lucky bar-stewards – they’re almost through Nottinghamshire on the M1 already.

The plan was for them to park at Watford and catch the metropolitan line through to Wembley Park. Which would have been great, except for the Bank Holiday engineering work which means that line is closed.
Cue a mildly concerned sms from my Dad and cue me swinging into action.

First, check the reports of engineering work on the real-time interactive tfl tube map. They’re true. Moor Park is utterly buggered.
Then, use the regular tube map to choose an alternative route.

Use Skype to  call Dad on his cellphone and suggest Hillingdon as an alternative. He asks for a postcode for the station, which I google and find, then sms him via Skype as we chat. He types it into the satnav and they have instant directions.

5 minutes from that first sms: sorted. All from 6,000 miles away. I heart technology.

Now, COME ON YOU RED AND WHITE WIZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAARDS!