The world has ended.

Or so it would seem if you were to tune into Cape Talk today. Whities from all races – anxious not to miss the ‘soccer’ bandwagon – have tuned into the Confederations Cup and are upset by several issues:

1. The rules of the game,
2. The way the black people in the crowd booed the white bloke playing for SA and
3. The noise of the trumpets – called ‘vuvuzelas’.

Of course the ball is round, not like a proper ball, which is oval. And the goal posts stop at the crossbar instead of making a giant H shape. Weird. And the players don’t use their hands. And they’re allowed to pass forward. Weirder.

The white bloke playing for SA is Matthew Booth. ‘BOOOOOOOTH!’ shout his adoring fans when he has the ball, prompting desperately misconstrued allegations of racism from the uneducated paler quarter of Cape Town.

Finally, the vuvuzela issue. ‘We don’t do that at rugby, so it can’t be right!’
Oh please.
The vuvuzela is to SA football what the braai is to the Afrikaner. And you are ruining your desperate attempts to be trendy by watching football by trying to change it. Ain’t happening. The vuvuzela will be the trademark of the 2010 World Cup.

Here’s a newsflash! Just because you weren’t watching doesn’t mean that football didn’t exist. In fact, it was getting along quite happily before you turned up and started moaning.

Want to stop the irritating noise that’s spoiling it for everybody? THEN STOP WHINING!

10 thoughts on “Shhh!

  1. El Nino. Torres!! Oh how I wish I had a ticket, oh if I were only 20 years younger……[dreamy sigh] 😉

  2. The big game is at the weekend isn’t it?

    I hope that there is a sufficient supply of vuvuzelas for all the Brazilian and Italian fans.

    Oh, and maybe Booth should change his name to avoid upsetting sensitive people. “Sheet” and “Crepe” should be avoided though. 😉

  3. I turned on the TV earlier in a fit of insanity and was met by an minute long advert in which all I heard were those stupid bloody horns.

    Quite honestly I don’t know how they manage to play with that droning going on.

    Valuable lesson learnt. 1. Don’t turn on the TV again.

    Thank god I don’t watch the game or else I would have a lot to say about those plastic annoyances.

    Good to know I won’t be joining the ranks of those trying to ruin the game for you then 😛
    .-= Goblin´s last blog ..Sold Out =-.

  4. Since the Vuvuzelas make a relative uniform droning sound, they could theoretically be “muted” by running the sound through a sound filter in real time. The broadcaster could then offer 2 soundtracks for the viewer: avec Vuvu & sans Vuvu.

    Having said that, I don’t really have a problem with them… I know they can be unnerving to the uninitiated but I’d rather listen to 90 minutes of Vuvu’s at full tilt than 9 minutes of Hugh Bladen.

  5. DB > It was in the back end of the back end of beyond. Rustenburg…. Hmm.

    Morticia > …If only he had a less girly hairdo…

    Emil > I thank you.

    Goblin > Honk Honk. So you think that an autoplay vuvuzela soundtrack for 6000 miles… would be a bad idea then?

    Rashid > You’re taking this a bit too far, mate.

    Next year will be different. Bigger crowds, more non-vuvuzela noise.

  6. Commentator blokes on the BBC just said they’d got loads of complaints about the vuvuzela, and one said it “sounds like a wasp stuck in your ear” I find it adds to the atmosphere of the game. Rather listen to this than 90 minutes of silence at the Emirates watching Arsenal 😆
    .-= Wiggy´s last blog ..2009/2010 Toon fixtures =-.

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