Category: politics

Save the Rhino(ceros Party of Canada)

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Sadly, it’s all too late. The Rhinoceros Party of Canada became extinct in 1993. Not due to excessive poaching to supply any lucrative South East Asian market, but probably simply down to a lack of votes.

South Africa has 19 new political parties, all vying for your vote ahead of next years elections and with great names like the Bolsheviks Party of SA and the Nehemiah Liberation Christian Party. I’M SURE THEY’LL DO JUST BRILLIANTLY NEXT APRIL.

But amazingly, we don’t have a Rhinoceros Party. And even if we did, it wouldn’t really be as good as the Canadian Rhinoceros Party (RIP). Because they wouldn’t have brilliant policies like a promise to repeal the law of gravity, putting the national debt on Visa and declaring war on Belgium, along with the rather more typical political promise of “promising to keep none of our promises.”
Yet some of these are really good ideas.

Yes, this was a comedic parody party, made up of artists and poets, and yet they polled almost 2.5% of the vote in a couple of elections in the 1980s. That’s almost 30 times as much as our local comedy party, The Cape Party got in their last outing.

How emboerresing.

Go and visit that wikipedia page, because they had many other wonderful ideas that could surely be adapted to our local political and geographical landscape to make South Africa a better place for us all to be.

Until election time, celery and sidewalks. Thank you. Good night.

Serious implications

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Prince Klemens Wenzel von Metternich once said of France’s economic prowess: “When France sneezes, Europe catches a cold”. This was later adapted to reflect the USA’s global influence: “When America sneezes, the world catches a cold”. While that may no longer be as relevant as it once was (much like the USA, I suppose), the Federal Government shutdown over there may well have implications for the rest of the world.

I’m obviously not talking about the whole National Parks thing, or the fact that the zoos and museums aren’t open. I’m not even talking about the economic impact.

Oh no, I’m talking about a much bigger impact than that:

astw

Wait the what now? While they might not have the funding to be scanning the skies for mankind’s impending doom, mankind’s impending doom has no such governmental squabbling to delay it. Mankind’s impending doom remains untroubled by the federal shutdown and it also remains (possibly, anyway) on a collision course with Earth.

We’re all going to die a horrible fiery death because of their silly playground politics.

How to join the EFF

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There will be people – probably not within the target market (such as it is) of this blog, but still there will be people – who will want to join Julius Malema’s Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) party.

To do that, you’ll need to go to their website and click the appropriate link. But please remember that when paying, certain rules should be observed for the collective good:

EFF encourages fighters to use the FNB ATM to depositing membership fee as opposed to doing it inside the bank.

Economic Freedom Fighters encourages all those who are paying their membership directly to do so at the FNB ATM, as opposed to inside the bank. This is because when you deposit your membership fee inside the bank the greedy financial capitalists take R8 of the R10 membership fee. However, depositing it at the ATM is much more reduced.

Fighters across the country must guard at all times against being taken advantage of by any system. The membership fee must, as much as possible, contribute to the sustenance of the organisation we all love.

Damn those greedy financial capitalists and their 80% fee structure. Believe me, they’ll be the first up against the wall.

Screenshot available here for posterity.

Who Threw Poo?

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Was it you?

Probably not, according to the Provincial Government, unless your name appears on the:

dossier of information relating to the individuals responsible for these attacks

And if you’re not from these parts, then “these attacks” refers to the fact that (and here I advised you to switch off the mental image creating part of your brain):

from May until August 2013, the province has been the location of various acts of political violence involving the use of human faeces.

There have been over 100 of these attacks, and they result in regular closures of major roads (usually the N2) – something which affects everyone, least of all Helen Zille.
The dossier is helpfully presented in Microsoft PowerPoint (an appropriately crap means of sharing information), and can be seen online here.

Basically, the Province says that there are are a small number of poopetrators – 11 to be exact – who are instigating the poo protests:

One aspect of this campaign involves faeces attacks in various locations, including regularly blocking a major highway and access to the airport.
This spate of faeces attacks is clearly well-co-ordinated and politically-motivated, forming part of the ANC Youth League’s self-declared and oft-repeated “ungovernability campaign”. Today we are releasing information we have gathered and details of compelling evidence which shows just this.

shIt then goes on to list those who they believe have led these unpleasant attacks as:

  • Sithembele Majova
  • Sibusiso “Mqithi” Zonke
  • Nangamso “Kavin” Tshutha
  • Khaya Kama
  • Bongile Zanazo
  • Bongani Ncombolo
  • Andile Lili
  • Loyiso Nkohla
  • Mario Wanza
  • Sulyman Stellenboom
  • Songezo Mvandaba

And what have the local government done? Well, “as a first and appropriate step” they have informed the poolice service about it:

we have handed this information to the South African Police Service for further investigation. They must also obtain statements from the many eyewitnesses and the suspects themselves, subpoena their cellphone records (since they claim to organise via cellphones) and conduct normal police investigations. What we have is prima facie evidence as the basis for investigation. That is why we have submitted it to the police.

The Police, eh? Good thinking. I’m so glad that’s only taken you 3½ months to work out that this would be a good idea. I imagine that this will now all be completely sorted out by never.

And this marks the first of my posts to get the “elections” tag with reference to 2014.
Oh joy.

Amazon offers free UK delivery on cruise missiles

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Incoming from my brother – not literally though, I hope:

IMG-20130830-WA0004 (1)

We’ve had some weird ads here on the blog – mainly for pseudoscientific charlatans – but that’s because I blog about them from time to time. I’m not quite sure what my brother was searching for here, but I hope he didn’t buy it.

Incidentally, Amazon’s delivery charges to Syria are astronomical, which was probably what put the UK parliament off.