Kaptein span die seile

Boerestep.
Because we’ve been incredibly naughty and deserve all sorts of punishment, it could just be the next big thing.

You thought it was bad when Kurt Darren threw his now infamous Dans Treffer “Kaptein (span die seile)” at us. And you were right, because it was. If you have somehow managed to avoid this phenomenon thus far, well done, but prepare to join the “what has been heard cannot be unheard” club right here and now with the no expense spent official video:

Now, the musical genius of DJ Naaldekoker (that’s DJ Dragonfly to us rooineks), has taken arguably Kurt’s most irritating famous work and set it to a dubstep beat, thus creating the genre which will be henceforth known as Boerestep.

[soundcloud]http://soundcloud.com/dj-naaldekoker/kaptein-dj-naaldekoker-remix[/soundcloud]

If this catches on – and with the current success of anything and everything dubstep, together with the continued, bewildering popularity of Afrikaans pop, I have absolutely no doubt that it might – we could be on the verge of the biggest thing to hit South African music since Craig Hinds et al released Indigo Girl, which was, quite literally, a Watershed moment.

Please forward any further examples of Boerestep to us here at 6000 miles… and we will keep the population abreast and forewarned of the advancing menace of the genre.
Prizes may be given for the best (worst) examples.

Brown innovation

Don’t even ask how I stumbled upon this little invention (and no, that wasn’t a hint).

Behold the Brown Corporation Portable Cardboard Eco-Friendly Toilet – or ‘The Shitbox’ for short.

For your money, you get a reusable flatpack cardboard toilet, 10 biodegradable poo bags, tissues and a duffel carrier bag. There’s even a YouTube video showing a man called Richard assembling and demonstrating it (no, he doesn’t actually use it).

It’s brilliantly simple and although I’ve thankfully never seen one of these in use, I have experienced the toilets at Glastonbury on the Sunday and I can safely say that this would be a much preferable option.

I’m sure that there’s a huge market for these in the outdoorsy South African lifestyle. Who’s going to be the first to get them over here and make millions? If it’s you, please remember me when you do.

Thank you for reading. Now wash your hands.

Team GB

But probably not the one you’re thinking about.

It’s been a busy weekend, but we still found time to finally make that ginger beer that we’ve been promising to make since… well… ages. And it is delicious.
We used this recipe from the Scrumptious blog and the kids had a whale of a time zesting lemons, stirring buckets of ingredients and helping to bottle the stuff before bedtime.

This morning – happy to note that none of our bottles had exploded overnight – I released the pressure before sticking them in the fridge and going and running around on a football pitch for an hour or more. When I came back, the young workers popped one open and: wow.
The ginger is actually rather understated, but as a refreshing lemonade-style drink, it’s an absolute winner. Almost half of our 5 litre stash has gone already. I suspect that the remaining 50% will struggle to make Tuesday.

In short, it’s simple and it’s delicious. An absolute must for summer.

101 ways to open a beer

This great “short film” via Del at The Bok & Roo, does exactly what it says on the tin. Please enjoy some innovative methods of opening everyone’s favourite beverage.

[vimeo clip_id=”42674279″ width=”678″ height=”381″]

OK, so some ways are more successful that others, but anything goes just as long as you get at that sweet, sweet nectar, right?

For the full story, see the video description here.

Superbru’s Closeness Index Equation Is Copied From 1969 Apollo 11 Mission – But Might Just Work

According to recent stats that we just made up, everyone in South Africa plays Superbru, the free online sports prediction game. I’m a veteran, having played and won Superbru pools in football, cricket and rugby over the last 5 years, including a top 2% finish in last year’s Rugby World Cup with over 130,000 players, and I’m looking forward to their Premiership and Tri-Nations Rugby Championship games starting this weekend.

While in rugby, you’re asked to predict the winner of the game and the winning margin, in football, you are asked to predict the actual score. You get points for predicting which team wins and you also get points for “being close” to the actual score. But what defines “closeness” in predicting football scores?

Superbru have devised their own system, resulting in what they call the “Closeness Index”:

We believe two things determine how close your pick was to the actual score. Goal difference shows how close you thought the game would be. But, a goal difference of 1 applies equally to 1-0 and 5-4. If the real result was 2-1, then surely the 1-0 is a better pick than 5-4?

Total number of goals helps us refine this. In the example above, there were 3 goals (2-1). One pick said there would be 1 goal (1-0) and the other 9 goals (5-4). 1 goal is closer to 3 than 9.

We factor both goal difference and total number of goals into a formula called the Closeness Index (CI). The lower your CI, the closer you were to the actual score (0.00 is a perfect pick).

All of which sounds very nice, but how exactly do they “factor both goal difference and total number of goals”. Well, they tell us this too:

Closeness Index (CI) = (your goal diff – actual goal diff) + ((your tot. goals – actual tot. goals) / 2)

Example:
Actual score: 2 – 1
Your prediction: 1 – 0

Closeness Index (CI) = (1 – 1) + ((1 – 3) / 2 )
= (0) + (-2 / 2 )
= 0 + 1
= 1

Well done. Extra marks for showing your working there.

However, eagle eyed astronomers and physics graduate readers will recongise that equation:

C = (b – a) + ((x – 1y)/2)

as being the lynchpin of the calculation used to safely land the LM-5 Lunar Module on the surface of the moon in 1969 (the only difference being the lack of the 0.15 correction factor for the gravitational pull of the moon). Now, using this formula may seem to be an unnecessarily complex (one small) step by Superbru, but you have to applaud their efforts in attempting to quantify the unquantifiable in order to make their game fairer. In addition (no pun intended), you’d do well to remember that this equation was successful in getting Neil et al onto the moon, so by my extrapolation, it’ll probably work really well in this scenario as well.

Of course, there will be those who will claim that since the moon landings were faked then the Superbru Closeness Index is also fundamentally flawed. For this reason, I will be making all my Premiership picks from a makeshift film studio in a Hollywood basement.

Stoke City to beat Reading 2-1. Near the Sea of Tranquillity. Probably.