Tag: south africa

Spandau Ballet tonight

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Off to watch these Golden Oldie legends of the 80’s this evening at Grand West this evening:

I’m pretty sure that they’ll do this song and their other really big hit True. Hopefully the somewhat upbeat tempo of the former won’t break the aging members of the band and prevent the rest of the gig from taking place.

Supporting them on stage for the Heart 104.9 “Awesome 80’s” evening are German Synthpopsters Alphaville, who are famed for their hit Forever Young. They never really hit the heights in the UK, although apparently, they were Big in Japan. And also very popular in South Africa, which isn’t quite as amusing.

Pwned.

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As a biologist, I know that if you want to know what something does in a biological system, you remove it and see what happens. Usually, this results in a mouse dying.
Seacom decided to see what happened to South Africa today when routine maintenance work on an internet cable ran over by… ooh… ages and then observed the effects from the safety of Seacom Towers or wherever they hide away when businesses and livelihoods are being ruined.
South Africa, as with the humble laboratory mouse, promptly died.

There were rumours that the outage was going to last until Friday. And that would have been really bad. But it seems (since I’m writing this) that normal service (slow & patchy) has been resumed. It was fortunate that tomorrow is a Public Holiday and many people had taken today off to have an extra long weekend.

Thus, the murine casualties were limited. But it did show just how thin the line is between happy working internet and business stopping completely.
I only just got to write this blog post. That’s how serious it was.

UPDATE: Some agreement and some more detail from Hilton Tarrant.

Gym and Haircuts

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On my recent post about returning to gym after a prolonged (4 years) absence, I got a comment from Damien Tomaselli, a personal trainer, a part of which I have faithfully reproduced here:

I’m a personal trainer. I like to know what peoples attitudes towards exercise/gym are. You mentioned you don’t like the people at gym. I know your not alone in that. May I ask what it is exactly that you don’t like?

So, Damien et al, here’s the deal. For me, going to gym is like having a haircut: purely functional.
It’s a pain to have to do and I dislike actually doing it, but I enjoy the results. Generally, anyway. No-one can do it quite like Precious from Partners on the Waterfront and if she’s not around, it all goes a bit Pete Tong. (And have you ever seen his hair?)

The problem with gym is one that runs through any physical activity in South Africa: that is, the perception that if you’re not doing it completely full-on and seriously, then you might as well not do it at all.
Take a couple of sports I have dabbled in back in the UK: mountain biking and golf. I actually find myself scared to start doing them here, because then I have to join the club which talks about Shimano GT220-R gear sets and the new Ping carbon-fibre graphite shafted driver with the elliptical sweetspot.  I don’t care about all that crap – I just want to do it for some fun and exercise.

The same goes for gym, but the problem is exacerbated by the sheer arrogance of the gymming class. If you’re not bench-pressing 105kg, sprinting like a cocaine-snorting, demented hamster on the treadmill, wearing an understatedly cool baggy vest to show off your pecs or have the latest ever-so-small iPod attached to a big alice band around your sweaty bicep, then what the **** are you doing in there?
It’s like you’re suddenly part of some underclass for not being healthy or trendy enough or just not fitting in with the unwritten rules of serious gymming. But you still pay the same money as them to use the same equipment while having their sneering superiority complexes forced upon you.
Yeah well, sorry I’m not as super fit as you, but I actually do other stuff besides exercise. I have family, have braais, have friends that I can talk to without having to be running along a suburban pavement in a group of twenty runners, talking about running. I can drink a beer without having to feel guilty about the extra 3 kms I’ll have to do in the morning to run it off. I have a life.

And that’s why I only go to gym when it’s quiet: Sunday afternoons or weekdays at 11. It’s why I plug myself into my music before I go through the door, why my distinctly uncool but ever so practical 120GB Classic iPod remains tucked into my pocket, playing distinctly uncool but ever so enjoyable music. Sure, I’m hugely unfriendly – I don’t make eye contact, I don’t talk – I just do my cycling or circuits and I leave. It’s not a bloody singles club – it’s purely functional.

Like I say – I hate gym. But I’m already starting to like the results. And that’s why I’ll be back again tomorrow afternoon: head down, training hard and ignoring the twats.

UPDATE: Gym Bunny “Come Sweat With Me” online dating ad sounds death knell for all things gym.

Race war still not happening

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After the recent hugely disappointing news that South Africa’s eagerly anticipated (by the press) Race War had been postponed due to a lack of protagonists sunshine, many people have been getting in touch with us here at 6000 miles… asking when exactly the rearranged date for the Race War is.
Well, I was heading out to buy a sandwich at the local Café Lacomia wondering what the best way of predicting the outbreak of the Race War would be, when I had an epiphany in that regard.
As you do.
The café in question is located in a branch of Builders Warehouse, a local chain of DIY/Gardening stores. If you are in the UK, you would probably be best comparing this to a B&Q.  

Of course, there are some local peculiarities: Builder Whorehouse has an extensive swimming pool section, B&Q doesn’t need one of them. The store also stocks pangas (pangae?) – better known worldwide as machetes. Considering there is heavy duty gardening to be done in the UK as well, I’m surprised that they’re not more popular over there, but they’re not.
Of course, the panga is also often noted as an African weapon of war and will be much in evidence on the darker side of the front lines when the Race War is eventually rescheduled.

         

Presumably, the paler guys will be armed with Black and Decker weedeaters which should present a formidable defence, Eskom willing. And as long as the little stringy bit doesn’t break too often. 

Either way, when the Race War comes about, there will obviously be a period of arming up before the actual fighting begins. And where better for your local Xhosa Warrior to buy his panga than Builders Warehouse, with its amazing No-Quibble Guarantee?

That’s where my “forearmed is forewarned” plan comes in:
The Builders Warehouse Panga Race War Prediction Index.

No, it’s not catchy and neither is the BWPRWPI acronym. It sounds a bit like a wet fart.
But it will work. Because right now, the local Builders Warehouse has a huge number of pangas (pangae?) in stock. Great for hacking back that dense bush or those Bloody Agents with White Tendencies.
And should that number drop suddenly and considerably, then I will bet that there will be trouble ahead. Thus, the BWPRWPI is measured as the percentage of pangae (pangas?) remaining in stock, using yesterday’s numbers as a benchmark of 100%. (Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on the weedeaters as well, just in case there’s a sudden and unexpected AWB uprising in Cape Town.)

Right now, the BWPRWPI remains steady at 100.
Which is bad news for Builders Warehouse, but wonderful for the Rainbow Nation.

All is calm

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Remember Easter in 2007?

No – me neither. But I found a nice sunset picture from back then that I thought might be appropriate for a quick quota photo this evening. It’s quiet, serene, beautiful: calm.

Sun

South Africa has made it safely and quietly through two days since the death of Eugene Terre’Blanche. It’s a good start.
Life goes on, despite the supposed threats, anger and hatred.