south africa – Page 17

Oh, Autumn

Posted on April 7, 2016April 7, 2016

You sly dog, you.

We were out at dinner last night, attempting – amongst other things – to plan the weekend. But there’s no point in planning outdoor stuff when the autumn weather forecast is decidedly autumnal. So I checked on just how bad it was going to be.

OMG! Batten down the Beagle!

Looks like it’s not quite time to pack the sunscreen away just yet.

The only down side (there’s always got to be a down side because there are no clouds to have silver linings), is that we are kinda desperate for some rain. And even though we got a bit last week, the damn dam levels are now down to 32.8% (from 34.1% last week), and just 2.8% above the critical level of 30%.
I’m not sure what happens then, but apparently, whatever it is, it’s not “panic”:

Without rainfall, the Voëlvlei Dam would only be able to supply the metropole until July and the West Coast municipalities until the end of May. However, the council said it did not want to “unleash a panic” and it has the situation under control.

I wonder what they have in mind? A time machine and a DIY Desalination Plant kit? Cloud seeding? Vague hope?
This assurance from our local city council comes after the government minister for Water and Sanitation went onto the radio and asked religious individuals to “pray for divine intervention” to end the drought.

That plan is evidently yet to kick in effectively.

Enjoy the weekend, and please don’t water your garden.

Road Safety

Posted on April 5, 2016September 2, 2016

Road safety ads are all the rage at the moment, presumably because people continue to die all over the roads. To be fair, people will always die all over the roads, so it are obviously the needless deaths that these ads are trying to prevent. I’ve seen three that have made me think, and I’m sharing them here.

There are a couple of approaches. And happy happy joy hoy, the first is the horrifically graphic approach, deminstrated here in the Western Cape’s First Kiss video:
In case you didn’t catch the warning just there, it’s rather graphic.

Erg. But you know, wear your seatbelt and that won’t happen. And apparently, it works:

The “First Kiss” commercial is adapted from the “Damage” advertisement produced by the Northern Ireland Department of the Environment. This advertisement was credited by the Irish Road Safety Authority as having brought about a 100% increase in backseat seatbelt wearing and 50% increase in front seat wearing rates in Ireland and Northern Ireland.

Sadly, one of the highest risk groups – ‘the yoof’ – tend tune out serious messages. So then you need to try a different tack: humour. Here’s a New Zealand don’t text and drive ad:

Because no, as this final print (and my favourite) ad proves, when you’re texting while driving, you’re really not concentrating on the things that you should be:

Very clever, Land Rover.

Of course, in SA, all this falls against a backdrop of very limited adherence to the law and very limited enforcement of those laws. But still, anything is better than nothing, right?

Possibly, anyway.

“The Speciality”

Posted on August 28, 2015

(Note: We’ve covered this sort of thing before here and here.)

“Traditional” “herbalists” are still very much “a thing” in South Africa. I have to presume that this is the case, because I keep seeing leaflets advertising their services all over town. So I deduce that, much like 419 scams, people must actually be going to these “doctors”, because otherwise, these adverts would stop.
And while you might think that people are “somewhat foolish” to spend their money on some leaves that purport to give them amazing abilities in the sack or at the blackjack table, just remember that several (or more) of you go to a pointy-towered building every week in order to sing songs to an invisible sky fairy.

Each to their own.

Look. Every herbalist can bring back lost lover. That’s basic stuff. BOOOR-INNGGGG! (And, in addition, I “lost” her for a reason.)
But, as the Tall Accountant pointed out in the cooking smell-laden air at Hudson’s in Claremont last night, Dr Nassib is taking things to a whole new level with his “>>RESULTS GUARANTEED” “THE SPECIALITY” package:

Wow. Let’s just run through those items included in the “The Speciality”, shall we?

1. Get the power to be invisible

Bang. There’s no messing around with Dr N. He’s straight in with the big hits right at the top. Invisibility – an ability only previously seen (pun intended) in the Klingon’s cloaking device and Harry Potter’s… er… cloaking device. I have no idea if this is cloak-related, but just think what you could do with the power of invis… Oi! Get out of that changing room. Now! Now!!

2. Get the ability to fly like a bird

I see three options here: Either it’s very, very briefly, or it’s with some sort of mechanical assistance (like an Airbus A380-800), or he’s thinking of an ostrich.

3. Do you know that you can be in two places at the same time?

Woah! ~~Stand~~ sit back, Stephen Hawking. This is next-level quantum physics, alternative string theory universe stuff right here. How useful would this ability be in today’s busy, modern world?
Can I let you into a secret, dear readers? I’m actually in two places at the same time right now. (It’s just that in one of them, I’m invisible.)

4. Get the power to control the public (this is special for politicians and musicians

Ooh. It’s all gone a bit 1984. Some libertarians would argue that there’s too much of this going on already with our repeatedly, surprisingly successful, ruling party’s election results. This makes me thing that maybe JZ has been consulting with Dr Nassib, and makes me very sure that we need to keep our good doctor and “musician” and “would be politician” Steve Hofmeyr a long way apart. Seriously distant. For everyone’s safety and well-being.

4a. The power to close brackets

Not really. I made that one up.

5. Get all the magical powers that you need

Wait. ALL of them? But if I get all of the magical powers I need, why would I ever need to come back to you.

Aren’t you killing your market here? If I can make myself be invisible, fly, control the public or close brackets, I won’t need you any more, will I? This is an own goal of note.

6. Get the “Ndagu Ritual” to make you rich

I checked this out and found out that Ndagu is a Kenyan thing, and since they’re all massively rich up there, I can actually completely believe this one.

7. Get the “Bahat-Gaflah Ritual”to make you lucky in gambling (casino / lotto)

Look, there’s more to life than money, and regular readers will know of my penchant for all things Norwegian 80s Synthpop. Thus, I was delighted to win (with Dr Nassib’s assistance) a novelty prize at Grand West last night – an a-ha bath flag. I’ve been needing a bath flag for a long time, so this worked out really well for me.
Perhaps Dr Nassib should point out that when using the Bahat-Gaflah Ritual, you will only win stuff that is an anagram of ‘Bahat-Gaflah’, though.
It may be best to leave this one then, unless you actually want A Bag Half Hat or La Hah Bat Fag (I think it’s a sort of French perfume).

The Epilogue:
I began this post with the intention of taking down Dr Nassib and his seemingly phoney business. But as I have investigated the claims he made in his missive, I have realised that perhaps “The Speciality” package is maybe worth a shot. If even one of the promised results comes to fruition, you are, in some way, set for life.

And I do love my bath flag.

The Lemon Meringue Pie Dispute

Posted on August 11, 2015August 11, 2015

As many of you may already know, ek is ‘n Engelsman.
The long-suffering Mrs 6000 is fully Suth Iffrikan.

From time to time, we come across little nuances and colloquialisms which set our home nations apart from one another:

England are great at cricket and have never lost a series to Bangladesh.
South Africans can cook things over coals.
England are world champions at Health and Safety.
South Africa are top 10 worldwide for traffic-related deaths per 100,000 people.
The English call them traffic lights, South Africans call them robots.
When the English say “now”, they mean immediately. That only happens in SA if you repeat it.

Stuff that every SA blogger has written a hilarious blog post about. Stuff like that. And vive la différence!
Well, vive it until yesterday, when Mrs 6000’s Mum turned up to our Transition Day braai with a lemon meringue pie. Yeah – I went there – a lemon meringue pie.

See, I was told by all the senior South Africans present yesterday that the official South African name for this delicious* dessert is simply “Lemon Meringue”; that there’s no “Pie” involved in the nomenclature at all. And a quick look at the label and the shop receipt seemed to back them up, being, as they were, wholly pie-free.

What balderdash.

How can this be? How can one simply choose to overlook one third of the tri-partite alliance that makes up this dish?
No. And it’s the all important bottom bit too, without which any attempt at serving would surely end up in a trendy “deconstruction” of the original recipe. Structural integrity is as important in desserts as in any other course and in the case of the Lemon Meringue Pie, that strength comes down solely to the pastry bit. The bit that makes it a pie and not a sloppy mess all over the bottom of an ovenproof dish.

Even putting that aside though, you can’t just drop a bit of something’s name just because it suits you. We’re always encouraged to eat more fruit and be more healthy, told that “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. But what if whoever came up with that little ditty had decided to arbitrarily leave out a bit of the name of the foodstuff involved? What if it was meant to be “An apple crumble a day keeps the doctor away” or “An apple schnapps a day keeps the doctor away” and all this time, we’ve been missing out on a tastier or more fun way to avoid medical intervention simply because someone chose to drop a word?

I did a quick straw poll around my SA collegaues in the lab and there was incredulity that I was ~~asking such stupid questions~~ even suggesting that name should include the word “Pie”.

But then I googled lemon meringue (on the .CO.ZA version of that site, and without the all important P-word) and it seems that not all Saffas think the same way (who knew?), because look what I found:

Yeah! Look at what the big names in SA food like Ian Paarman, Woolies and PicknPie are calling it!
Look what Google.co.za is calling it! THEY SAY PIE!

Long live Lemon Meringue PIE! Amandla!

* for the record, the Checkers version isn't actually that nice.

Transition Day

Posted on August 10, 2015

We’ve quickly discovered that the ±25 hour door-to-door trip from Sheffield to Cape Town can be a little bit draining. Thus, while no-one wants to waste a day with friends and family, a ‘transition day’ between the time we get back and the time that we have to do stuff (work, school, extra murals etc etc) is actually a very good idea.

This “extra” Women’s Day (the new public holiday to hate) (trash talking Heritage Day is sooooo 2013, dahling) fitted the bill perfectly, allowing us to sleep in a bit, sort the washing, do the shopping, polish the beagle, and then reacquaint ourselves with that South African tradition of having a braai.

You can’t immediately leave the UK behind though; such severance would be extremely harsh and possibly even a little dangerous. A little English culture is called for and so it’s a touch of West Brom versus Manchester City and a glass of Marlon for me this evening.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.