Life is a Rollercoaster

Or some sort of adrenaline-packed fairground ride, anyway.

I’m watching the Arsenal v Hull match including the disgusting off-the-ball antics of Samir Nasri with a fine supporting act of comedy refereeing by Steve Bennett, while being annoyed by the all-new, all-singing, all-dancing, all-bloody irritating WordPress 2.9, so I’m popping a quote photo up here. This was taken at Munich’s 2009 Oktoberfest, I’m told.

Reminds me of the annual St Giles Fair in Oxford, where the kids from the estates used to congregate under these sort of rides, hopeful of picking up any loose change from the punters.

Because – as you can see – anything that’s not properly secured is in grave danger of falling out.

It’s all lies – the myth of the unripe nectarines

Never believe a thing they tell you.

It all began when the buyer, new to the job, went out to the nectarine farms. His inexperience was quickly detected by the evil nectarine farmers who had barns filled with dud fruit.
They’re not ripe, they’ll never be ripe.
But the buyer didn’t know that. He’ll take the lot, please.
Here’s the fat cheque – put them on the back of the lorries.

Once back at the warehouse, the managers were aghast: money down the drain – we can’t sell unripe nectarines. In this terrible financial climate as well. We’re for the chop once Mr Woolworth hears of this. If only there was some way out. But there isn’t.

Unless…

It’s brilliant. And we’ll put “KEEP REFRIGERATED” on them right underneath the bit where we say “will ripen in 2-3 days at room temperature”. Confusion will reign.
And before anyone knows what’s going on, we’ll have sold the whole lot and the customers will only have themselves to blame for believing us and keeping them in the fridge.
Or not keeping them in the fridge. Whatever.
It’s a win-win situation. Unless they want to eat the nectarines.
Which they won’t, because they’ll never get ripe.

Ker-ching.

A Shocking Discovery

As each new batch of Bruce Sutherland’s superb work is released onto the web on the City of Cape Town’s 2010 Gallery page, the images circulate around Cape Town and the broader environment by email and make their way onto blogs, usually without any credit for the photographer.
But that’s not all. In addition, there are the usual snide remarks about the costs incurred and the disruption caused by the construction going on around the city.
“CaptainNull” and his posterous blog is the perfect example:

 Wow….  I think our water rates is going to go up along with our electricity rate, but it sure looks purty.

That’s exactly right. At the Cape Town Stadium they are *shock* watering the grass that they are growing on the flat bit between the stands and what’s more, they have fitted lights so that people can play football – even if it gets dark!!! Like… at night, for example, I would imagine.

What on earth are they thinking????

Don’t they realise that we, the Cape Town ratepayers, are paying for that water and that electricity?
How dare they? This is an outrage worth several exclamation marks!!!!!

But that’s not all. Being the investigative sort that I am, I dug further into this issue and quickly found other places in Cape Town get watered and lit up using our money as well! Even other stadiums.
But that’s not all. I also discovered that the Council was paying for city buses to be filled with diesel using the cash we give them and the they (the City Council) are facilitating such diverse activities as road-sweeping, provision of healthcare, housing and even policing – (almost) directly from the ratepayers’ pockets!!!!! I was aghast.

I realised that suddenly, what started out as a mini-rant on potential copyright infringement had snowballed into something bigger than I could ever have imagined. When I look at it now, it seems so obvious, but for years, people – myself included – just haven’t seen the wood for the trees.
These so-called “services” “provided” by the City Council are actually paid for by the city ratepayers.

But that’s not all. I can officially reveal that I have discovered the same practices appear to be taking place in several other cities (well, one was a village) across South Africa, with unsuspecting citizens literally giving their hard earned Rands to their local councils each month, only for those same councils to splurge the money on education, parks and road maintenance.

There’s more to come on this story, I’m sure. But I felt that it was time that people learned exactly what their rates are being used for. If I disappear or don’t blog again, assume that Dan Plato has caught up with me (perhaps using shady henchmen also paid for with my money).
In that eventuality, someone else must please carry on the fight against this heinous injustice.

Questions, questions…

I will be expecting a lot of them this evening at the JDI charity quiz evening at Cafe Roux in Noordhoek  this evening.

The money raised will be shared between the Bulungula Incubator in the Transkei and Ferndale Primary in Ottery.

The Bulungula Incubator strives to be a catalyst for the creation of a vibrant and sustainable rural community. One of their focus areas is Education – the rehabilitation of their local Primary School as well as establishing an Early Learning Centre. The Primary School Building collapsed 3 years ago and the teachers hardly came to work – only 5 days taught in 2007. There was no food, furniture, books, toilets and the average attendance was only 40 percent.
In short it was and still is dysfunctional.  JDI are striving to make it functional! 

Ferndale Primary School in Ottery is much closer to home and far more functional but their hardworking, dedicated staff members could do with some recognition. Funds raised will go toward making the staff room a little more comfortable for staff on their much deserved breaks.

Education is, without doubt, the most important factor in influencing any nation’s future, but particularly this one. And teachers are, without doubt, the key to getting a decent education and are, without doubt, hopelessly underpaid for their important work.
JDI have worked on over 200 projects across South Africa, improving the lives and hopes of thousands of people and I’m very happy to be going along, quaffing expensive beer and (hopefully) winning some big prizes while supporting their excellent work.

I would invite you along, but I’m told that it was sold out over a month ago. Apologies and all that.

SARS block 6000 miles… – reinstate access to 2oceansvibe in November net crackdown

Shocking news from a regular 6000 miles… commenter:
In a heinous act of censorship, SARS – those people who very efficiently take our money off us all year and then tell us how great they are because they give us a little bit of our own money back – have blocked access to this website from their premises.

According to our source, each month, SARS “chooses” the 50 top sites “to be investigated” which essentially means “to be blocked” and 6000 miles… has found itself on the November list – probably due to its huge popularity amongst SARS employees. I’m not entirely sure that huge popularity amongst SARS employees is something to crow about, since they are presumably mainly grey tax accountants and over-zealous IT workers who apparently have nothing better to do than block decent Cape Town blogs.

Meanwhile, perhaps demonstrating a lack of huge popularity amongst SARS employees, access to Seth Rotherham’s 2oceansvibe.com has been reinstated at the revenue service. Or maybe this just indicates that there is a plan to bring in some sort of Tits & Ass tax in the next budget.

I would urge all SARS employees to access this site via mobile technology as often as possible so that they don’t miss out on the latest news and information, pictures of my kids and amusing stories from around the world.

6000 miles… is, of course, fully enabled for mobile viewing.

UPDATE: Apparently, the thousands of SARS officials surfing 6000 miles…at work was slowing down the whole eFiling process by overloading the servers with quality blog posts. Really.