Tag: bok van blerk

Bring back Bok!

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Note: I ran the concept of this post past a reader before I wrote it, and I got the impression that I maybe needed to find a different angle. This can like to be that angle.

Now. On with the post.

Bring back Bok!

That was my cry when I started getting adverts and flyers for this concert all over my socials and emails:

For those who aren’t aware, I have been plagued by Afrikaans singing sensation Bok van Blerk for many years now. Much like Herpes, your presence on his mailing lists is something that you simply can’t get rid of, no matter how many drugs you take or how desperately you try.

But could Lighthouse – that’s these guys:

We are Lighthouse, a family band that loves making music for Jesus, our Lord, and Savior!

actually be worse than Bok?

Yes. Yes, I rather think that they could.

They’ve been aggressively marketing their upcoming Praise and Worship Aand (evening) in Struisbaai this weekend all over my internet. They might even have taken it further: I haven’t looked at the front of my house, but it wouldn’t surprise me if their ubiquitous message had been daubed all over there as well.

They’ve also been punting their BIG SONG: Fear Of The Lord (negative reinforcement is rarely a successful means of control, and this title doesn’t seem to suggest a good way to run any sort of organisation to me) in partnership with the popular series “The Chosen”, on Youtube (76 subscribers).
They tell us:

Go stream it free on The Chosen App. It’s a must-watch!

Hmm. Citation required.

At this point, I usually say something along the lines of:

I did this, so you don’t have to.

But in this case: no chance. You’re on your own.

I did watch the music video though:

Part smiley Jesus (especially when he realises that he’s turned the water into wine, lol), part Afrikaans singing family in their local school hall.

But wait. There’s more!

Binge Jesus for Free on thechosen[dot]tv/app

How exactly do you “Binge Jesus”? What does that process involve?

Yes, in the video, it does seem like he’s a nice bloke.
Yes, in the video, she does seem to have a pretty good voice.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to get tangled up with what almost exactly half of Americans think saved Donald Trump from that bullet in Pennsylvania.

Let’s cut to the chase: I won’t be down in Struisbaai this weekend, and so I won’t be seeing Lighthouse in concert at the Suiderlig Dienssentrum. I will miss Pastor Walters Joubert from Bredasdorp.

Their appeal to:

Kom geniet die Aand saam met ons!

has fallen upon stony ground.

They should at least understand that metaphorical reference.

Meanwhile, in a cruel twist of fate, look who has pulled into my inbox again this afternoon:

This time, he’s singing about the threat that the Afrikaans people and language are [allegedly] facing, and trying to inspire (and here I quote):

…a new generation of Afrikaners who would like to remember the past, preserve it and build on what was good.

Ah yes. The good old days in South Africa.

Bit awkward. Especially since the title of the song is in Dutch (although there is a lengthy backstory, which I read, so you don’t have to) (see? I am a nice guy, really).

Oh man. Nationalist politics or Organised religion?

My two most very favourite things which are doing so much the make the world a better place right now.

Shall we just not?

Was that ok? Do you think?

Day 427 – Bok to basics

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Guess who’s back in my inbox?

It’s popular* Afrikaans singer, Bok van Blerk (You may remember him from all the other times he’s been back in my inbox. Usually it’s to advertise a concert or a speaking tour or a CD.
Last time it was a fishing trip.

THIS TIME WE’RE GOING HUNTING!

Yes, according to yet another email that I never signed up for, I can win a hunting trip with Bok van Blerk (made possible made possible by Bok van Blerk Productions and Thithombo Game Farm) (the very farm where the music video of Hardekole was shot). [spare yourself by not clicking here]

It’s been a bit more than a year since the beginning of the pandemic and if every day is starting to feel a bit “meh”, here’s your chance to change that to “Hunting!”.

Yeah. That one worked better in Afrikaans. And it still wasn’t going to win any comedy awards.

Raffle tickets are “just” R150 a pop, and myself (when I win) and a friend or family member get to go and shoot an impala and a blue wildebeest (Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein, anyone?), and if that’s not enough, we can also add other potential local r targets to our list – “the rates are very affordable”.
And then, once the bloodshed is over, we get to spend the evening around the campfire with Bok, and maybe even sing a song or two. If you were machoistic enough to click through on the Hardekole video above, you’ll see just what a treat** that might be.

Dalk net deel hy ‘n staaltjie of twee of iets interessant oor sy musiek wat niemand anders weet nie. 

Perhaps he might just share an anecdote or two or something interesting about his music that nobody else knows.

Oh, wholly unsolicited email, how you tempt and draw me in!

Fancy (possibly) knowing something about his music that nobody else knows? Do you realise what rich social currency that is? Can you imagine the hoards of enthralled individuals gathered around me at the next braai I attend (socially distanced, please), hanging upon my every word, desperate for me to spill the beans on Bok’s deepest and innermost interesting thing about his music?

Winners are announced on the 18th June on Facebook, so as the email somewhat randomly suggests: “buy another ticket today – or two, or fifteen” and “mark the dates in your diary”, because clearly killing some deers and enjoying a couple of evenings with Bok van Blerk is a prize that you won’t want to miss out on by double-booking it with something important like a haircut or a trip to the garden centre.

Accommodation and meals are included. Drinks are not. I love the way they simply can’t risk Kobus and Dawie turning up and bankrupting the entire operation by draining the whole of Limpopo of brandy and coke. Anyway, that restriction being noted, I’d advise bringing your own Klippies of Red Heart Rum – it’s not like you can pop to the nearest bottle store and risk not hearing an anecdote.

Transport and hunting equipment are not mentioned, but I guess if you are entering this competition, it’s assumed that you have your own Hilux or Ford Ranger double-cab and a wide selection of rifles.

I’m off to raid my bank account and talk to the loan shark around the corner to see just how many tickets I can afford.

* terms and conditions apply
** isn’t it interesting how the words “treat” and “threat” are just one letter different?

Day 347 – Prizes

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I’ve mentioned Afrikaans singer Bok van Blerk on here a few times, after Bok van Blerk mentioned me in his email list even more times. Those days thankfully seem to have passed now, but it seems that Bok continues to enjoy his high-end celebrity lifestyle, even if he doesn’t tell me about it quite so often.

Here’s the latest from him:

Yes, it’s in Afrikaans, as is most Bok van Blerk-related stuff, so let me help you out with a touch of translation. This is a competition whereby you (and a friend) can win a fun long weekend away. That’s pretty cool, but it’s also pretty ordinary. But this long weekend away will be fun because you will spend it fishing with well-known singers Adam Tas and… yes… Bok van Blerk.

Did you miss the opportunity to spend a few hours skateboarding with Ed Sheeran? Wish you could enjoy an afternoon playing Laser Quest with Elton John? Or did you feel sad because the chance to take on Miley Cyrus at crown green bowls was something that you could only dream about?

Well, hard luck. I can’t help with any of that.

But you (and a friend) do still have the chance to go on a long (fun) weekend fishing with well-known singers Adam Tas and Bok van Blerk. OK, it’s not quite stand up paddleboarding with Madonna, but times are tough.

The entry form is here. Good luck.

Day 201, part 2 – Book Bok

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Thanks to my mystery subscriber (or just through sheer good fortune?), I have once again begun receiving pleading emails from Afrikaans “entertainer”, Bok van Blerk (see also here and here).

Today’s missive tells me that “Bookings are now open again”. Presumably, there has been some issue whereby bookings weren’t open and somehow, the situation has improved or been reconciled such that bookings are now open once again.

Great news: let’s get to it! Because even Bok himself looks mildly confused as to why you haven’t booked him yet.

(I actually have a long list of reasons, but let’s save those for another time.)

“Special rates for performances under newest Covid regulations,” it crows, conveniently omitting detailed information as to whether they are special cheaper rates because he needs to sell shows, or special vastly increased rates to make up for the recent dearth of opportunities.

Contact us now!

Indeed, you’d better be quick. Business must be good if they have the time to email random, English, Cape Town bloggers who have unsubscribed from his mailing list 74 times.
That sort of action certainly certainly doesn’t smack of any sort of hopeless desperation.

Right. I’m off to unsubscribe yet again.
Wish me luck.

Bok’s back

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I’ve now unsubscribed from Afrikaans singer Bok van Blerk‘s email list 17 times.

And yet look what arrived this morning:

Which can only mean one of two things. Either Bok en sy orkes is disobeying the incredibly well-respected SA law around spamming people with emails, or some prankster is repeatedly signing me up for more emails from Lindi – Bok’s marketing person.

Whichever of these scenarios it is, I should be annoyed. And yet, how would I ever have known that the song Was scored number one on many nationwide hit parades if I hadn’t been emailed?

(Mainly Solely the Afrikaans ones, I’d wager.)

And simply the title of Blouwildebliksemsfontein (literally “Blue Wild Lightning Fountain”, but in practice it’s probably a good deal more complicated than that) makes me want to listen to it. Briefly. Very, very briefly.

Anyway, I’ve reunsubscribed to Bok’s mailing list, so if you’re the one putting me back on, you need to do it again now.

Thank you for your efforts.