I have learned nothing

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The internet is back. It came back this morning, and it’s been here every since.

But I have learned nothing. I’m still leaving it late to drop a post in, even though the internet could disappear again at any moment.

And it might, because the weather locally has been quite… “exciting”.

The locals here are moaning about the state of the road out to the village, as if they are some special case that deserves to have their potholes filled and the municipality’s grader at their disposal immediately that there’s a bit of rain.

Especially the guy that EMPHASISES some of his WORDS in every message by using capitals somewhat RANDOMLY!!!

Honestly, it’s not that bad, especially when compared to the rest of the province.

[It was at this point that the internet connection completely disappeared – my deity, I’m such a muppet sometimes]

The cottage has been completely spring cleaned and we’re sitting in front of the fire and looking forward to some dinner.

And the internet is back so I’m uploading this RIGHT NOW!!!

On Edge

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A last minute dot com trip down to Agulhas through some truly horrible driving conditions, in order to prep it for an upcoming visit later this month.

It’s been a while since we’ve been here and there are a few jobs that needed doing and lot of cleaning – neither of which could really wait any longer.

And so here we are.

But I’m on edge. Nervous because the internet here is slower than a blonde chick trying basic mathematics, and I’m worried that this post is going to be difficult to upload.

It’s late, it’s dark, it’s wet and the only road out of here towards better signal is full of mud and potholes.

You know I’ll still do it if I have to.

But there’s no 5G here. No 4G, LTE or even 3G, High Speed Downlink Packet Access (have I remembered that right?) (I’d look it up but I only have EDGE internet).

So is this text only blog post going to upload without troubling me to go out into the night?

Only one way to find out. But of course, you’ll not know the difference anyway.

Let’s give it a go.

Good idea

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Tonight’s plan for a beer and curry night seems to have been one of the better decisions I have made of late. At the time of writing, we’re 60mm deeper in water than we were this morning, and it’s dark and grey and stormy out there, with no signs of letting up any time soon.

It’s already added 87,704,000,000 litres to our dams in the last week.
No big issue with that – I might need to water my lawn in December.

Anyway, the good news is that with a beer expert…

I didn’t know what the word for this was, so I asked Google.

Beerologist, libationist, beer devotee, wert guru, beer maven, beer expert, hophead, pisspot, a tippler, a grog artist, a boozer, a beer buff, a slops surveyor, an ale addict, a hops handler, a quaffer, and the chairman of the brewed.

I was looking for a technical, official term, but I got given this. Unhelpful.

Anyway, as I was saying, the good news is that with a beer expert a pisspot coming over this evening, I have got some different beers in to taste – mostly local, but some from Germany, and one from Belgium – and I have cooked up two moerse curries: a lentil and butternut korma and a great-smelling, masala-style chicken dish. There’s naan, there’s achtar (mango, obvs) and there’s homemade raita with fresh mint plucked from the garden before things out there got scary.

We’ll light the fire up (spoiler – it’s already lit) and play pool, listen to the latest tunes from the hit parade, and enjoy some heartwarming food and company.

Tomorrow might be a little iffy, but let’s deal with that if and when we need to, because tonight promises to be a lot of fun.

Monitoring the situation

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I played football last night, and consequently, I found myself absolutely broken today.

And yet I’ve still had to do a whole day of stuff.

Eina fok.

So here’s a Water Monitor from Kruger National Park.

He has nothing to do with my predicament today. But he will suffice in being a quota photo, allowing me to get on with going to bed.

Danger Gulls in Scotland

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Things are getting (more) dangerous in Scotland. And by things, I mean Seagull Attacks. So much so, that now politicians there are calling for a summit to discuss the issue.

See?

How will this help? Will the seagulls be attending? And if so, will they agree to cease their ever more terrifying acts of violent assault on Scottish people – especially the children?

Yes. Exactly. Because they are the ones that are being attacked:

Ms Hamilton said “aggressive” seagulls had attacked seven children in one month last year in Eyemouth, leaving one girl “with gashes to her scalp and blood running down her face”.

Thankfully, this was in the town of Eyemouth and not Carotidartery. Maybe choose to live somewhere that doesn’t give them ideas.

And it’s no wonder that people are scared when you look at the size of the gulls in the article above.

That one is almost as big as a church. And that would be terrifying if it came after you. Although this church (and presumably the massive seagull) are on the West coast of Scotland (in Largs), while Eyemouth in on the East coast. But I do think that I remember reading once that seagulls can fly, so I don’t think that you’re 100% safe even with that geographical assistance.

Anyway, it’s clearly something that NatureScot – the Scottish Nature people responsible for licensing control of the birds and… er… also conserving them – need to sort out. The MPs aren’t happy about their efforts so far:

The behaviour of the SNP’s quango NatureScot confirms they have lost the plot. They have told people to protect themselves with umbrellas and even suggested dogs as a deterrent.

Umbrellas for the birds attacking from above, dogs for the assaults from ground level, I presume.
It really wouldn’t work any other way, right?

The strength of the cross-party support in my debate today should be all the SNP government need to finally act before we see someone killed due to being attacked by a gull.

It’s not clear (to me, at least) how exactly this would occur. Unless the gulls are carrying knives and guns now. And the victim is umbrella and dogless. In which case they were asking for trouble, anyway.

Our seagulls in Cape Town are nowhere near as big or aggressive as these Scottish monsters. Although I would still advise you to take an umbrella down to the Waterfront if you’re headed there this weekend.

It’s going to rain.