Category: this is south africa

PILCHARDS OF DOOM

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So read the headline on the Daily Voice this morning. All in big capitals. Just like I did in the title there.

The story behind the headline is – perhaps unsurprisingly – nowhere near as catchy, concerning the death of a Paarl man after he (drank several litres of cheap wine and) ate an expired tin of pilchards.

The expiry date on the can clearly states the contents are not to be eaten after 2005. But Flip “Billy” Blou, 41, was too drunk to notice and ate his fill on Sunday.

Within hours he died a painful death, bleeding from the ears, mouth and nose.

His friend Henry Fransman also helped himself to the expired fish after drinking heavily with Flip. He is now recovering in hospital.

Ouch.

Drinking buddy Vuyani Goniwe, 36, said the day had started out pleasantly.

He told the Daily Voice they had each contributed R10 towards buying a R30, five-litre bottle of Cape Best wine and shared it at the Never-Never tavern.

“We were all very drunk that day but the two of them were worse, they could not even walk,” saidVuyani. “They were carried out in a wheelbarrow. We had been drinking together the whole day.”

“Cape Best Wine”? At R6 a litre? “Best”. Right.

Goniwe said he suspects the fish, and not the wine, caused his friends to get violently ill.

Ah – the old “dodgy kebab” excuse. Yeah. Been there, used that. Never after drinking 5 litres of wine and coming home in a wheelbarrow though. That’s something a little different. Nice twist.

From a microbiological point of view, I was interested. With bleeding from the ears, mouth and nose, one immediately suspects viral haemorrhagic fever, but that seems a little unlikely in Paarl. With canned food, one immediately suspects Clostridium perfringens, but the symptoms of that particular bug don’t usually even include vomiting, let alone vomiting blood.
Most of the symptoms here are far more consistent with severe alcohol poisoning, but who on earth could even consider that given the facts detailed above?

More concerning still is the final line of the story in which Minister Alan Winde states that:

the next step would be to wait for the results of the autopsy to establish exactly what had killed the two men.

only one of whom has actually died.

Some Few Things

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A few things that caught my interest today:

Avon sales are up in South Africa, which is good news for those selling Avon products – and their kids:

“My daughter also took the brochure into school – they both knew that if there were orders then they were sure they were going to have food at the end of the day.”

Volunteer rat trappers required on the Calf of Man. I would do this if I was anywhere near to the Calf of Man. As it is, I will have to continue practising on the moles in my back garden. No bad thing.

I have a bloody earworm from some film my wife watched this weekend. I may need this.

My first homebrew project is underway, with my kit from BeerLab. I’m suddenly concerned over the exact air temperature in my house. Oh, and where I’m going to get 23 litres of beer bottles from in the next week and a half.

The Man United refereeing post which is interesting, but which requires shedloads of extra data before it means very much.

Currently, my favourite song from the new Muse album is Follow Me:

 

…which will definitely be making an appearance on my RunMix02. Big up to Radio One for the amazing light show in the Live Lounge. Yes, I know it’s radio, but really – why bother at all?

The Rand is currently at R8.92/$ and R14.29/£.
I, like the rest of South Africa, am quietly weeping somewhere deep inside.

Woolies counters new allegations

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Having apparently survived the ridiculous Justin Harrison’s ridiculous calls for a boycott against it, Woolworths in South Africa now finds itself having to counter allegations regarding the contents of its pre-prepared fruit salads.

Some unnamed individuals have suggested that the list of ingredients as “fruit” is vague and requires clarification. Perhaps mindful of their tardy addressing of the previous issues, Woolies has this time been quick to respond:

Yes, in a fruit salad related revelation probably only equal to that of their previous fruit salad revelation, it seems that Woolworths’ Seasonal Berry Mix includes Berries. (Probably seasonal ones.)

Who knew?

Maltese Poodle of Sea Point Tannie Is First Victim Of New Scheme

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Just a few hours into the City of Cape Town’s bold new plan to allow “active mobility” on the Sea Point Promenade (see here), a Maltese Poodle has become the first victim of an errant cyclist on the Prom.

Hezekiah – now dead

The canine in question, named Hezekiah or “Hezzie” for short, belonged to long-time Sea Point resident Olive Sonnenberg and was hit by a bike during their normal morning walk at about 6:30 this morning, on the first day that restrictions on bicycles, skateboards and roller blades being used on the popular Promenade were lifted and only hours after hundreds of cyclists again defied local bylaws on the monthly Moonlight Mass bicycle ride.

A tearful Sonnenberg (86) told 6000 miles…

“Hezzie was my only companion since my dear husband Elias died a few years ago. We walked here every morning, come rain or shine. He knew to watch out for bicycles, because we had to cross the road from the apartments to get onto the Promenade and they always ignore the red light on the pedestrian crossing. But the Prom was his territory, it was his place of safety. He was happily chasing a seagull when the mountain bike hit him. There was a horrible yelp and then just silence.”

The cyclist failed to stop after the incident, but two skateboarders did stop, though apparently only to take photographs on their cellphones.

A Police spokesperson said:

“We are searching Facebook for potential witnesses. But we want to appeal to anyone who saw this incident to please come forward.
At the same time, we wish to assure Sea Point residents, joggers and dog walkers using the Prom that we have no evidence yet that any sort of scoring system has been instituted by cyclists and the like regarding “hits” while using active mobility options on the Promenade during October.
We are, however, concerned at reports that the cyclist involved in this incident was allegedly heard to shout something about ‘500 points’ as he left the scene.”

Local residents were unsurprised that there had already been a casualty under the new scheme, describing it as “a disaster waiting to happen”. Residents Association chairperson, Maurice Spitz:

“We are predicting at least one injury a week. It’s just like that pigeon that was killed in the rowing machine when they opened that outdoor gym at Three Anchor Bay.
The death of Olive’s dog so early in this idiotic project just shows what carnage and bloodshed will ensue on our Promenade during October.”

We’ll keep you updated on any further casualties here on 6000 miles…

One stone

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This week, I have been mainly plagued by birds.
And not in a good way.

On Wednesday, I spotted a pigeon sitting on the one of the roofbars of my car, repeatedly defaecating onto the roof. I tried to shoo it away. I tried clapping. It was unimpressed. And so, I approached it and, almost in slow motion, took a swipe at it.
Hand connected with bird, hard.
Bird crashed off the roof and onto the car park floor, hard.
Unfortunately for me, my shooing and clapping had attracted the attention of the ladies in the office next door. All that they saw was me klapping an innocent pigeon.
Given the lack of context, they were rightfully horrified. But at least the pigeon didn’t come back.

And then, on Thursday morning, still half asleep, I opened the curtains at home to find another pigeon on the patio. It stared at me – its eyes burning through to my very soul – as if it knew all about the klapping incident the previous day. This time, I shooed and I clapped, but at least when it didn’t leave, I refrained from attempting to strike the thing (even though there was no-one there to witness it this time).
This pigeon had leg rings on and with a bit of help from google, I managed to contact the local pigeon racing union and they came round to collect it. Turns out that it had been in a race from Springbok in the Northern Cape, back to Cape Town (but not to my back garden). I guess it got lost and lost the race.
The winner got R100,000. Once again, I realised that I am in the wrong career.

Yesterday, on the drive down to Agulhas, I killed two birds (1x Cape sparrow, 1x Cape weaver) by smashing 1300kg of car into their puny little bodies at 120kph. I’d rather have avoided them, but I couldn’t.

Again, as with the pigeon encounters, this is an unusual occurrence. I was once in a taxi that killed a magpie between the airport and Castletown in the Isle of Man in 2002, but that’s it.
Birds and I are not mixing well this week.

Why am I telling you this? Because I’m planning to braai a chicken this evening and I’m now convinced that it’s going to kill me. So, thanks for reading all these years. It’s been fun, but I’m guessing that this is the last you’ll be hearing from me.
And stop that cheering at the back. Now.