Coleen is new bonnag champ

I know. You’ve been on the edge of your seats waiting for the results to filter through from the Isle of Man. And I can now officially reveal that the new World Bonnag Champion is Coleen Cowin, having beaten off some strong competition from two time Champion Vanessa Callin. In fact, bookies’ favourite Callin seemed all set to make it a hattrick of wins before a bewilderingly disastrous incident with the bicarb.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the competition, it was only Mrs Clague that let the Clague household down, with hubby Gordon taking first prize in the men’s event and son Bryce demolishing his opponents with a magnificent Manx Bunloaf-style bonnag in the youth section. This being the 21st century, it’s less likely that Mrs C will be cast out from the family in shame.
But still, if she was, who could really blame them?

The 2015 Championships were nothing if not innovative, with a gluten-free bonnag side tournament and a Mandoza-inspired 50-50 bonnag competition, whereby a half-plain, half-fruit bonnag is presented to the judges in kwaito style.

If you want to make your bit for World Bonnag stardom in 2016, now seems a good time to start with a basic fruit bonnag recipe (the plain bonnag really being suitable only for industrial building projects, IMHO) like this one:

Fruit Bonnag
2½ cups flour
1 cup sugar
1 cup currants
1 tbsp margarine
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 large tsp mixed spice
1 few drops vanilla essence
1 cup or more buttermilk
Rub the butter into the flour. Add other dry ingredients.
When will mixed, add buttermilk and mix.

Bake about 1 hour at 180ºC.

Cast out Mrs Clague.

Devour.

What the German Navy did next

I wrote about those three German warships off the coast of Struisbaai earlier this week. I jokingly suggested that if they were going to try and invade South Africa, I’d (probably briefly) attempt to see them off using the joint defences of a slingshot and a beagle.
I say ‘jokingly’, because they were there on a friendly, cooperative military exercise with the local SA Navy. They pose no danger to the local area or community.

Well, apart from that fishing boat that they tried to sink, of course.

Commercial fisherman Anthony Day told the newspaper he and nine crew members set off from Struisbaai harbour at about 02:30 in his 28-foot ski boat. At the harbour he had spoken to people from a charter company who told him a radio-controlled vessel there was due to take part in an exercise.

He headed in the opposite direction from the Denel missile testing range at De Hoop, but later saw a ship approaching. Next thing three heavy-calibre shots went off in quick succession, landing about 15 metres from them.

Day said the shots were so loud his ears rang, and he could smell gunpowder.

Although he had his navigation and anchor lights on, he immediately switched on his deck lights so they could see it was a fishing vessel. He tried to radio the ship but got no response, and then radioed Cape Town Radio telling them he’d been shot at.

Cape Town Radio apparently made contact with the ship and told him the commander had said the shots had been fired in error.

WTF? “Fired in error”. That’s reassuring.
Almost as reassuring as the next line in the article:

The SA Navy and German navy told the Cape Times they were unaware of the incident and would release a statement when they had established the facts.

But, but… der Kommandant just said he did it by mistake. Now they are unaware of it?
You can’t have it both ways.

I’m no expert on guns and stuff. I prefer to rely on beagle power during times of conflict. Don’t we all? But the 76mm guns which were likely the source of the incoming “heavy-calibre shots” aren’t small. I’d guess that your average 28-foot ski boat is unlikely to survive a hit.
Which brings me to the next set of reassuring points: why did they fire upon and how on earth did they miss a fully lit fishing boat in the middle of the night? With all that technology on board these modern, expensive warships, shouldn’t that be a bit of an easy target?

Apparently not, no. Fortunately for Captain Day, it takes a few shots to find your range. What a waste of big bullets. Zat ist ferry inefficient, nein?
It does give me new hope that myself and Colin the beagle might get a few barks in before we’re vapourised though.

The three German warships post has done great business on here. Little did I know that there would be a real story that came out of it. Wow.

I, like you, cannot wait for the official explanation on this one. Watch this space.

There are three German warships off the coast of Struisbaai

I’m not saying that it’s necessarily anything to worry about.
(UPDATE: Or is there?)
I’m just saying that they’re there.

germ

The Hessen, The Berlin and The Karlsruhe are probably just hanging around out there about 20 nautical miles offshore and enjoying the late summer calamari season. My sources tell me that squid is a very popular dish in Germany. Right?

The Berlin is essentially a supply ship, a support vessel for other German Navy ships.

Built in 1984, the Karlsruhe is a Bremen-class frigate. It’s got guns.

The Hessen is a more modern (2006) Sachsen-class frigate.

HESSEN
It’s got LOTS of guns:

These ships are optimized for the anti-air warfare role. The primary anti-air weapons are the 32-cell Mk 41 Mod 10 vertical launching system, equipped with twenty-four SM-2 Block IIIA missiles and thirty-two Evolved Sea Sparrowmissiles. Point-defense against cruise missiles is provided by a pair of 21-round Rolling Airframe Missile launchers. The ships are also equipped with two four-cell RGM-84 Harpoon anti-ship missile launchers.

For defense against submarines, the frigates carry two triple-launchers for the 324 mm (12.8 in) MU90 Impact torpedoes. The ships also carry a variety of guns, including one dual-purpose 62-caliber 76-millimeter (3.0 in) gun manufactured by OTO Melara.
They are also armed with two Rheinmetall 27 mm (1.1 in) MLG 27 remote-controlled autocannons in single mounts.

Oh yeah?
Well, I’ve got a catty that I picked up at the robots in Somerset West (although I’m not ever so accurate with it) and I also have a beagle, albeit that it’s a beagle that generally gets quite scared when confronted with anything bigger than a seagull. (c.f. the Hessen at a length of 143m and a displacement of 5,800 tonnes.)

Having compared the respective weaponry at our disposal (and despite having noted with some glee that they have no specific anti-beagle measures available to them), I think that the German warships can stay right where they are if they like, or they can can even come and take over Struisbaai if that’s what they want to do.

I, for one, welcome our new Teutonic overlords.

Confirmed positions this afternoon: here, here & here.

UPDATE: Obviously they’re here using the convenient old “bilateral exercise” story:

The aim of the bilateral exercise is to facilitate the sharing of maritime expertise and to strengthen the military cooperation between the two countries.

Sadly, given the distinct lack of any SA Navy vessels in the vicinity, I have a sinking feeling (pun intended) that the strengthening of military cooperation may have been a bit of a one way street.

Stellenberg High School at Newlands

A bit of detective work has helped me find out which school was responsible for “those displays” at Newlands during the rugby on Saturday.

Step forward Stellenberg High School – brilliant.

sths   sths2
Amazingly, people seemed to be watching the rugby as well and there’s not much other documented evidence of their displays. If anyone has any better photos or videos of their performances on Saturday, please get in touch. Meanwhile, here’s an example of the kind of thing they were doing:

This is er… “flashing”: exposing your school blazer or shirt/blouse to “flash” black or white to make a design or symbol.
It seems that a) Flashing is a Northern Suburbs thing, and 2) Hoërskool Stellenberg are pretty damn good at it.

Dat line

The best bit of an otherwise forgettable weekend was probably watching the rugby on Saturday at the crumbling Newlands Stadium.

image
And while even the result of that was rather distressing, it was a good spectacle at times.

Take, for example, the arrow straightness of this Stormers defensive wall – aided by the try line – both of which were crossed soon after this photo was taken.