We can fix our s#*t

2017 has been yet another rough year for everyone, everywhere across the globe. I guess then that the only individuals who are even vaguely happy are the astronauts on the International Space Station, but even they have to come back down to earth (figuratively and literally) at some point.

But I’d wager that the people of South Africa have had it worse than most, on average. On top of all of our usual daily problems of unemployment, poverty, crime and getting distracted by the outstanding scenery, we have descended deeper into so-called State Capture, and with it, many the associated depressing economic consequences, which in turn have exacerbated the unemployment, poverty and crime.

It can like to be a vicious circle of note.

Things may seem bad right now, and that’s precisely because things are bad right now. But South Africa has a history of bouncing back from these sort of seemingly impossible-to-bounce-back-from situations. Hence this sort of positivity from this brilliant Nando’s advert.

There’s a lot in there that South Africans will understand. But it will leave a lot of 6000 miles… readers overseas a little bewildered. So, why am I posting it, knowing that half the people who see it will already have seen it and it will mean nothing to the others?

Well, because I like it and I know that in n years time, someone – probably in a pub somewhere in Bloemfontein – will go:

Hey – remember that Nando’s advert? The one just before JZ got dumped as President? That was so funny.

…will google “Nando’s State Capture Advert” and will arrive here and enjoy the above once again. For old times sake.

If that’s you: Hi. We’ve been waiting. Amazing how prophetic the advert was, hey? We really did manage to fix out s#*t once again.

I know. I’m also amazed.

David’s Water Crisis Facts

Mythbusting. It’s a thing. Two middle-aged gentlemen in San Francisco famously made a living out of it. So step forward then David W. Olivier, who – right from the get go – is anxious for us to know that he:

does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

That article being this one, in which he rejects our reality and substitutes his own:

David has gone out on a bit of a limb here by using facts and relevant information to make his case. An approach that the Facebook hordes are unlikely to recognise. And if you read it through rather cynical eyes, it does appear as a bit of a City of Cape Town puff piece, but then you realise that maybe, just maybe, they have also been using facts and relevant information when informing us about the water crisis.

Wow.

David hits us with truth bombs about the much alleged lack of preparedness:

Climate trends over the past 40 years gave no indication of the drought’s timing, intensity or duration. In fact, dams were overflowing in winter 2014. The weather forecasts gave no indication that the 2015 drought would continue over another year. A study by the University of Cape Town came out a few weeks ago, saying that the odds of the drought carrying over again into 2017 were less than one in one thousand.

He then goes in for a combination attack detailing the myths of lack of enforcement and water being lost to leaks, before a killer blow on the “why didn’t we build a big desalination plant?” debate:

A desalination plant large enough to accommodate Cape Town’s needs (450 megalitres per day) would cost 15 billion rand to build and then millions more to maintain.
There is a chance that by the time such a plant is built, the drought would be over. The city would be left with a very expensive white elephant.

And then, after a page or two of cold, hard realities, a single paragraph of reasoned opinion.

Blame shifting, fault finding and panic are usual reactions to water crises all over the world. Some anxiety is good, as it motivates water saving, but blame shifting actually pushes responsibility away, and causes water wastage. The best attitude Cape Town’s people can adopt is for every person to do their best, together. The world is watching, let’s set them an example to follow.

How dare you, David? How very dare you?

Of course, as a Cape Town resident, you might feel that sharing this sort of thing might move some of the responsibility away from the city and onto your shoulders. And, if I may be so bold, that’s probably one very good reason that these myths have conveniently gone unchallenged and been perpetuated on social media, around braais, and on social media around braais.

Why not lead the way by breaking the cycle and when one of these Seven Deadly Myths [Really? – Ed.] gets quoted in your presence, give them a friendly nudge or punch in the face and tell them the truth?

It’s ever so liberating.

Monday

South African Twitter was a nice place to be today* as some of the country’s farmers took to the streets to protest about “alleged” farm murders.
I say “alleged” because that’s (primarily) the matter over which there is a degree of disagreement, with the protest protagonists claiming a “white genocide”, and their critics claiming that there is no specific problem. It’s entirely likely that neither party is correct, and rather that the truth lies somewhere in between the two, but you try finding some independent commentary on the subject. It’s like fracking, but with human lives. (Or, I suppose, not, depending on your point of view.)
Even the usually reasonable and reliable Africa Check seems to have ducked this thorny apple, with their convenient “look, it’s really difficult to calculate” response.

It’s all been spiced up with a healthy degree of racism (this being a predominantly white protest and the old SA flag on display here and there) and sharing of fake news (this being 2017 and the old SA flag having been previously on display at other places). It’s certainly brought plenty of previously hidden opinions and feelings to light; as one individual pointed out “This is a good day to work out who to unfriend on Facebook”. Oh, and there have been some PRIZE candidates on either side. But were we all to do that here today, SA social media would be a barren, empty place tomorrow, instead of just the normal tense, bitter powder keg that we all know and love.
Better then just to observe and make mental notes. Or just use the MUTE button. Although each to their own, of course. Heaven help me if I don’t make that abundantly clear.

Elsewhere, our government continues to take the piss on an unprecedented scale, but we’re too busy fighting amongst ourselves to pay any attention to any of that.

Brilliant.

 

* This is sarcasm. Deep, deep sarcasm, thick like treacle. Thick, thick treacle.

Dubai

I’m flying to Dubai today, and that’s got me quite excited.

Travelling is exciting anyway, but Dubai is especially thrilling.

Reason: Loads of ANC-related people seem to have gone to Dubai in the past, and returned with lavish gifts, bonuses, jobs and property. (Not literally property, obviously, but the legal documentation thereof.)

Now, I’m not an ANC-related person, but I really don’t see how this will adversely affect my chances of hitting the big time in the commercial hub of the Middle East. It seems to me that all I have to do is attend a meeting that I will thereafter swear never took place, say yes to the right people, and suddenly Atul and Ajay are my metaphorical uncles.

Ker – if you’ll bear with me for one more moment – Ching.

I can’t wait. I might even take a R600m bribe if when I’m offered it.
Well, it’d be rude and wholly ethical not to, wouldn’t it?

And I’d hate to be rude.

I’ll be back presently, and in the meantime, blog posts will obviously continue, as they always do. Once I’m completely captured, I’ll be able to travel a lot more to Dubai, launching 6000.ae before potentially retiring there and avoiding numerous criminal charges.
Impunity and immunity can like to be my middle names.

I mean, have you seen their extradition policy with SA?
No? Exactly.

One for December

Just leaving this here.

Oh no. Wouldn’t it be awful if there was some sort of previously unforeseen problem with the election process for a new ANC leader and we were stuck with Jacob Zuma for an (as yet unspecified) further period of time?

But that would never happen, would it.

Would it?

Mmm. Anyway… as you were.