Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

There’s a twitter account running from Cape Town called @SM_CapeTown. It seems to exist solely to promote local SMEs and the like. I’m not a fan of that sort of account – it adds little or no value to my social media experience – but, I assume that as far as these organisations are concerned, having their name and/or posts broadcast to the 4,284 followers of @SM_CapeTown makes good business sense.

So, fair enough.

Except, if I were one of those clients, paying for the service, I’d like a bit more attention paid to the manner in which stuff was being shared. Several (or more) times each day, the account appears to auto-RT a random tweet from one of the accounts it follows, along with the message:

Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

Nothing more sincere than being a number picked by a computer and then congratulated… er… by a computer.

Sometimes, this works. The other 99% of the time, the random tweet is out of context and either makes absolutely no sense or is wholly drab and disinteresting, in which case the whole thing just looks daft. I’d love to unfollow the account, but I can’t because firstly, it’s like watching a car crash in slow motion: you just can’t look away, secondly, it can be stupidly entertaining at times, and then thirdly – one day, maybe one of my tweets will be shared.
I can but dream.

In the meantime, here are a few examples of Great tweets, from people whose next works of art we are looking forward to :-)!

We begin with a fantastic trifecta of osteoporosis prevention advice, some copyright issue and a question about lightbulbs. IT GETS NO BETTER THAN THIS! Great tweets, looking forward to your next works of art :-)!

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Then, Hilda doesn’t know if Andre and Hilary are coming along to… her… thing. Will Andre confirm?
Either way, Great tweet Hilda, we’re all looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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Here’s a tweet from Andre Beukes (the owner of @SM_CapeTown), auto-RT’d by his own auto-RT bot. It’s almost like his alter-ego wants us to know all about Andre’s habits with Vaseline. Eww. On the plus side though, it is a Great tweet Andre, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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It pays to be prepared. Guy Fawkes Day in Cape Town may be November 5th, the same as Guy Fawkes Day everywhere else in the world, but you can never get important messages out too early. Even 11 months ahead of time. This is a Great tweet, I’m really looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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A short compliment with half a twitter link. Have we now reached Peak GreatTweet? What a Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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Pizza delivery is a cut-throat business in SA. And any company whose social media policies can help it to rise above the rabble is bound to be successful. In telling us what they sell and for how much, Domino’s has really achieved this. In a difficult field, this is a Great tweet, we’re literally looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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More from Andre’s other account, but this time, it’s an bot auto-RT’ing a tweet originally automatically sent out by another bot. Botception, almost. Great news for Andre though, as both his follower count and his mention reach is up. It’s for these reasons that this can rightly be defined as a Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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Cape Town Freeway Management Service is dedicated to keeping us all on the road, 24/7/365. Their updates are therefore very important if you’re travelling by road in the Cape Town area, but surely you would be hard pressed to describe them as a “Great tweet” or “a work of art”. Well, you would have been until you see this next superb update about the routine maintenance occurring on the N7 south: it’s a gem! Wowzers! What a Great tweet, Cape Town Freeway Management Service, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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The technology to make this system work better surely exists. We can put men on the moon, probes on comets, almost definable iced animals on Zoo Biscuits. We must be able to program a computer to better decide what actually is a great tweet and come up with something more varied and sincere than Andre’s bot is currently managing. No?

I know what you’re thinking though:

Great post, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

Thanks, guys.

Worst no age restriction ever

We were looking at getting some tickets for a local version of a popular Broadway show called Vocal Harmonisation in the Precipitation (or something similar). Our younger child is particularly keen to go along.

But… is this show suitable for a seven year old? Quick – to the website, Batman!
Where we found this:
image

“No under 5s. No age restriction.”

Apart from under 5s, I presume?

It turns out that firstly, going to the theatre is DAMN EXPENSIVE (no wonder it’s dying the death), and secondly, the direct contradiction above is far from the most confusing thing in the terms and conditions, which have forty-seven different pricing options, depending on seat position, age, status, height, beagle ownership and “whether the wind be in the East, my boy”. Oh, and also depending on whether you automatically pronounced that last one in a pirate’s accent.

On a more serious note, the website also describes those in the first few rows of the stalls as being in danger of getting wet, during the show’s “Big Number” (from where it takes its name). I’d like to know just how much water is used in this sequence, please, given that the local outrage athletes and killjoys got Slide The City cancelled for exactly the same spurious reasons.

Ah yes. Remember those halcyon pre-#NeneFired days when arguing over recycled non-potable water was the biggest concern we had?

What we wouldn’t give to go back to them now, hey?

SA Rugby Quiz Book makes ideal Xmas gift

First off, this isn’t a sponsored post. No money or goods have exchanged hands.
It’s just that when you look at nature, you see that organisms helping each other out generally seem to have a good time.
Lichen is a mix of fungus and algae, and covers 6% of the entire plant. Successful.
Ocellaris clownfish live in perfect harmony with protective Ritteri sea anemones. Pretty.
And in the microbiological world, beneficial mutualism is around every very tiny corner. Small.Fullscreen capture 2015-12-11 115934 AM.bmpNo. See, I know the author of this book (that’s one reason I know it’s going to be good) and I also know that some (or more) readers out there will be looking for a decent present for their (let’s face it, probably male, and therefore probably really difficult to buy for) family members.

As ever, I’m here to help.

Ex-journalist Pierre has been researching and writing his 1001 question long Springbok Rugby Quiz book for over 10 years. He has a scientific background, is a stickler for detail and has an immense passion for the sport, both as a participant and as an avid fan. It’s the perfect recipe for this sort of thing.
Oh, and he’s also led a pretty adventurous life.

I’m no expert on egg-chasing, even less so on the history of the South African game, but I’ve seen the book and I even managed to get one question correct (the answer was Kobus Wiese) from the approximately twenty I attempted. This 5% record might not seem impressive, but I was looking at the Afrikaans (rather than the English) version of the book, and any right answer when you first have to translate the question from a language you can’t actually speak is not to be sniffed at.

So – here’s what you need to know about the ordering the book:

  • It’s R250, all in. 
  • That includes it being signed by the author.
  • And it also includes delivery to any address in South Africa within 4 working days.
  • Ook, jy kan die boek in Engels of Afrikaans kry.
  • You can pay by credit card or EFT.

Ordering details here.

Again, I’m not on any affiliate deal or commission here. Just trying to help match you, the rugby quiz book needing customer, with Pierre, the rugby quiz book writing… writer.

Likewise, maybe you want to share this post with someone who needs to buy a Springbok rugby quiz book.
Symbiosis, see? We should all try it.

Cape Town’s new water restrictions

In case you’ve been living under a rock, the word on the bone-dry street is that South Africa has very little water. This is allegedly due to several factors: poorly maintained infrastructure, a lack of adequate rainfall during the winter just past, and overuse by ignorant and/or uncaring consumers. And, because sorting out infrastructure is – pardon the pun – no quick fix, and the rain dancing seems to have failed to appease whatever sky fairy it was directed at, guess who is going to have to bear the brunt of the plans to save water?

Spoiler Alert: It are you and I.

Cape Town is permanently on Level 1 water restrictions because there’s not enough wet stuff around to be wasteful at any time, but given that the dams are just 63% full (vs 90+% for the last three years at this time), the Mayoral Committee recently decided that puny Level 1 restrictions simply weren’t doing enough to adequately conserve water, and has suggested that more draconian Level 2 restrictions be brought in, and that looks set to happen on the 1st January.

Here’s a list of what those new Level 2 restrictions entail:

Restrictions applicable to all customers

  • Watering (with drinking water from municipal supply) of gardens, flower beds, sports fields, parks, lawns and other open spaces allowed only on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays for a maximum of one hour per premises either before 09:00 or after 18:00. This includes watering with buckets or automated sprinkler systems.
  • Watering via boreholes and or well points falls under the same restrictions as above. Residential users are allowed only one hour a day per premises whereas businesses, industries and City or Government departments are allowed two hours a day per premises.
  • No watering will be permitted within 24 hours of rainfall that provides adequate saturation. Customers making use of boreholes or other sources are not exempt from this.
  • Special users (e.g. golf courses and schools) can apply to the Director: Water & Sanitation for exemption from any of the above restrictions by emailing Water.Restrictions@capetown.gov.za.
  • When watering with alternative water resources like harvested rain water, re-used grey water or treated effluent water, you are encouraged to comply with the above restrictions.
  • If other water sources (e.g. boreholes, well points, grey water re-use, treated effluent water) are utilised, all customers should ensure that they display signage to this effect that is clearly visible from a public thoroughfare.
  • No automatic top-up systems are allowed for swimming pools. It is recommended that all swimming pools be covered by a pool cover to avoid evaporation when not in use.
  • Ornamental water fountains and water features are to be operated only by recycling the water.
Restrictions applicable to residential customers
  • Washing of vehicles is only allowed with hosepipes fitted with automatic self-closing devices, or with waterless products.
  • No washing or hosing down of hard-surfaced or paved areas with drinking water from a tap is allowed.
  • Residents are encouraged to replace all taps, showerheads and other plumbing components with water efficient parts or technologies.

Red emphasis by me. Points two and three may be of particular interest to our local schools, who – using borehole water – irrigate their fields during the day, come blazing sunshine, pouring rain or umshado wezinkawu. And there are several other quite significant rules there as well, I think you’ll note. Here’s a poster with all the info on.

However, as ever, the issues will be threefold.

Firstly, people won’t hear (or will claim not to have heard) about the restrictions and will plead ignorance. This happens every year with the road closures for the State Opening Of Parliament. Every year.
Secondly, those who do hear about the restrictions will ignore them anyway, because that’s what South Africans do – it’s obviously about other people, not them – and thirdly, that’s fine because there will be absolutely no enforcement anyway.

Oh dear.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Because those all too easy excuses won’t save you from the increased charges you’ll be paying. For an average domestic customer, the differences in price are as follows:

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But, since this is a “revenue-neutral” plan, what will save you from the increased charges is if you cut your water consumption by 10% from its current level. And, if you follow the rules and the recommendations above, that shouldn’t be too difficult.

That said, as consumers we were told that if each of us were to lower our electricity usage by 10%, there would be no need for loadshedding. And that blatantly didn’t happen. For all the reasons given above, funnily enough.

So, I predict outrage from about mid-February, when the first billing cycle from the 1st January increases lands in the post and email inboxes of those poor people who “just didn’t know”, or just didn’t care. I’d like to think that my Capetonian readers won’t fall into either of those two categories. I’ve done my bit right here on at least one of them.
Why not share this post so that your friends join the water saving party too?

UPDATE: via @JacquesR here are some FAQs from the infamous 2005 drought, lending further detail to waterwise behaviour.

For soundbites only

This is a really rubbish column. (No, not this one, the one I’m about to link to.)
(Jeez. Don’t be so rude.)
(Honestly.)

Anyway, as I was about to say, THIS is a rubbish column. The warning signs are all there. It’s got scare quotes in the title. It’s unscientific, it’s biased, it’s pants. It uses only carefully selected facts from pieces of research that suit its narrative. It’s so bad that you could quite understand sad-faced LCHF cult members holding it up as an example of some of the stuff that their sinister movement has to put up with, while conveniently ignoring the fact that they themselves use exactly the same M.O..

It does the anti-Banting brigade no favours, save for this wonderful analogy of Noakes’ bizarre disciples:

Here’s how I’d describe Noakes’s trusting fans: told by Noakes that they’re flying, they yell: “Look at me” and “So far, so good” as they plummet past a 10th storey window and plunge towards the ground below.

Because yes, when you haven’t yet hit the ground, all does seem to be going to plan. The weight has fallen, you’re full of energy, and you’ve never felt better (maybe because you haven’t thought of the long term consequences). But then that’s probably because no-one really knows what they are.

Even pseudoscientific websites like the medically-challenged dietdoctor and the falsely authoritative authoritynutrition which claim to have “scientific validation” of the long-term safety of the diet, can’t actually provide us with anything more than studies done over 2 years, when you look more closely. That’s certainly long-term if you’re a hamster, and positively eternal if you’re a mayfly, but for humans, that doesn’t really even enter into “medium-term”.

Look, hey. My body is my body. Yours is yours. You’re more than welcome to fill your body with whatever you want as far as I’m concerned. And I even have the manners not to (outwardly) judge you for it. Unlike most of Tim’s weird flock.