Category: in the news

DXB – LTN

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As the world slips ever closer to global warfare, with South Africa offering to be the mediator between the US/Israel and Iran – basically the equivalent of letting Pep Guardiola referee a Manchester City game – there’s very little to be happy about.

The countries involved in the conflict are trying their hardest to win the battle for hearts and minds with selective reporting, and the fake news sites are furiously peddling their wares. It’s hard to know what to believe. And it’s sometimes harder to accept the things that are (probably) true.

And so, as ever, we turn to humour.

This is (almost certainly) fake news, but it’s very well done:

Indeed. Frying pan and fire stuff.

More tomorrow, when I wake up to find out which new country has joined the fun.

Sirens and Smoke

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That might mean something else if you were in the Middle East right now, but it’s very much the South and the West of the continent that I’m talking about here. At the moment, hidden away in our little corner of Africa – away from all the sirens and the smoke – seems to be a very good place to be.

Until later today, that is. Because we’re going to have both. But, once you’ve read this post, you’ll know that they’re really nothing to worry about and you can reassure your friends, family and colleagues.

First of all, the sirens. Koeberg Nuclear Power Station will be doing their annual full volume siren test between 10am and 12pm today. You’ll (hopefully) hear it if you’re in any one of the following areas:

Atlantis, Duynefontein, Melkbosstrand, Van Riebeeckstrand, Philadelphia, Bloubergstrand, Bloubergrandt, West Beach, Sunningdale, Parklands, Robben Island and the farms surrounding Koeberg Nuclear Power Station.

Full details here.

There will be a public address message before the sirens, informing you that it’s a test, but just in case you miss that bit, I’m telling you that it’s a test, so you don’t need to panic.

And don’t panic if you see some smoke in the South later today. Weather permitting, there will be a controlled burn in the Westlake Nature Reserve at the junction of Ou Kaapse Weg and Steenberg Road.

I’ve seen another map with lots of fire hydrants marked on it, and I’m sure that the guys in charge of this know what they’re doing. So don’t stress when you see the smoke rising over Tokai (Constantia?).
At least, not today.

More information here, but it’s mainly “keep your doors and windows closed” and “don’t put your washing out”. Sensible, if rather mundane, advice.

So there you go. Chill. Nothing to worry about today.

Unless, of course, you hear sirens in Tokai and see smoke over Koeberg Nuclear Power Station.
That wouldn’t be good. Then you can panic.

Lots.

Careful now, Iran

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Incoming from the whirring newsreel on my second monitor this morning, this:

What? Threatening the stability of the Middle East? That absolute paragon of stability throughout my lifetime? The shining example of security, solidity and steadiness for the global population? The role model for how neighbouring nations should get on with each other in perfect harmony?

You, Sonny Iran, have got an attitude. You’d better buck your ideas up – you’d better buck them up sharpish. Or you will be out that door. Capeesh?

How very dare you threaten the stability of the Middle East?

Whatever next?

Someone threatening the unblemished integrity of Donald Trump?

It’s a slippery slope.

A little premature?

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That thing I did on the drama of the Doomsday clock.

Awful. But then, this also suggests that we could keep going at the frankly horrendous rates of killing each other and destroying the environment that we’ve been working so hard upon for the last 12 months for at least another 88 years, and we’ll still be ok. Just.
See, they’ve gone in all too dramatic, and now they have no wiggle room at all.

And the follow up post, a year later.

Once again, I am calling for a reset of the Doomsday Clock. Think of it like decimalisation hitting the UK in 1971, or the introduction of the Euro in 1999 (and 2002). Because at the moment, the Doomsday Clock is pointless. The constant attempts to drag the time down as low as possible for dramatic purposes means that it not longer has any value.

I stand by both of those posts, but I’m also very willing to admit that they might have a bit of a point if they were to chop and extra minute or so off any interim update in the very near future.

The US has launched “major combat operations” in Iran, designed to eliminate “imminent threats” from the country’s regime, Donald Trump announced on Saturday.
The operation is “massive and ongoing”, the US president said in a video on social media, pledging to use “overwhelming strength and devastating force” to destroy Iranian missiles and ensure it cannot develop a nuclear weapon.
Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu said the attacks aimed to “remove the existential threat” posed by the Iranian regime, as he urged the people of Iran to topple the government.
A short time beforehand, Israel said it had launched “preventative” strikes on Iran.

‘No red lines’ in Iran’s response to attacks, says official
A senior Iranian official said there would be “no red lines” to the regime’s response to the Israeli and US strikes on Iran.
“We are telling Israel clearly to prepare for what is coming,” the official told Al Jazeera.
“Our response will be public, and there are no red lines… All American and Israeli assets and interests in the Middle East have become legitimate targets.”

And yes, we’re only a couple of hours in and already Iran, Israel, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and the UAE have been attacked by one side or the other.

Russia has condemned the US/Israeli attack, but wants to keep Trump onside. The UK is trying not to get involved. South Africa hasn’t woken up properly yet after a bit of a bender last night.
China is just sitting there laughing…

…at least, for the time being.

Me? Big concerns over the 15:25 at Kenilworth this afternoon, and also whether United can bounce back away at QPR after a somewhat disappointing result midweek.

Oh – and also the potential end of the world thing as well.

Yeah. Also that.

Oh. But don’t forget about the Epstein Files.

Bye!

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Any football news from Up North today?

Only this:

Not the 20-0 rout that some foolish people were predicting. It was never going to be like that.

But the history books will record that Wednesday were relegated at Bramall Lane, and that’s what really matters. The three points are also very welcome, but Derby days are all about beating your rivals, and to send them on their way to League One…

…well, that was just the icing on the cake.

Incidentally… recent local derbies have been won by Us (obviously), Liverpool, ManU, Arsenal and Sunderland.

Red is clearly the colour of local dominance.