Category: from the blogroll

High (price) Tea

Posted on

It wasn’t so long ago that I commented on the price of stuff overseas. Yes, here’s that post.

Of course, everything is expensive when you look at the tragic state of the South African Rand, but travel – especially train travel in the UK – is stupidly, near prohibitively, expensive.

But according to friendoftheblog Brian Micklethwait, train travel is cheaper (or at least better value) than some other stuff you could do in the UK.

Adults “from” £45. And I bet all they do is point at these various Things, and talk. There’s no way they let you out to actually explore them. That would take too long. So, pass. I reckon I could go by train to Birmingham and back for that.

He’s talking about this bus tour around the Big Smoke. The UK version of High Tea at the Nelly, but on a bus (and more than three times the price). Yeah, it’s a lovely idea, but it is hugely expensive – and it’s good that our resident London resident noted that too, and rather than riding it, derided it – in Capital style:

But forty five quid for a bus ride, some sandwiches, cakes and a cup of tea? Pull, as we say in these parts, the other one. Give, to coin a phrase, over.

Colloquial expression with interjected locution is the new black.

Oscar

Posted on

No. Not that one. Or this one.

These ones.

Yes, yes, hooray for Hollywood and all that, as a lot of (apparently almost exclusively white) very rich people massaged each other’s fragile egos.

Brian Bilston summed it all up perfected with these lines:

bboscar

I didn’t watch (I never watch), but I’m sure that I would have heard if Leo dC had used this poem as he collected his Best (White) Actor statuette.

I think that it’s rather sad that he didn’t.

CV

Posted on

Brian Bilston’s (you may remember him from such posts as Brian Bilston) CV in poem form might just be one of the best things I’ve ever read…

CURRICULUM VITAE

PROFILE
A selfish, self-centred, self-effacing self-starter.
A team-playing, dragon-slaying, modern-day martyr.
A blue sky thinker whose ideas are a vapour trail.
A proven communicator with a kean eye for detial.

EXPERIENCE
Poet – 2012-present
Duties included: being deluded,
finding myself from parties excluded,
writing sonnets on love and despair,
Netflix, and falling asleep in my chair.

Various positions – 1991-2012
Chartered Accountant. Lawyer. Cashier.
Building Site Lackey. High Grand Vizier.
Inhuman Cannonball. Scullery Maid.
Skilled Chicken Sexer. Guitarist In Suede.
Postman. Dustman. Class A Drug Dealer.
Dog Trainer. Tea Strainer. Carrot And Spud Peeler.
Batman. Batsman. Bowler. Head Chef.
Doing odd jobs for my Uncle Geoff.
Goalkeeper. Zookeeper. Dandelion Tamer.
Pilot. Hotelier. DJ. Boogie Blamer.

EDUCATION
University of Life – 1988-1991
My time at university saw diminishing returns.
Studied Scottish poetry. Got third degree Burns.

School of Hard Knocks – 1981-1988
School for me, I must confess,
proved to be
an unqualified success.

INTERESTS
In my spare time, I like to ponder
the fragility of existence
as it hangs,
like an industrious spider’s
silk-sewn threads
blowing in the late afternoon breeze,
with the delicacy of death.

I also enjoy ten pin bowling and the films of Bruce Lee.

REFERENCES
Sadly, my references
have altered their preferences;
their words are harsh and
abhorrent.

Even mother and father
have said they would rather
not comment.

Clever hidden meanings and opportunities for reading between the lines galore. Here is it on his site, which I have now added to the blogroll.

Poetry, ne? I’m suddenly feeling all cultured, innit.

Caring Government

Posted on

There’s been a groundswell of movements of late that suggest that those in charge of our nations – whichever nations they may be in this global society – don’t care about the common man (or woman) (or gender-fluid individual) on the street. They may be right, but that’s not what this post is about. This post is about how things weren’t always this way. There is evidence that, less than 40 years ago, the UK government still cared for its subjects.

If the United Kingdom is stuck by a natural disaster, devastating pandemic, bioterrorist attack or other catastrophe… Pre-Emergency Services have been set up to supply citizens with “essential survival items” including ping pong balls, rubber bands, furniture polish, drinks coasters and crocheted toilet-roll covers that looked like Georgian ladies.

All the important bases covered, I’m sure you will agree. And as the Minister for Internal Affairs assured us:

Should an unexpected catastrophe occur, such as the one which may or may not take place later this year on October 14th, we guarantee that working families and those most in need, such as table tennis players, will be the first to receive the emergency supplies listed in this leaflet.

Indeed, the selfless Prime Minister even offered to forgo his own rubber band and drinks coaster rations saying:

“The knowledge that the people of the United Kingdom are safe is all the comfort I need and I will gladly make do with less vital resources”

These “less vital resources” were later revealed to be water purification tablets, dried food goods and medical supplies.

Fortunately for all concerned, the events of October 14th failed to materialise, and there was no need for the Pre-Emergency Services’ supplies to be handed out.

But one does have to wonder if the UK (or any other) Government of today would be as understanding and generous when considering the needs of its people.

This history, of course, courtesy of Scarfolk.