Brian Bilston’s (you may remember him from such posts as Brian Bilston) CV in poem form might just be one of the best things I’ve ever read…


A selfish, self-centred, self-effacing self-starter.
A team-playing, dragon-slaying, modern-day martyr.
A blue sky thinker whose ideas are a vapour trail.
A proven communicator with a kean eye for detial.

Poet – 2012-present
Duties included: being deluded,
finding myself from parties excluded,
writing sonnets on love and despair,
Netflix, and falling asleep in my chair.

Various positions – 1991-2012
Chartered Accountant. Lawyer. Cashier.
Building Site Lackey. High Grand Vizier.
Inhuman Cannonball. Scullery Maid.
Skilled Chicken Sexer. Guitarist In Suede.
Postman. Dustman. Class A Drug Dealer.
Dog Trainer. Tea Strainer. Carrot And Spud Peeler.
Batman. Batsman. Bowler. Head Chef.
Doing odd jobs for my Uncle Geoff.
Goalkeeper. Zookeeper. Dandelion Tamer.
Pilot. Hotelier. DJ. Boogie Blamer.

University of Life – 1988-1991
My time at university saw diminishing returns.
Studied Scottish poetry. Got third degree Burns.

School of Hard Knocks – 1981-1988
School for me, I must confess,
proved to be
an unqualified success.

In my spare time, I like to ponder
the fragility of existence
as it hangs,
like an industrious spider’s
silk-sewn threads
blowing in the late afternoon breeze,
with the delicacy of death.

I also enjoy ten pin bowling and the films of Bruce Lee.

Sadly, my references
have altered their preferences;
their words are harsh and

Even mother and father
have said they would rather
not comment.

Clever hidden meanings and opportunities for reading between the lines galore. Here is it on his site, which I have now added to the blogroll.

Poetry, ne? I’m suddenly feeling all cultured, innit.