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Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

Posted on December 14, 2015December 14, 2015

There’s a twitter account running from Cape Town called @SM_CapeTown. It seems to exist solely to promote local SMEs and the like. I’m not a fan of that sort of account – it adds little or no value to my social media experience – but, I assume that as far as these organisations are concerned, having their name and/or posts broadcast to the 4,284 followers of @SM_CapeTown makes good business sense.

So, fair enough.

Except, if I were one of those clients, paying for the service, I’d like a bit more attention paid to the manner in which stuff was being shared. Several (or more) times each day, the account appears to auto-RT a random tweet from one of the accounts it follows, along with the message:

Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

Nothing more sincere than being a number picked by a computer and then congratulated… er… by a computer.

Sometimes, this works. The other 99% of the time, the random tweet is out of context and either makes absolutely no sense or is wholly drab and disinteresting, in which case the whole thing just looks daft. I’d love to unfollow the account, but I can’t because firstly, it’s like watching a car crash in slow motion: you just can’t look away, secondly, it can be stupidly entertaining at times, and then thirdly – one day, maybe one of my tweets will be shared.
I can but dream.

In the meantime, here are a few examples of Great tweets, from people whose next works of art we are looking forward to :-)!

We begin with a fantastic trifecta of osteoporosis prevention advice, some copyright issue and a question about lightbulbs. IT GETS NO BETTER THAN THIS! Great tweets, looking forward to your next works of art :-)!

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Then, Hilda doesn’t know if Andre and Hilary are coming along to… her… thing. Will Andre confirm?
Either way, Great tweet Hilda, we’re all looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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Here’s a tweet from Andre Beukes (the owner of @SM_CapeTown), auto-RT’d by his own auto-RT bot. It’s almost like his alter-ego wants us to know all about Andre’s habits with Vaseline. Eww. On the plus side though, it is a Great tweet Andre, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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It pays to be prepared. Guy Fawkes Day in Cape Town may be November 5th, the same as Guy Fawkes Day everywhere else in the world, but you can never get important messages out too early. Even 11 months ahead of time. This is a Great tweet, I’m really looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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A short compliment with half a twitter link. Have we now reached Peak GreatTweet? What a Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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Pizza delivery is a cut-throat business in SA. And any company whose social media policies can help it to rise above the rabble is bound to be successful. In telling us what they sell and for how much, Domino’s has really achieved this. In a difficult field, this is a Great tweet, we’re literally looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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More from Andre’s other account, but this time, it’s an bot auto-RT’ing a tweet originally automatically sent out by another bot. Botception, almost. Great news for Andre though, as both his follower count and his mention reach is up. It’s for these reasons that this can rightly be defined as a Great tweet, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

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Cape Town Freeway Management Service is dedicated to keeping us all on the road, 24/7/365. Their updates are therefore very important if you’re travelling by road in the Cape Town area, but surely you would be hard pressed to describe them as a “Great tweet” or “a work of art”. Well, you would have been until you see this next superb update about the routine maintenance occurring on the N7 south: it’s a gem! Wowzers! What a Great tweet, Cape Town Freeway Management Service, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

The technology to make this system work better surely exists. We can put men on the moon, probes on comets, almost definable iced animals on Zoo Biscuits. We must be able to program a computer to better decide what actually is a great tweet and come up with something more varied and sincere than Andre’s bot is currently managing. No?

I know what you’re thinking though:

Great post, looking forward to your next work of art :-)!

Thanks, guys.

No solar

Posted on December 14, 2015

Much hilarity around the internet this morning as self-appointed God and champignon of free speech (except when it offends him) Stephen Fry shared this little gem about a North Carolina town rejecting solar power after Ms Mann, a retired science teacher nogal, told a public meeting that:

plants near solar farms do not thrive because there wasn’t enough sunshine left over for them to photosynthesise.

Worst Mannsplaining ever.
Her husband (qualifications unknown) added:

solar panels suck up all the energy from the sun.

And, in all honesty, you’d actually be hard pressed to disagree with that.

But these aren’t good reasons to reject solar power. No. Good reasons to reject solar power are its massive inefficiency, the fact that it only works during the day and actually takes power from the grid the rest of the time (many learned folks refer to this as “night”), and its “hidden” environmental costs: the land use and habitat loss on their installation, and the massive water use and the nasty chemicals that go into making the photovoltaic cells.

When Ms Mann also questioned the high number of cancer deaths in the area, saying “no one could tell her that solar panels didn’t cause cancer”, she was only half wrong. Chemicals like arsenic, cadmium telluride, hexafluoroethane, lead, and polyvinyl fluoride aren’t exactly the healthiest things to be using in any manufacturing process. Of course, the half wrong bit is that the solar panels don’t cause cancer where they are installed – that’s all left over in the third world country that’s producing them.

So that’s alright then, isn’t it?

Next week – the conveniently overlooked problems of wind power, including the killing of bats and birds, the 40-storey eyesores being erected all over our beautiful countryside and the fact that it is destroying the local yachting industry by using up all the breeze.

Sunday evening

Posted on December 13, 2015December 13, 2015

Greetings from my bath. But wait; calm yourselves, Ladies & Gentlespoons. There are no pictures.

It’s a fairly new bath, and I’m using it for the first time. I’m sore, stiff, sunburnt, sandy and salty after cycling the Agulhas coast and #watercrisis be damned, I need – and deserve – a soak. It’s a rare treat.

And then, after this, Real Madrid at Villareal, live in my bed.
But don’t get excited – no pictures there, either.

Worst no age restriction ever

Posted on December 12, 2015December 12, 2015

We were looking at getting some tickets for a local version of a popular Broadway show called Vocal Harmonisation in the Precipitation (or something similar). Our younger child is particularly keen to go along.

But… is this show suitable for a seven year old? Quick – to the website, Batman!
Where we found this:

“No under 5s. No age restriction.”

Apart from under 5s, I presume?

It turns out that firstly, going to the theatre is DAMN EXPENSIVE (no wonder it’s dying the death), and secondly, the direct contradiction above is far from the most confusing thing in the terms and conditions, which have forty-seven different pricing options, depending on seat position, age, status, height, beagle ownership and “whether the wind be in the East, my boy”. Oh, and also depending on whether you automatically pronounced that last one in a pirate’s accent.

On a more serious note, the website also describes those in the first few rows of the stalls as being in danger of getting wet, during the show’s “Big Number” (from where it takes its name). I’d like to know just how much water is used in this sequence, please, given that the local outrage athletes and killjoys got Slide The City cancelled for exactly the same spurious reasons.

Ah yes. Remember those halcyon pre-#NeneFired days when arguing over recycled non-potable water was the biggest concern we had?

What we wouldn’t give to go back to them now, hey?

SA Rugby Quiz Book makes ideal Xmas gift

Posted on December 11, 2015December 11, 2015

First off, this isn’t a sponsored post. No money or goods have exchanged hands.
It’s just that when you look at nature, you see that organisms helping each other out generally seem to have a good time.
Lichen is a mix of fungus and algae, and covers 6% of the entire plant. Successful.
Ocellaris clownfish live in perfect harmony with protective Ritteri sea anemones. Pretty.
And in the microbiological world, beneficial mutualism is around every very tiny corner. Small.No. See, I know the author of this book (that’s one reason I know it’s going to be good) and I also know that some (or more) readers out there will be looking for a decent present for their (let’s face it, probably male, and therefore probably really difficult to buy for) family members.

As ever, I’m here to help.

Ex-journalist Pierre has been researching and writing his 1001 question long Springbok Rugby Quiz book for over 10 years. He has a scientific background, is a stickler for detail and has an immense passion for the sport, both as a participant and as an avid fan. It’s the perfect recipe for this sort of thing.
Oh, and he’s also led a pretty adventurous life.

I’m no expert on egg-chasing, even less so on the history of the South African game, but I’ve seen the book and I even managed to get one question correct (the answer was Kobus Wiese) from the approximately twenty I attempted. This 5% record might not seem impressive, but I was looking at the Afrikaans (rather than the English) version of the book, and any right answer when you first have to translate the question from a language you can’t actually speak is not to be sniffed at.

So – here’s what you need to know about the ordering the book:

It’s R250, all in.
That includes it being signed by the author.
And it also includes delivery to any address in South Africa within 4 working days.
Ook, jy kan die boek in Engels of Afrikaans kry.
You can pay by credit card or EFT.

Ordering details here.

Again, I’m not on any affiliate deal or commission here. Just trying to help match you, the rugby quiz book needing customer, with Pierre, the rugby quiz book writing… writer.

Likewise, maybe you want to share this post with someone who needs to buy a Springbok rugby quiz book.
Symbiosis, see? We should all try it.