United & Off The Pitch

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My beloved Blades sent out a press release this week. They’ve teamed up with a company called Off The Pitch. OTP appear to do data analysis around the business of football. I’m not into business data of any sort, but I do know when there’s some corporate BS being used, and this press release was full of it.

But of course it was, because when I went to the ABOUT US section of OTP’s website, I was greeted with this:

Did someone drop the word “media” in there just for shits and giggles? Or am I missing something to do with the English language here? Because however I try to phrase this punctuation-free header, I can’t get seem to get it to make sense.
At the very least, surely if you’re going to use “is”, you have to use “medium“, right?

Basically, it seems to me that we’re buying this package so we can pay less for our players and pay our players less in the future.

But then the press release is packed full of boardroomisms and buzzwords:

Carl Shieber, Sheffield United’s Head of Football Administration, expressed his enthusiasm about the partnership: “Our partnership with Off The Pitch opens a realm of opportunities for Sheffield United. It provides an invaluable platform for benchmarking against other clubs, both domestically and internationally. This alliance is a step towards a more analytical approach in our business, commercial development, and player trading strategies.”

“Alliance”, “Platform”, “Benchmarking” and “Strategies”. Nice try, Carl.

But then OTP CEO Mads blows him away with this spiel:

Mads Meisner Christensen, Co-founder and CEO of Off The Pitch, shared his thoughts on this significant agreement: “We are excited to equip Sheffield United with a diverse range of tools to enhance their operational efficiency. This partnership is set to provide Sheffield United with a strategic edge in the transfer market, helping them to identify and leverage market inefficiencies for optimal results.”

Blimey! “Leverage” alone is worth 10 points! “Optimal” and “Strategic” are just the icing on the cake.

The thing is, how are we supposed to have any sort of edge – strategic or not – in the transfer market, when it seems like most of the clubs in Europe are using this same system? Did we pay more for the gold edition or something?

I don’t pretend to get it. I don’t have to get it.

But if we could just use plain English from now on, I would have more chance of getting it.

Puzzled

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A bit of a gentle day today. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, and simple conservation of energy dictates that the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

I also appear to have swallowed a book of clichés.

And after a bit of a sleepless night, I chose to have something of a day off.
Not great, but lucky to be able to have that luxury.

Anyway, I’m going to turn in another early night, but not before I have linked you to a couple of Puzzgrids I chucked up today. My lack of oomph is other people’s pleasure. Or something.

What’s Puzzgrid? Well, it’s a spin-off of the Only Connect Wall and it definitely pre-dated NYT Connections. But if you like either of those, you’ll definitely like this.

Please enjoy #92135 & #92139. They shouldn’t be too difficult, but I do always say that they’re only easy if you know all the answers. I do know all the answers.

He’s Crashed It! He’s Crashed It!

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There used to be a police based TV series in the UK whose credits finished with the words of that title over the police radio. That was presumably with reference to some scrote stealing and joyriding some high powered vehicle or other – I believe it’s called a TWOC these days – before meeting an untimely end.

Not in my garden though. The crashing in this case was a dragonfly which had gone down like a Messerschmitt after meeting a Spitfire, face first into the patio.

Or maybe it was doing gymnastics?
Or perhaps it was praying? I don’t know.

The front end might have been a bit battered, but s/he was still very much alive and kicking (if not flying), and I gave him/her a helpful lift to the relative safety of a flower bed before the starlings got a cheap meal.

My best guess – so far – is that this is a Red-Veined Dropwing (Trithemis arteriosa), but I stand (not on my head) to be corrected.

It’s going to rain

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At least that’s what the weather forecast says. And that’s why after my run this morning, I bought plenty of topsoil and fertiliser and put it all over the garden.

The only issue with this was that I chose to do it today, based solely on my weather app telling me about the rain. However, the same weather app also told me that it was foggy and cool this lunchtime:

It wasn’t. And while it would inaccurate to suggest that there wasn’t a cloud in the sky…

… it would certainly be (and absolutely was) much inaccurater to say that it was in any way “foggy”.

So that forecast certainly “mist” the mark, didn’t it?

I’m so sorry.

But since we’re having a bit of a pop, I also have to take issue with the assertion that it was 22oC. It was much closer to 32oC. And that was in the shade.

Hence, not only am I already up to 20,000 steps for the day, I’m almost certainly down at least a couple of kilos as well.

It’s probably no bad thing.

Friend of a friend

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The Smile is the “new” project of Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood, so it’s fair to call it “Radiohead Lite”. Their latest release is the very enjoyable and Radiohead-esque Friend of a Friend. It’s made it onto my #2024 Spotify playlist. And it’s on their new album: Wall of Eyes.

It was also played by Nathan Shepherd sitting on for Chris Hawkins on Friday. And he mentioned that the video was worth a look.

So I looked.

I don’t know quite what to make of it, except to say that the little girl in the foreground from 1:32 is the perfect allegory for modern life.

Clearly, the audience isn’t the most receptive to the somewhat experimental sounds of Thom et al. but then what were they expecting?

One day, those kids will be able to say that they were in one of Thom Yorke’s videos. And that might mean something to some of them at some point in their lives.

But I don’t think any of them get it yet.