My beloved Blades sent out a press release this week. They’ve teamed up with a company called Off The Pitch. OTP appear to do data analysis around the business of football. I’m not into business data of any sort, but I do know when there’s some corporate BS being used, and this press release was full of it.
But of course it was, because when I went to the ABOUT US section of OTP’s website, I was greeted with this:
Did someone drop the word “media” in there just for shits and giggles? Or am I missing something to do with the English language here? Because however I try to phrase this punctuation-free header, I can’t get seem to get it to make sense.
At the very least, surely if you’re going to use “is”, you have to use “medium“, right?
Basically, it seems to me that we’re buying this package so we can pay less for our players and pay our players less in the future.
But then the press release is packed full of boardroomisms and buzzwords:
Carl Shieber, Sheffield United’s Head of Football Administration, expressed his enthusiasm about the partnership: “Our partnership with Off The Pitch opens a realm of opportunities for Sheffield United. It provides an invaluable platform for benchmarking against other clubs, both domestically and internationally. This alliance is a step towards a more analytical approach in our business, commercial development, and player trading strategies.”
“Alliance”, “Platform”, “Benchmarking” and “Strategies”. Nice try, Carl.
But then OTP CEO Mads blows him away with this spiel:
Mads Meisner Christensen, Co-founder and CEO of Off The Pitch, shared his thoughts on this significant agreement: “We are excited to equip Sheffield United with a diverse range of tools to enhance their operational efficiency. This partnership is set to provide Sheffield United with a strategic edge in the transfer market, helping them to identify and leverage market inefficiencies for optimal results.”
Blimey! “Leverage” alone is worth 10 points! “Optimal” and “Strategic” are just the icing on the cake.
The thing is, how are we supposed to have any sort of edge – strategic or not – in the transfer market, when it seems like most of the clubs in Europe are using this same system? Did we pay more for the gold edition or something?
I don’t pretend to get it. I don’t have to get it.
But if we could just use plain English from now on, I would have more chance of getting it.