Gareth Bale animation

Football players can by hyped out of all proportion, but Gareth Bale from Spurs is having a dream season and he’ll surely have no better game that the one against Inter Milan in the San Siro last October. Sure, Spurs lost 4-3 (although they did win the tie) but a superfast hattrick by Bale almost turned the first leg on its head.

Artist Richard Swarbrick was so impressed by Bale’s contribution to the game that he animated it and put it to music. The result is pretty beautiful, even for non-Spurs fans.

The music is also by Swarbrick and is available for free download here.

Next year?

As hundreds of cyclists veered and wobbled all over the Main Road and ignored the traffic lights through St James and Kalk Bay this morning, as they do most Sunday mornings, I came up with a brilliant new Sunday morning drinking game.
And what’s not to love about Sunday morning drinking games?

Today was, of course, the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour, the day when Cape Town comes to an absolute standstill, residents are trapped in their homes and businesses struggle to any trade. On the bright side, it does mean that I get extra hits on this post. And I watched it from home, alongside a snot machine and a hyperactive almost-5 year old. There was a tremendous sense of déja vu. Not the snot or the hyperactivity – I’m a parent, for god’s sake. No, the commentary on the race – anchored (I think, although I stand under correction) by Phil Liggett. And that’s when I came up wth my drinking game, based loosely on copied directly from Gareth Cliff’s State of the Nation address drinking game: namely that when certain words or phrases are used, one must take a drink.

I’m going to call it The Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour Commentary Drinking Game.

Now, you might think that I could get us all smashed by using geographical markers. And while you’d be right, you’d also be wrong, because that would be far too boring. No, instead, I’m going to use the über PC commentary. Because, while Cape Town put on a great show for this race (weather included), even if we didn’t, we’d still get a glowing report from the commentators. Honestly, it’s like a they’re having an affair with the place.

Therefore, when any of the following superlatives are used:

Magnificent | Amazing | Fantastic | Wonderful | Superb

with any of the following objects:

Stadium | Views | Support | People | Organisation | Roads | Weather

You must take a drink. If the compliment is prefixed by the word “Absolutely”, then it’s a double drink.  You’re going to be hitting a lot of doubles, believe me. I posted the other day about the dangers of rose-tinted glasses and a lack of realism. Phil Liggett and his chums have got it bad. If one were to listen to them, one would imagine that this was ANC-voter heaven on earth.

And yet there was a touch of drizzle in Wynberg this evening.

Was there really nothing wrong with anything today? Was it all just brilliant from start to finish? Or are the comentators told to ignore anything dodgy and to just compliment absolutely everything? I don’t know, but whether it’s unbelievable fortune or deliberate blindness and spouted falsehoods for that “feelgood” effect, it’s going to make for some sore heads on the 12th March next year.

4 from 42

I don’t often blog about football considering how much of my time it occupies, so you’ll surely forgive me this (or, more likely, you have already stopped reading).

While the world was watching the Barca players and their referee overcoming Arsenal at the Nou Camp Circus, there was huge joy and no small amount of mild relief Chez 6000 as my beloved Sheffield United ended a winless streak of 14 league games, a spell during which they have only taken 4 points from a  possible 42, by beating Nottingham Florist at Beautiful DownTown Bramall Lane last night. This was obviously a great boost to the Blades, but was marred by Bafana Bafana’s Kagisho Dikgacoi scoring the winner for Crystal Palace against Cardiff, thus meaning that we made absolutely no ground on the London club whatsoever.

“Local boy done good” never sounded so hollow.

Rather than now suggesting that we have taken seven points from a possible forty… forty-five, I have decided to abandon the subject numbers required for statistical significance so sought after in my chosen profession and instead claim (accurately, nogal) that recently, we have taken three points from a possible three.

It’s surely onward and upward from here: mainly because we can’t go back in time and we can’t go much further down at the moment and Watford must surely be quaking in their collective yellow boots as the Mighty Red and White Machine rolls into Hertfordshire for Saturday’s High Noon (Brazilian time) showdown.

The culture of entitlement

While watching the Chelsea v Man U game on TV (and twitter) last night, I was thinking a lot last night about football and my feelings on it and I think I finally worked out why I dislike certain clubs more than others: why I dislike Barcelona more than Real Madrid and Man U more than Liverpool or Chelsea or even Arsenal. Previously, I had thought it was the arrogance of these teams, but when one looks again, there is arrogance everywhere amongst the big clubs: Real Madrid has one of the ultimate primadonnas in their ranks with Cristiano Ronaldo, Arsenal has Robin van Persie and yes, I do harbour a strong dislike for him, but I can tolerate the rest of the team.

I was born and dragged brought up in Sheffield. It’s a Yorkshire city with two “big” football clubs and plenty of history. Having been a Blades fan since I can remember and attended many hundreds of matches, I can safely say that there is no place on the red side of Sheffield for the culture of diving and play-acting that has plagued the modern game. We’re known for our hard, physical approach and it’s something that the fans expect from the players. Simulation (the ridiculously posh name for diving) is not tolerated by the faithful fans and that’s something that the managers and players are well aware of, so it doesn’t happen.
Perhaps this attitude towards simulation is why Sheffield’s teams are struggling at the moment. While the big names like those mentioned above have moved on and evolved their tactics to include throwing themselves to the floor at the slightest touch (or even without the slightest touch in some cases), the prehistoric Blades have failed to adapt to the modern era, at the apparent cost of success on the pitch.

But I’m glad to be able to stand up and say that we’re still playing an honest game, the way it was meant to be played, while those at Man U tolerate (even encourage) Nani’s petulance and Chelsea and Arsenal fans conveniently ignore Drogba’s and van Persie’s springboard antics. That said, I do think that Drogba has cleaned up his game considerably and for that, he deserves some praise.

So why, if all the big names at the big clubs are throwing themselves to the floor and ruining what was the beautiful game, why do I find myself singling out Man U and Barca for particular vitriol? It’s a question that had puzzled even me until recently.
But then I watched as minnows Sporting Gijon held Barca to a draw a couple of weeks ago and it started to dawn on me. And then the Wayne Rooney incident on the weekend and Fergie’s (justified) rant last night about the referee sealed it for me.

It isn’t arrogance or success or diving – relying on those traits would encompass many clubs.

It’s the Culture of Entitlement: because these teams have “always” done well, they seem to think that they “always” deserve to do well.

But that’s not how it works. And that’s why when they don’t do well – Barca at Sporting and Man U last night at Chelsea – there always has to be a scapegoat. But having watched both those games, the reason they lost (or drew in Barca’s case) was that the opposition simply played better. Something that seems too hard for Barca and Man U to take.

Man U fans will be shouting furiously about Martin Atkinson and David Luiz right now and sure, Luiz was rather lucky to not get a second yellow card. But then again, Mark Clattenburg was very close to that nasty elbow from Wayne Rooney on Saturday and everyone knows that Rooney should have got a red then – even *gasp* Alex Ferguson.
But then compare and contrast Fergie then:

Wayne is a bit fortunate. It was a clash but nothing serious that hurt the player. Nonetheless, it was a silly thing to do.

and Fergie now:

The Luiz foul was six yards in front of the referee, maybe eight if we give him the benefit of the doubt, no obstructions whatsoever. I don’t know how he stayed on the pitch.

These things go both ways – any footy fan will tell you that – except that the Culture of Entitlement apparently means that they shouldn’t go against Man U.

And Alex Ferguson is at the heart of it. An amazing manager for many, many years, he has now grown too big for his boots – he’s getting old and cantankerous – he thinks he’s above the game and he has instilled that same attitude into his players. Compare and contrast Ancelotti or Mancini – when they get beaten there are none of the histrionics that you see after a Man U defeat. Even Jose Mourinho has introduced some humility to the Real Madrid team. Incredible, but true:

One team played to the maximum of its potential and the other very badly. It’s a well-deserved win and well-deserved loss.

Whereas when Man U lose because they played badly, Fergie sends his assistant out to to the press conference. It’s almost as if the Culture of Entitlement refuses to let him admit that his team can lose simply because they were outplayed.

There’s no conclusion to this post and I don’t expect Man U fans to agree with me, of course (borrowing Fergie’s “Wayne Rooney trial by media” tactic). It was more about documenting my epiphany.
Now I can get on with watching football without the nagging doubt that I need to justify the reasons my hatred of Manchester United and Barcelona.

‘Tis done.

Innocent

How nasty was Mr Gattuso’s headbutt (I know, Dad) on innocent Joe Jordan last night after the feisty AC Milan v Spurs Champions League tie at the San Siro (see YouTube ad nauseum)?
Twitter and the panel in the Supersport studio were of the opinion that he should be shot, hung, drawn and quartered and then shot again for waving his forehead near the auld Scotsman’s nose.

Only one person posed the question:

…what was JJ’s face doing in range in the first place?

But it was very naughty of Gennaro and no-one should defend headbutting in football, should they?

Least of all… er… Joe Jordan.

JOE JORDAN almost sparked a touchline punch-up after Younes Kaboul was sent off yesterday.
Spurs coach Jordan went nose-to-nose with Newcastle goalkeeping coach Andy Woodman as they traded insults.

Jordan screamed ‘Any time you like, any f****** time you like’ after Woodman told the former Manchester United and Scotland hardman where to go following Kaboul’s dismissal for butting Cheik Tiote.

*Gasp!*

Joe Jordan – the innocent old assistant coach – going nose-to-nose with someone on the touchline?

Joe Jordan – the innocent old assistant coach – defending his player after he was sent off for a headbutt?

I, for one, cannot believe it.

It does, however, beg the question again: just what was Mr Jordan’s face doing an inch from Gennaro Gattuso’s in the first place last night?

Two to tango.