As hundreds of cyclists veered and wobbled all over the Main Road and ignored the traffic lights through St James and Kalk Bay this morning, as they do most Sunday mornings, I came up with a brilliant new Sunday morning drinking game.
And what’s not to love about Sunday morning drinking games?
Today was, of course, the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour, the day when Cape Town comes to an absolute standstill, residents are trapped in their homes and businesses struggle to any trade. On the bright side, it does mean that I get extra hits on this post. And I watched it from home, alongside a snot machine and a hyperactive almost-5 year old. There was a tremendous sense of déja vu. Not the snot or the hyperactivity – I’m a parent, for god’s sake. No, the commentary on the race – anchored (I think, although I stand under correction) by Phil Liggett. And that’s when I came up wth my drinking game,
based loosely on copied directly from Gareth Cliff’s State of the Nation address drinking game: namely that when certain words or phrases are used, one must take a drink.
I’m going to call it The Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour Commentary Drinking Game.
Now, you might think that I could get us all smashed by using geographical markers. And while you’d be right, you’d also be wrong, because that would be far too boring. No, instead, I’m going to use the über PC commentary. Because, while Cape Town put on a great show for this race (weather included), even if we didn’t, we’d still get a glowing report from the commentators. Honestly, it’s like a they’re having an affair with the place.
Therefore, when any of the following superlatives are used:
Magnificent | Amazing | Fantastic | Wonderful | Superb
with any of the following objects:
Stadium | Views | Support | People | Organisation | Roads | Weather
You must take a drink. If the compliment is prefixed by the word “Absolutely”, then it’s a double drink. You’re going to be hitting a lot of doubles, believe me. I posted the other day about the dangers of rose-tinted glasses and a lack of realism. Phil Liggett and his chums have got it bad. If one were to listen to them, one would imagine that this was ANC-voter heaven on earth.
And yet there was a touch of drizzle in Wynberg this evening.
Was there really nothing wrong with anything today? Was it all just brilliant from start to finish? Or are the comentators told to ignore anything dodgy and to just compliment absolutely everything? I don’t know, but whether it’s unbelievable fortune or deliberate blindness and spouted falsehoods for that “feelgood” effect, it’s going to make for some sore heads on the 12th March next year.