Tag: weight loss

Day 717 – But weight, there’s less!

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When I got Covid, I lost a lot of weight very quickly. Like 10 or 12kg in a 7 days. And that was because I was literally too weak to eat anything. I was surviving on Lucozade alone (well, and Myprodol, but that probably had limited effects in the weight department).

Once I was through the acute phase, that weight went back on fairly quickly (probably because it came off pretty quickly as well), which is good, because that initial weight was quite a good weight for me to be. However, over the next 6 months, being fully able to eat and drink (more than just Lucozade), but not being able to do any exercise (see 6000 miles… passim.), I gained a lot more weight.
And that was bad, because that was a bad weight for me to be.

So now I have started with some gentle exercise again, I’m happy to report that I’ve finally been losing a bit of mass. And I don’t need to go into details here, but last week, I managed to pass a significant milestone weight on my weight loss journey. And that means that I have lost 7.2kg since the beginning of the year. Again, this weight is coming off fairly easily because it went on easily and it isn’t meant to be there. A bit of gentle temptation and sensible behaviour, and it goes to wherever spare weight is mean to go.

Given the way I have lost weight thus far, I’d imagine that I’ll pop back above the milestone weight – giving the digital display on the scales and extra 50% work to do again – before I stay under it. But that’s fine by me, as long as the general trend remains downwards.

Now come the hard yards, though. I’m not quite back down to my pre-Covid weight (yes, I have put on that much), and I’d like to shed a couple more kilos on top of (underneath?) that as well, so the next bit might go a little more slowly. But I’m confident that it will go.

Would I recommend Covid as a weight loss plan? Well, yes and no. It’s clearly extremely effective, but it does come with some utterly horrific side effects. So overall, probably not.

Would I recommend eating less and exercising more [thanks, TA] as a better method? Certainly.
But all within reason: unless there is some urgent medical issue that requires immediate and drastic weight loss, be gentle on your body and if it needs a beer or to every now and again, give it a beer or two every now and again.

There’s definitely more to life than a target weight.

Back to it

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I hurt my back at the end of November and – because I’m old now – it’s taken a long time to get right. As a measure of just how long, I don’t think it’s quite there yet. But nearly.

Still, with that as a reason, and my Dad’s visit as a handy excuse, I’ve managed to avoid most forms of strenuous exercise for almost 8 weeks now. Add to that all the calamari, beer and burgers I’ve been enjoying during his stay, and well… there’s some work to do.

I have a couple of inches to lose and a couple of kilos that they can take with them.

This morning (with my Dad still only over Algeria), I went for a slow, hot run. The speed was simply because I couldn’t go any faster, the heat was because it was a hot day.

It didn’t break any records, save for perhaps being the most overdue run in recent history. The back seems to have held up and there have been no immediate after-effects save for quite a lot of tiredness.

Watch this space for more updates as the weight comes off and the fitness increases. Or not, if I decide not to exercise or not to blog about it.

Fat

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You’re looking a bit chunky right now.

There. I said it. Someone had to. Fact is, we’ve all been pussy-footing around you for a few weeks now, wondering how best to let you know that you put on a few extra kilos over the festive season. And that they’re still with you. There. And there. And… eww… there.

I know, when you get to our sort of age – and by “our sort of age”, I mean *ahem* mid-30s – it gets tough to keep the weight off. You can’t go out and have a few beers and a curry without there being ongoing consequences. You know what they say: “a moment on the lips, bloody ages sweating it out on the footy field or you’re going to be a complete lard-arse forever”.
And yes, you young folk (I’m looking at your type, Mr Nash) are sitting there going:

Yes, that’s what will happen to other people, but it won’t happen to me.

Bad news, Dan, cos three guesses what we were thinking when we were your age?
Yes, exactly.

But it’s ok. You can stop crying into your copious &Union beers. It doesn’t have to be that way.
This week, I discovered a brand new weight loss plan and I want to share it with you.

See, when you try to lose weight in your 20s – assuming you do the right sort of stuff – you lose weight. And the same goes for when you try to lose weight in your 30s as well-it just takes more time and effort. But then you hit the anti-plateau. It’s like a plateau, but the other way around. It’s like the inverse of a glass ceiling. You head down nicely over a few weeks towards your ideal weight and all seems to be going well and then you hit it and it doesn’t matter how little you eat, how much exercise you do, you can’t break through.

You are on the anti-plateau. It’s a sad and lonely place. And you’re going nowhere fast.
Sorry for you.

Until now. Because today I can reveal a plan to you that made me break through my anti-plateau – 3.5kgs through it – in just a couple of days. Yes: this is the viral gastroenteritis diet plan. Eat nothing, lie in bed and do no exercise and the weight just falls out er… off.

Using microorganisms to assist with weight loss is nothing new. In the early 1900s, tapeworm pills were all the rage among the rich and famous. If you want to try this (and having seen patients with tapeworms, I wouldn’t) just make sure you know your Taenia saginata from your Taenia solium, because the latter will eat your brain (literally).

Enteric viruses won’t do that to you, although they will colonise your colon and wreck your rectum. Aside from the obvious diarrhoea and vomiting, you will also experience the four secondary symptoms of gastroenteritis, namely sweating, shaking, swearing and farting. And because nothing can go in, pretty soon, everything has come out and your vomiting turns into empty retching, each bout of which is the equivalent of 100 sit-ups.
Rock solid abs in a mere 36 hours. This really is a diet plan full of win.

Even now, several days on from the worst of it, I’m only managing the most meagre of portions. A couple of pieces of toast at breakfast time, a yoghurt for lunch and then nothing much in the evening. Thanks to this, my anti-plateau is somewhere way back in the distance and I’m heading down through lush pastures towards GoalWeightVille.

And all just for the bargain price of a couple of days of abject agony and misery.

Do it. If nothing else, at least it’ll stop us all talking about your MASSIVE saddle bags, fatty.