Leaving Newlands

As in… “I wish WPRU were…” But that’s not what this is about – later in the week for that one.

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This was taken yesterday evening as we were heading down the back of the Danie Craven stand at Newlands after the Stormers v Hurricanes game.
If we’d left earlier (or later), the moon and Venus would not have been so beautifully framed by the stand, the Sports Science Institute and Table Mountain.
But we didn’t, so they were.

The Curse of 6000

On Friday last, over chocolate chip muffins and a decent cup of coffee at work, we reviewed the newspapers and jokingly made predictions for the rugby and various other sporting events over the weekend.

One of those “various other sporting events” was the Vodacom Durban July, which (for those not in the know) is a horse race, sponsored by Vodacom and run in Durban during July.
Now, I’m no expert on horseracing. Greyhound racing, on the other hand, I used to be quite good at. (Not literally the racing, you understand, but the prediction of winners therein). On our fairly regular visits down to the Oxford Dog Track in Blackbird Leys, I invariably came out with more money that I went in with. While others were basing their predictions on how good looking the girl leading the dog was or whether the canine defaecated on the parade lap (“It’ll be lighter now, see?”), I would study the form carefully, taking into account the weight, the trap, the opposition and the conditions.

It didn’t work every time, but it did work a lot of the time.

When it comes to horseracing though, I’m not so hot. And so, when picking a likely horse for the big race over the weekend, I went not on form, weight or whatever else: I went on the name. And I went for Big City Life, because in the words of the Mattafix song, I hoped that his attitude would allow him to “try for get by”, despite fact that in all likelihood, the “pressure nah ease up no matter how hard he try”.

In the immortal words of Captain Alberto Bertorelli:

What-a mistake-a to make-a!

Because Big City Life didn’t just not win. He died.
I’ve never managed that with a greyhound before, although I did accurately predict that the Stormers were going to be put out of their misery.

With this new found talent, I feel that I should let people know that – for the right price – I am available to predict victories for anything or anyone you want made into to dog food and glue.

When is the next Parlotones race, I wonder?
Or am I flogging a dead horse here?

UPDATE: Bah. Typically, the SPCA come out with a ill-thought through statement that “all horseracing should be banned“.
(Note – not even the RSPCA in the “Nanny State” UK thinks that’s a good idea.)
Well, sure SPCA – just as soon as you also come up with a plan to employ the 100,000+ individuals who are employed thanks to horseracing in South Africa. Oh, and when you stump up the R1,750,000,000 that it contributes to the economy each year.

Capetonian woman continually surprised by events

News just in:

Capetonian Margaret Wilson (61) of Diep River, has admitted to being “almost permanently bewildered” by what she describes as “a continuous stream of surprising events” which she claims are plaguing her life.

Yesterday, my son-in-law asked if I had registered the card in my cellphone. I asked him why I needed to do this and he told me that I would be cut off if I didn’t. Who makes these silly rules up at the drop of a hat?
If they are going to do these things then they should at least tell you by sending you text messages, taking out full page advertisements in the newspapers or mentioning it on Carte Blanche or Cape Talk. If it wasn’t for Graham, I would never have known.

Mrs Wilson, who lives alone, was further incensed by the news that electricity prices would rise in Cape Town on July 1st:

I thought Graham was making this up when he told me. They did this last July too, although I’ll be surprised if this trend continues and they do it again next year. It’s going to cost me much more: since that silly loadshedding ended, I’ve been using as much electricity as I can to make up for the bits I missed. It’s difficult sleeping at night with all the lights on, but at least it keeps the burglars away.
But I don’t know where I am going to find the money. If I had known about this, I would have saved up. It’s like the petrol – you never know where you stand with that. They seem to change the price every few weeks. They should publicise these things. It’s very confusing.

When asked if she ever watched the news, Mrs Wilson said yes, although she only watches the SABC news in Afrikaans – which she doesn’t speak – “just to check Riaan Cruywagen is still alive”. She also mentioned that she only bought newspapers in order to line the bottom of her cats’ litter tray:

Pickles and Fifi just don’t seem to want to go out at the moment and I can’t say that I blame them. It’s been so cold and wet for the last few weeks. I really don’t like these cold snaps – we had them last year as well as I remember – while that football tournament was on. It just seems to get cold for a few months before it gets warmer again. Those weather people on the telly are no good either – they just say it’s going to be cold – they never tell you why. Still, I prefer this weather to when it’s too hot. I can’t stand the heat, you know?

Mrs Wilson is looking forward to watching the Super 15 semi-final from Newlands on Saturday.

Graham is going along. We love the rugby. It will be great to hear the whole crowd getting behind the local team.
I’ll be very surprised if they don’t.

(I’m submitting this post to the Southern Suburbs Tatler.)

That match at Newlands

It was the biggie. The North/South derby match. The one that everyone had been talking about even more since they realised that this season, it might actually make some meaningful difference to the final standings of the Super 14 table.

We parked the kids with a handy Mother-in-Law, I dosed myself up with MedLemon and Corenza Para-C, chose to ignore the ongoing viral guests which have been (literally) plaguing me all week and headed down to the aging Newlands Stadium along with 49,000 others, in order to witness the fiercest rivalry in South African rugby.

And the Stormers of Cape Town were on a hiding to nothing. Ever since the Bulls (of Pretoria) announced that they would be resting “several” of their first team players for the match, the home side were in a metaphorical no win situation.
Lose and you’re the laughing stock of the country. Win and no-one is impressed, because you’re only playing the Bulls’ B team – albeit with several Springboks in the side.
At this point, for less-informed readers, I should perhaps explain that I don’t mean actual springbok springboks – as in the little antelope things – look, they’re bloody fast, but their lack of ball-carrying abilities renders them near useless in the more technical aspects of the modern game of rugby. Like, for instance, ball-carrying.
Seriously, if someone were to genetically engineer a robust and dependable ball-carrying arm onto an actual springbok springbok, I swear every rugby team in the world would be trying to sign it up.

But I digress.

What I mean is that several of the so-called Bulls’ B team have played rugby for South Africa at international level. So they weren’t actually that ‘B’ at all. Add to that the fact the many of the Bulls side didn’t have a match last week to recover from and – more cynically – that they didn’t have to be concerned about any suspensions for the upcoming semi-finals either, since presumably the A-team would be back for that game.
At this point, for less-informed readers, I should perhaps explain that I don’t mean the actual A-Team – as in Hannibal, Face, Murdoch and BA Baracus… oh… never mind.

But from the very first kick, it was clear that this was going to be one way traffic. The Stormers went ahead early through ex-Bulls winger Bryan Habana and never really looked back. Let’s not forget, that for all the Bulls’ excellent performances this season, it’s the Stormers who have the best defence record in the league (by some clear margin) and that defence never looked to be in serious danger tonight. Habana got his second try after 23 minutes before crowd favourite Andries Bekker added a third on 27 – effectively ending the game as a contest – at least as far as the scoreline was concerned.

Down 28-3 at half time, the Bulls did seem to come out for the second period with the sole intention of injuring as many Stormers players as possible. And by whatever means. There were a couple of shoulder charges, some nasty little exchanges after the ball had gone and one shocking incident involving a horrifying chainsaw attack on the Stormers’ scrum-half.
(I may have made that last one up.)

Job done, the second half was less entertaining than the first. Stormers’ centre Jacques Fourie dotted down to take the score to 38-3 and then the Stormers started resting their first team as well, a home semi-final (their first since 1999) against the NSW Waratahs already in the bag. With many key players taken off, the Bulls snatched a consolation try in the 78th minute.

It was a disappointing way to finish, but the job was done. And while – as I mentioned before – Pretoria fans will be anxious to remind everyone that this was hardly their starting XV, the history books will just list the final score: 38-10.

Bragging rights are therefore, for the moment at least, quietly settling down into a worn leather armchair with an expensive glass of brandy at a trendy yet understated cigar bar in central Cape Town.

Next week, South Africa hosts the two semi-finals: Bulls v Crusaders and Stormers v Waratahs. If results go with the home sides, it will be another Bulls v Stormers match-up in an all South African Super 14 final on 29th May – but this time, with the Bulls’ A-team – who will presumably have been locked in a garage with only a bakkie, a couple of tonnes of scrap metal and some welding equipment in the intervening period – in full attendance.

Watch this space.

Cross-posted at the SA Portfolio Collection Travel Blog

On fielding weakened teams

The MASSIVE match this coming weekend is the MASSIVE clash between MASSIVE rivals, the Stormers of Cape Town and the Bulls of Pretoria in the Super 14 rugby tournament. And there’s a MASSIVE amount at stake, with the Stormers looking for a lucrative (and potentially winnable) home semi-final, which they will get if they win this game.

The Bulls have a had a great season and are already guaranteed to finish top: they will have home advantage for both the semi-final and the final (assuming they win that semi). And – safe in the knowledge that those conditions are already fulfilled – they are going to field a weakened team against the Stormers at Newlands on Saturday. And that has led to protests from teams in Australia and New Zealand, as Kevin McCallum explains:

At 4.52am on Tuesday morning, the whining began nine time zones away. An email arrived in inboxes from the Sydney Morning Herald with the headline: “Blow to Waratahs as Bulls set to rest stars in South African stitch-up.”
The stitch-up? Well, having already secured for themselves the number one spot in the league, the Bulls are considering giving Victor Matfield, Fourie du Preez, Gurthro Steenkamp et al a rest ahead of the semifinal. Not an entirely unreasonable move, you might say. Not across the water, however.

“It reeks of a South African stitch-up in the Super 14,” reads the report.
“With one round to go, the integrity of rugby’s premier provincial competition could be compromised with tournament leaders, the Bulls, set to field a second-string team against the Stormers in the top-of-the-table clash in Cape Town.
The Waratahs, currently third on the ladder with 38 points and one point behind the Stormers, will get to play a semifinal at the Sydney Football Stadium if they beat the Hurricanes on Friday night and the Stormers lose to the Bulls. Such a game could boost the Waratahs’ coffers by several hundred thousand dollars.
The odds of the Stormers hosting a semifinal in Cape Town will be shortened if the Bulls field a weakened team. Such a result would be unfair to teams such as the Waratahs and the Crusaders from Christchurch who are both seeking a home semifinal and have both lost to full-strength Bulls teams this season.”

The thing is – while their suggestion that the Bulls would ever do the Stormers any sort of favour in this regard is laughable – and much as I hate to agree with whining Aussies – they’re actually correct. It’s completely unfair and it shouldn’t be allowed.

But my feelings on this issue go far deeper than just this silly egg-chasing event on Saturday. As a Sheffield United fan, I’m fed up with the big sides playing weakened teams for matches against relegation-threatened smaller teams. Who can forget the team that Liverpool put out against Fulham in May 2007? Well, everyone actually, because no-one had ever heard of any of the players. Two of them were still in nappies.
Of course, Liverpool (Reserves) promptly lost that game, Fulham got the 3 points and stayed up at our expense.

Red scum Manchester United are famed for resting players ahead of “big” games: against West Ham in 2007, against Hull last season.
And this season, Fulham were found not guilty of fielding a weakened side, despite resting 5 of their key players for a game against the Tigers.

Look, my rationale on this is fairly simple, so even Bulls supporters should be able to follow it without too much difficulty:

If you’re playing in a knockout competition, like the FA Cup (or like a Super 14 semi-final), then as far as I’m concerned, you can field who the hell you like. Field your 6 year old granddaughter at scrum-half if you want. Because, when that decision backfires (and it usually will, because she’s rubbish) and she fumbles a greasy ball at the back of a 79th minute ruck on your 22 and the opposition runs in the winning try, the only team affected by your silly idea is yours. Hard luck, sunshine.
However, if you are in a league competition, where that 79th minute winning try might affect other teams aside from the one you’re playing against, then fielding a 6 year old should not be allowed. And yes, even though the Bulls have “earned” themselves the right to rest their big names, they really shouldn’t be allowed to.

This is based on fairness and on logic. I have carefully stayed away from the emotional “the fans pay good money and don’t get to see the big names” argument, though it should probably be considered by SANZAR when (if?) the weakened teams issue is discussed.

I’m not suggesting that they should alter the rules before this Saturday – that wouldn’t be fair on the Bulls. Ag, Shame.
But there should be a new ruling and some clarity over what constitutes good sportsmanship over this issue, which will surely arise again in future seasons. In the meantime, as far as I’m concerned, the Aussies and the Kiwis have every right to cry foul.