Real culprit named

Not much time to blog today, but I did catch this and thought I should share.

It turns out that – perhaps unsurprisingly, given their apparent monumental incompetence – the SAPS picked up the wrong guy when they arrested Oscar Pistorius. It wasn’t his fault.

Much like wrong-doing South African sportsmen before him, “it was the Devil what made him do it”, according to a local pastor, anyway.

“Oscar did not kill her [Steenkamp], Satan made him do it. I pray to God to help him,” reverend Isaac Malaza said.

This is the latest in a very long line of naughty things which Satan has made people do, and quite frankly, I think he should be brought in to face some questioning now. It does all appear to be circumstantial evidence pointing in his direction, but there’s no smoke without the Eternal Fires of Hades.

However, not only does Isaac come to the party with this radical new accusation, he also comes with reassurance:

“I came today to pray for Oscar. He shouldn’t do something like this again that breaks the hearts of his family.”

Which is, and I think I speak for all of us here in saying this, probably a really good idea.

But wait, there’s more – Isaac has this astounding insight for us as well:

He said Steenkamp’s parents and family were also left heartbroken.

Who knew? Maybe there’s something in this whole religion thing after all. I would have never guessed that this was the case were it not for the keen mind of Isaac Malaza and the ace reporting skills of the South African Press Association.

Thanks for the heads up, guys.

PistoriusBalls 8

A serious point for a moment. Regular readers will have noticed that there was no PistoriusBalls yesterday. That’s simply because there was a dearth of suitable material. It does seem that when the “professional witnesses” are in court, the journos present have facts to report, rather than opinion. And that gives them very little opportunity to add their personal touch to things. Which is good, because I don’t really want their personal touch, but it’s a double-edged sword when you’re trying to collate a PistoriousBalls post.

Anyway, we’ve salvaged some stuff for you.

 

 


Now he’s blurred (more of that later).

 

Bdum-tish!

Meanwhile, Andrew Harding (he of “We’ve just had an adjounment, now I need a coffee” fame, falls into the old “We’ve just had an adjournment, now I need some biscuits” trap:

 


Welcome to Gauteng.

 


Every bit as professional as the Boschkop SAPS.

PistoriusBalls 7

We begin with some light-hearted discussion about a drama, before the actual drama.

 

Meanwhile, immediately after a 30 minute adjournment, this gem:

Ejector seat?

That’s just what Glock decided to call it, I expect.

“…and the blood of a virgin – just to keep me going til we adjourn at 3.”


Jeez. I hope you’re being paid for this…

PistoriusBalls 6

Yes, it’s Monday – the day of the Great Twitter Blackout – but you might still have a bit of a hangover from Friday:


 
But even if you were awake, you will have forgotten some of the other stuff
(hopefully not if you’re Judge Mapisa though):

 
Saayman says:

Winner: I Love My Job Awards, 2014:

But then, why are we bothering with the whole trial thing anyway? We all know the outcome.

And even the journos are confused by those draconian reporting regulations.


I’m sure you can still tell us what colour tissues he’s using…

PistoriusBalls 5

Friday! Maybe they’ll be knocking off a bit earlier today. Hardly worth turning up in that case.
But thankfully, everyone has turned up anyway. Let’s get the latest from our intrepid team.

Maybe he’s reading your stuff, Lucy. Is he an Android man? No. No, he’s not.

 

Eww.
Meanwhile, “murder accused appears unhappy” shocker:

Perhaps he should have had some tissues to hand. White ones.

 


Is this what we’re paying State attorneys to do? To sparkle?

Meanwhile, whimsical tweets are sometimes not enough. Rebecca Davis has taken things one thing further with a whimsical out-of-office message too:

rd

But back to the courtroom journo love-in:

Beautiful.