PistoriusBalls 19

It’s Friday, and in an attempt to get through to the tea break before anyone else, Andrew Harding is in the courtroom early today and he’s brought his musical analogy collection with him:

  Andrew has his eye on Barry Roux:

He’s “writing furiously by the looks of it”? Why “by the looks of it”? What else do you think he might be doing?
How can the action of “writing furiously” at a desk in a courtroom be mistaken for anything else?
What other task might he be carrying out that may lead you have even a semblance of doubt that he was not writing, furiously?
I put it to you that if he is sitting at a desk, in a courtroom, with a pen in his hand, moving it furiously over some paper, then it’s highly unlikely that he’s sowing radishes or piloting an Airbus A380.
He’s writing, isn’t he? Furiously.

By the looks of it, anyway.


What an odd emotion for him to be showing, given the circumstances.
But at least he’s not tired today:


But exhaustion is obviously affecting some people. Look at this tired attempt at humour:

“I’m here all week. Try the veal.”


But then there were no more week and they were gone. And, quite possibly, so is this series.

Pending an appeal, anyway.

PistoriusBalls 18

Summing up, and thus we’re getting towards pretty much the last chance for the journos in the court to come up with The Quote or The Soundbite which will be The Title of The Book about The Trial.

On Nel’s Effects:

The BBC have gone with “Mosaic”:

Sky, with “Snowball”:

And SA’s ECR with “Domino”:


Meanwhile, back in 1994:


The competition as to who will be the first to tweet the tea break announcement is as tight as ev… oh, no, it’s reigning champion Andrew Harding as usual:


And this simply can’t be true.
I’m pretty sure the judge would not allow him to do either of these things in court:

“Mr Nel, would you please keep your voice down and remove yourself from that state witness.
At once!”

PistoriusBalls 17


I’m no expert in the forced removal of judicial buildings, but I think that this is somewhat unlikely. And with the court still firmly in place, there’s even time during a murder trial for a whimsical reference to that cookbook:

But there’s good news from Andrew Harding:

Meanwhile, Wayne Derman says you need a dollop of butter in that. Probably.      

So many meanings we could read into this. But I think it’s just that Lucy wants to get home before 3Talk with Noeleen begins.

Of course she does, because we should never – NEVER – underestimate the travails of the courtroom journalist:

Also there are communal showers. And each evening you have to sleep with 65 TB-riddled criminals. Or something…

The prison reference? Yes, it is.


So you can choose your own teatime tomorrow… Enjoy!

REMEMBER: You can see the full PistoriusBalls series by clicking here.

PistoriusBalls 16

Ah yes. We return, following a month or more of psychological assessment for the defendant. And the first and most important order of business is, of course, that psychological report… Right after we’ve dealt with the Pistorious family’s scent choices, that is:

It’s like some sort of twisted reunion:

And we’ve missed your insane ramblings too, Charl. Almost as much as we’ve missed Barry “Oscar gives me followers” Bateman and his incisive and detailed commentary:

Not everyone in the class can concentrate that hard and that long though.
There’s always that one class clown, isn’t there, ruining things for everyone else?

It’s your own time you’re wasting, Phillip. *teacher sighs*
Why can’t you be more attentive, like David?

Was this ring binder the blue file? Why didn’t Bateman tell us about the highlighting? What colour was the pen? What model is the iPhone?

Find out all this and more, tomorrow, in the next thrilling installment of PistoriusBalls!

PistoriusBalls 13

Again, it’s time for a serious note, a further observation.
Since Oscar Pistorius has come onto the stand – or perhaps rather since Gerrie Nel has begun his annihilation cross-examination – the spurious tweets have (mostly) dropped off. I think that the assorted journos feel that this is the moment that they’ve been waiting for: the bit that everyone wants to see. The immediate analysis has almost completely disappeared – suddenly it’s just facts being reported.

Mainly, anyway.

Which is most of the time.


These Kendrick Lamar lyrics could be the mantra of the trial journalists.


Yes, but remember to take turns on the swings in the playground.


“How long have we been here now?”
“No idea. I’ve completely lost track of time. 20 days? 21?”
“Meh – you put 20 and I’ll go for 21. No-one will notice.”



Ass prosecutor? Blimey. What a specialised position. Just imagine if OP’s ass is aquitted but the rest of him ends up in prison. How would that even work? 


Also, they need to stop the Bulls playing rugby, Sundowns’ push for the league title, anything to do with the Union Buildings and prevent any of the 1.4million residents doing anything that might get in your way.