Test cricket is still mainly boring

With dropping attendances, bore draws and the huge push towards shorter versions of the game, it was nice to finally see an exciting finish to a 5-day test match yesterday. The second time in three matches in this series, actually. (In the other game, England obviously wiped the floor with sorry SA).
But while the last over histrionics, South Africa’s constant and often desperate appealing and Graeme “The Cramp Man” Smith’s wonderful innings and penchant for referring everything were all briefly gripping to watch, it was really only the last couple of hours of the game which were actually “exciting”.

All of which leads me to believe that in actual fact, Test cricket is still mainly boring. And that isn’t really a problem if you’re happy to be bored; if you have days to spare at the ground or on the couch, beer and snacks to hand. But for the majority of us, that’s not the case.

The problem as I see it is that in order to get the exciting finish, you have to sit at least through four days of potential dross. And yes, I know there were “gripping” bits here and there, like the Steyn vs Collingwood thing and Fatty’s lovely innings, but mainly it was quite dull going through to motions stuff. For 4½ days. And that’s why T20 – which condenses the best bits from Test cricket into a couple of hours and is therefore exciting – has become so popular.

So what I propose is this: T6000 cricket. In this new and revolutionary form of the game, one takes scenarios from all the Test matches in history which have ended in an exciting manner. (There must be at least three or four of them.)
These scenarios would then be played out to a finish in front of a capacity crowd. Games would consist of one innings of variable length, as the different scenarios would kick in at different times. For example, I would propose that for yesterday, we start at tea on the final day – after all, it was mostly pretty dull before that.
So England (or South Africa, depending on who wins the toss) would start 5 wickets down, needing to survive 35 overs. 
In this case, the batting side could only ever get a draw, but them’s the breaks. And before you moan that you’ll never see the top batsmen playing, you’re wrong: the warm-up would consist of the top order being put through their paces before going and having a drink in the players lounge as their tail-enders actually play the game.
As an added benefit, since each 15-session match will now be played in one single session (a reduction of 93.33%), there will be less danger of player burn-out – a major cause of the top players not being able to play in the first place.

Sure, the purists will hate this, but they’re the ones with the time, the couch, the beer and the snacks.
For the vast majority, T6000 is the future.

Conflicting reports

While the cricket is on at Newlands, News24 have been trying to keep up with the (apparent) final throes* of South African (previously) fast bowler and all-round sporting ambassador, Makhaya Ntini’s test career. With limited success.

One of the great things about internet news sites is that they are updated with every single new piece of information that comes along. Thus, you get lovely anomalies like this one in the Sports headlines:

As News24 report– it’s all over for Ntini because he’s signed a contract with Middlesex. And then Ntini denies that’s the case. And both are reported.
It used to be the case that the Daily Mail newspapers could hide those embarrassingly incorrect stories by simply just publishing the best information they had to hand at deadline. But in today’s fast-paced world of internet news, it remains there; rudely demonstrating how inaccurate the journalists were.

As for the cricket, it’s been a hugely exciting day at Newlands. But I’m not there – saving leave for real sport in June and that little trip in December.

* No dodgy bowling action pun intended.

Quota Moon Photo

Just a quick word from me as I am heading off down to Newlands shortly for the Tri-Nations game between South Africa and Australia. It’s a stunning day in Cape Town and it should be an exciting game between two evenly matched teams. But unless I head off shortly, I’m not going to see it.

So herewith a quota photo of the moon taken this morning for your enjoyment. It was going down as the sun was coming up, which made for some nice shots. I took a few which I’ll pop up on Flickr shortly, [EDIT: Here they are] but this one is one of my favourites.

 

Watch out for tweets from the rugby later on.

Hie’ kommie Bokke! Hie’ kommie Bokke!

At Newlands last night

40,000 turned up last night at a bitterly cold Newlands to watch the Emerging Boks side taken on what was, in truth, a second string British and Irish Lions team. It was cold, stormy, windy, wet, very wet and very cold, but at least there was red wine and brandy on tap.


The Lions’ new defensive formation left gaps out wide

Of course, that was just for those of us in the posh seats. The guys down in the stands didn’t have such luxuries. Although one of them had a vuvuzela. Naughty! And then, with the Lions 10-0 ahead, Earl Rose set up the ball for a kick at goal (or whatever they call it in egg-chasing) and the heavens properly opened.


So much of rain at Newlands

Rose was unperturbed (although I’m sure I heard him murmur “Bugger!!” under his breath), got Luzuko Vulindlu to lie face down in the mud and hold the ball and went about missing the kick anyway.

Half time and I headed off to expunge the brace of first half Peronis. Now, I know that there is a certain urinal etiquette and that one looks ahead or down, never left or right, but it is kind of difficult to obey the unwritten rules of public weeing when you find a six foot Danger Mouse on your right and a slightly shorter Mr Incredible on your left. Seriously. And then I passed a Ninja Turtle on the way out of the loos. Either the British contingent were there in full fancy dress or those beers had been tampered with.

To cut a cold story short, the game finished 13-13 and we headed home, cold, but satisfied. My car said it was 6°C, but I’m sure it was lying. Either that or the minus sign (never tested) doesn’t work.

Bed never seemed so inviting.

Overheard at the rugby

Cape Town’s Stormers take on the Crusaders from New Zealand.

We will win this game.

We’re the South African team – we invented humanity, for f***s sake – we’re the Cradle of Humankind.
We were the first nation to f*****g invent nuclear missiles and then give it all up.

We can’t lose this game.

Final score: Stormers 0-22 Crusaders

Moral of the story: Success doesn’t automatically follow big achievements.
(Oh, and you should have kept those missiles).