We recently mentioned the seagull issue in the UK here. (And we’ve mentioned them here before that.)

But since that post a few weeks back, things have stepped up a bit in the seagull vs human warzone that is the British Isles. There was another attack in Aberdeenshire:

Rushed to hospital by her lash technician, Selina, no less:

“We sat there until the bleeding stopped, and then Selina looked at it and said I’d better go to hospital to get it seen to, especially with it being a seagull.”

Yep. Normal head wounds can just be left to heal naturally, but always remember that an injury inflicted by any one of the Big Three in the UK (Seagull, Hedgehog, Mountain Hare) should definitely be checked out by a medically-trained professional as soon as possible.

But the humans are striking back. Literally in one case in Liverpool, where a man “holding a bottle in one hand”, bashed a baby seagull to death by smacking its head against a bin.

In this particular instance, “may hold important information about the incident” means that he was caught on camera actually doing the incident.

Seagulls may be an issue in the UK, but there’s really no need for this sort of pre-emptive strike on a youngster. But this is Liverpool and the natives do behave (and speak) rather oddly from time to time. Presumably, there will be a minute’s silence and black armbands for the baby gull at all of the home games involving the local football teams, because they’ve always got to grieve something on Merseyside.

Up in Northumberland, both sides have taken a different approach to this whole conflict. In this case, a gull was kidnapped from the street outside a Wetherspoon’s pub (of course), but got its own back on its abductor, by flying around her house for the whole night while having actual bird flu.

“I don’t even know what made me pick him up. I put him in my sitting room with a blanket. When I woke up in the morning, I’d forgotten and he was just floating around the sitting room,” she said.

After taking the seagull to a local vet, Ms Punton was told it had tested positive for bird flu.

“I felt sick and bleached my whole house,” she said.

You’d think that was it for recent human/seagull interactions, but you’d be wrong. It’s an absolute war of attrition and aggression, and both sides continue to be attritive and aggressive.

In Hastings, there was another unprovoked attack on an aging gentleman:

A man was left bloodied after being attacked by a seagull as he walked out of his partner’s home.
Phil Marshall said moments after he left the address in Earl Street, Hastings, on Wednesday, the bird swooped down from the roof and scratched him on the head.
A retired Home Office dog handler, Mr Marshall said: “I can handle 45kg of German Shepherd but obviously not seagulls.”

Yeah, I mean, 45kg German Shepherds don’t generally hang around on your local rooftop before diving down claws first at your head, do they?

Thank goodness.

It’s interesting that the animal charities are aware of these cases, but do nothing to try to prevent them, other than suggesting that people “use an umbrella” when walking near seagulls. And yet, when a human fights back, they’re straight in there. Almost like traitors to their species.

A seagull was kicked to death after “taking fish off a plate” outside a chippy in Gwynedd. RSPCA Cymru said they were investigating after the gull died on Marine Parade in Barmouth on Monday, August 4.

Reading the report, I think that “kicked to death” is doing a lot of hard yards here.

Again, I’m not advocating animal cruelty at all, but this was a raid on £12 worth – that’s almost R300! – of quality fish, and the headline makes it sound like there was a sustained beating of the bird, whereas what actually happened was one – apparently well-aimed – kick in immediate retaliation:

After being kicked, the gull struck a parked car, before dying.

Honestly, I’m amazed that the RSPCA haven’t stepped in to check if the car was legally parked.

We’re told that these gulls are somewhat intelligent birds, and so if other gulls were witness to this brief, yet fatal, skirmish, maybe that will put them off trying to steal fish from peoples’ plates when there is a whole sea full of piscine delights literally just across the road.

I’m just saying once again, that if you make your bed then you must lie in it.
Can you imagine if a person wandered around Hout Bay stealing fish off people’s plates outside Snoekies? They would fully expect – and deserve – to get a slap or two. And yet we’re expected to just let the seagulls get away with it?

It’s not happening, tjommie. Want to try and steal some of my battered hake?
Bird or bloke: expect to get battered yourself.

The conflict continues.