Outrageous

It’s all the outrage these days to be outraged about things. It’s driven by social media, and fuelled by the websites of the local tabloids and the brain-dead, act-first-don’t-think-later people who populate those places. It seems that people are almost going looking for things to become upset by, a sort of Münchhausen’s Syndrome for the modern generation. And the things that people are getting outraged by are getting smaller, pettier and ever more difficult to predict.

We had this over a misread price label, we had outrage over the outrage over the reaction (or lack of reaction) to the Paris attacks, we’ve had people trying (but not really succeeding) to light outrage fires, and we’re going to have outrage over something else today. Probably.

But I got thinking (foolishly) about the stuff that we haven’t had outrage over yet. Stuff that, given the current climate for instant up-in-arms-ism, you’d have thought would have set the masses off.

  • The carbon footprint of the light aircraft that flies over Cape Town during rush hour, and over Newlands during rugby and cricket matches, towing a big advertising banner behind it.
  • The company that it advertises on the big advertising banner it tows behind it 90% of the time, which is a lap-dancing club.
  • People wasting water. As the so-called “water crisis” bites harder in SA, why has no-one come up with the #watershaming hashtag yet? When we had no electricity, people were quick to point out those being wasteful. With water shortages in 4 (is it 5?) provinces already, why has the same not happened with water?
  • The police vans that push their way through the traffic on the M3 each morning, taking inmates from Pollsmoor prison to court.
  • iTunes. All of it.

And that’s just for starters.

I’m both surprised and irritated that these things haven’t been considered adequate fodder for widespread outrage. Not least because I’d like to see something done about iTunes.

As I was saying…

The power of the ill-informed social media lynch mob wins again:

YOU, Huisgenoot and Drum announces Slide the City events will no longer take place this year in light of one of South Africa’s driest seasons in recent years.

Because people got their knickers in a knot over the fact that it was going to use water. Even though it wasn’t really going to actually use very much water at all.

Let’s listen to some experts, shall we?
Yes, I recognise that’a a bit of an unusual step in this sort of situation, because OUTRAGE! is better, but still:

A veteran environmentalist says:

“I would rather ask whether they are employing local people and contributing to the economy,” said Simon Bundy of SDP Ecological and Environmental Services, an organisation operating in the environmental sector since 1999. “The tourism industry, for example, would have benefited in the cities where Slide the City would have been hosted. The volumes of water that would have been used would be miniscule,” Bundy adds. “I don’t think it would make much of a difference if you used it for something else.”

Sod what you think, Bundy. I completely disregard your 16 years of specialist experience and I’m going to ignore everything that you have to say because I’ve got a bit of a bee in my bonnet over this and your views don’t match mine.
Because, yeah, how are the farmers going to manage without that water? How? Huh? HUH?!?

Well, let’s ask one, shall we?

Jannie de Villiers, head of Grain SA agrees. “What will happen if you give 35 000 litres of water to a farmer? It won’t make a difference. Perhaps it will for a household but it will make no difference to the agricultural sector.”

Yeah. See? Oh… wait… But anyway, what does he know? There’s more to agriculture than grain. Cows and stuff. And some of the water would have, like, evaporated or something.

Of course it would. But now, those several thousand individuals who were going to use that “miniscule” amount of water under the eagle eyes of the self-elected Water Police, will instead be cooling off at home in their pools and gardens, each wasting water left, right and centre because splashing in swimming pools and jumping through sprinklers does that, and there’s no-one there to stop them. *cough* own goal *cough*

And they won’t be helping out our tourism sector either: they won’t be buying drinks and snacks in or around the event, they won’t be parking their cars and helping the local car guards, they won’t pop into pubs and restaurants afterwards to cap off a great day in the sun. All the people who were going to be working the events across the country will now have to find alternative seasonal employment.
All of this is fine though, as our economy is absolutely booming right now. Isn’t it?

Perhaps setting up a store selling pitchforks and flaming torches might be a good business plan?
Just a thought.

But, the mob has spoken and we’re not allowed to have Slide The City, because the mob is unable or unwilling to comprehend simple facts that go against its narrative.

God help us all when they find out about the City of Cape Town’s six “Spray Parks”, which run every day throughout summer. But those will be ok, because:

Water is recirculated and treated through a process similar to that of a swimming pool filtration system. Water is a scarce resource and spray parks have been designed to minimise water usage.

Now, where have I heard that before?

It’s All The Same

Except that it actually isn’t. Because this here single marks an entirely new direction for Zebra & Giraffe, and it’s actually rather nice.

The new EP Slow Motion is semi-available now.

Many familiar places in this endearing, yet ultimately rather sad, railway-based video.
And some important lessons, too. Never open the book. The book is full of bad secrets you don’t want or need to know. You will only end up disappointed. And back drinking cheap red wine in a soulless bar in Beaufort West.

We’ve all been there.
(Through the heartbreak and upset of broken promises and lost love, I mean, not Beaufort West.)

Edit: Oh, apparently it was some soulless bar in Matjiesfontein. My bad. Still: It’s All The Same.

EDIT 2: (Sept 2025) I just found this post. In the intervening period, I’ve been to the soulless bar in Matjiesfontein. It was actually rather raucous and a lot of fun. Sorry.

Future patients of UCT medical student “totally fine” with his exam preparation techniques

The future patients of a UCT medical student have declared that they are “totally fine” with the wacky way that he prepares – or rather doesn’t prepare – for his end of year exams.

While most students have their heads buried in textbooks in the lead up to the examination period, Thandani took to social media platform Twitter and shared the exciting news that wasn’t ready for any of the three examinations he took earlier this week. Indeed, for his final exam, he “literally didn’t touch any of the work”, instead choosing to rely on a helpful bye from a higher power, after a quiet word from his mother.

Fullscreen capture 2015-11-11 103213 AM.bmpHowever, potential future patients of Thandani who we interviewed suggested that they were “totally fine” with his apparent disregard for their health and well-being. Around half of them said that when visiting Dr Thandani in the future, they would go in hoping that GOD would perform a miracle for them, while the others merely suggested that they would check his recent timetable and avoid consulting him on any of the work his class had covered this semester, “just to be on the safe side”.

We spoke with a senior lecturer at UCT and she seemed confused by our attitude to Thandani’s apparent nonchalance:

“Well of course we tell students not to study. GOD will carry them through their exams, as long as they pray hard enough. It’s standard procedure in the department.”

When we expressed our alarm at the way medicine was being taught at UCT, she told us that we had actually ended up in the Theology Department:

“No, don’t worry. That often happens. Easy mistake to make. Medicine is just along the corridor – third door on the left. They do proper studying and stuff down there. All a bit technical for me.”

Sadly there was no-one available from the Medicine Department to speak to us as they were all at a homeopathy seminar. We are still trying to contact them, so please expect some future revision to this post.

Which is more than you’ll get from Thandani.

Cape Town Clouds Make Sky News

Sky News. Clouds. SKY News… Geddit?
*sigh*

But yes, the Sky News website finally caught up with Cape Town’s spectacular lenticular cloud formations of Sunday afternoon, and told the world about them.

Fullscreen capture 2015-11-10 015651 PM.bmp

The story quotes photographer Kyle Mijlof as saying:

“I was on my scooter at the time, driving along Signal Hill back home to Camps Bay, I stopped to get this quick shot – I still had my helmet on.”

From which we can deduce that Kyle lives in Camps Bay, rides a scooter and usually takes his helmet off when taking photos. Also, we can tell that he isn’t a vegan and he doesn’t do crossfit, or he surely would have told us by now.
He continues:

“Honestly, the whole skyline that day was unbelievable and a bit of an eerie stillness in the air.”

Well, it wasn’t windy, which is a bit unusual for this time of year. But “eerie”? No. That’s a bit of a stretch.

Still, it’s just nice for Cape Town to get some positive (or at least not negative) coverage on the international news circuit.