Category: learning curve

ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES

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The big news just in from Observatory, Cape Town is that independent cellular phone specialists M I Cellular are branching out into the world of the ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES. I know this because they have a sign on the wall telling people about it:

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But that’s not all. Readers of the sign will also note that there are two other big bits of news here too.

Firstly, there’s the revelation that it’s not just upon entering the M I Cellular shop that you can enjoy the benefits of their new range. As you can clearly see, there are EXITING NEW FLAVOURS as well. You literally can’t get these when you’re on your way in; you actually have to spend some amount of time in the M I Cellular store and then it’s only as you leave that this offer is available to you. I’m not quite sure how you go about paying for these EXITING NEW FLAVOURS, because by definition, you will already have exited the shop. Maybe you only have to start heading towards the door for this deal to suddenly appear before you. I don’t know and I couldn’t try it out because they were closed when I wandered past just before 8 o’clock this morning.
What I can tell you though is that vaguely hanging around near the door of M I Cellular (a portal which appears to feature as both an entrance and an exit) simply isn’t enough. No EXITING NEW FLAVOURS were made available to me, despite my prolonged loiterage.

IT JUST DIDN’T WORK.

And then secondly, there’s obviously been a huge change in the anti-smoking laws in South Africa. Many of these relate back to the Tobacco Products Control (Act 83 of 1993) (which was obviously assented to the Act 12 of 1999), and the now infamous Tobacco Products Control Amendment Act (Act 23 of 2007).

These Acts basically forbid individuals from smoking in various places: bars, restaurants, schools, workplaces, covered balconies etc etc.

TALK ABOUT ARCHAIC!

No more. As you can clearly see, not only can “u” now “smoke anywhere, anytime”, but in addition “nobody can stop u”. Of course, it seems likely that there is some degree of hyperbole involved here.
For starters, you’re not allowed to smoke an ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES on planes – they make specific reference to this in the safety video. And that goes for the entire plane journey, so the “anywhere, anytime” thing falls down a little there. Also, if you were to try to tell one of the cabin crew that M I Cellular said you could “vape” on board, then you’d be in contravention of the 2009 Civil Aviation Act (Act 13 of 2009), Chapter 11, Part 1, Section 135.
You could end up in prison for 6 months. And while that’s not great, I’m sure you’d be allowed to smoke in there.
The guys at M I Cellular reckon so, anyway.

Oh, and then there’s my house. No smoking in there, I’m afraid. Not for “u”, or any other Tom, Dick or Harry. I don’t care if M I Cellular want to live in some fantasy world in which “nobody can stop u”. I’ll stop “u”. And then I’ll chuck “u” out – and don’t expect any EXITING NEW FLAVOURS as “u” leave.

All in all, if you’re looking to be a bit of a rebel when it comes to smoking legislation, and you’re hoping for some inspiring (pun intended) and novel tastes upon any given egress, ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES is probably for you.
And M I Cellular is the place to go to get it.

Can you help?

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Whizzing past twitter today, when suddenly, this:

 

Further investigation suggests that this SYNTHETIC TELEPATHY! is an ongoing issue for Andrew, who has sought assistance from numerous organisations including the police, MPs, Councillors, the Government and the Church. He’s even emailed Theresa May, the British Home Secretary on no fewer than four occasions, but has had no response. Fortunately for Andrew, he is able to seek solace in long-running radio soapie The Archers. The Archers is regularly broadcast on BBC Radio 4. Andrew likes Radio 4… 

 

…but it can’t distract him for long:

 

Can you help?

Paris Eagle video

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I don’t know about you, but if I had an eagle, I’d definitely strap a camera to it and fling them both off a tall structure in France at the first available opportunity. You can’t do that with a beagle. Well, you can, but beagles can’t fly.

Or can they?

beaglflye

That flying beagle is probably attempting to escape from the angry man whose internet connection he has just eaten.

But I digress. Often.

There’s great news: someone has done the whole tall structure in France thing (with the eagle, not the beagle) using the Eiffel Tower and they’ve posted the results on Youtube:

Some thoughts:

  1. Do eagles have to live with that wind noise all the time? It would drive me mad.
  2. Note how many times the eagle flaps its wings. Pretty much zero. This is how planes work.
  3. The zeroing in on the appropriate guy at the Trocadero is fairly amazing.

The guys at Freedom have used cameras strapped to their eagle to record other videos.
Go and have a look.

Incidentally, here’s what video from a camera strapped to a beagle looks like.
Far less glamorous, far more flappy ears. Just as you’d expect.

Thoughts on Ebola screening

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Having been to the UK this last week, having traveled (twice, nogal) through the global hub that is Dubai, and with Ebola knocking ISIS from the headlines at the moment, I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts I had while attempting not to contract Ebola or any other virus.

Firstly, that headline thing. Yes. Ebola is the number one headline in the UK news at the moment. Mainly stories around the country’s preparation for any incoming cases and the screening at the airports. Or ‘airport’, anyway. Fly into Manchester and you’re home free – no scans, no questions asked, no nothing. Just a hint for any suicide bioterrorists there.
So yes, number one headline, despite the fact that there are no UK cases. It’s an odd way of allaying fears and avoiding hysteria and it’s cementing my opinion that Ebola is a “superstar disease”. The current outbreak is bad news, certainly, but needs to be put in context – perhaps with some sort of graphic:

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The fact that it needs ringing in yellow says a lot. And yes, I realise that the Ebola thing is current and it’s acute, but still. This outbreak has killed thirty times fewer people than even “Fire, heat, and hot substances”. And let me tell you, some of those hot substances can be pretty damn deadly. But joking aside, you’re seventy times more likely to die of malnutrition than Ebola and we don’t seem to be quite as concerned with that. That’s rather sad.

But if the rest of the world is to have a reaction to Ebola and is to try and prevent its spread, then it needs to be a sensible and organised approach so as to be effective, hence my confusion at the screening being solely at Heathrow (and possibly Gatwick and bizarrely, on Eurostar trains). If you’re serious about screening passengers and keeping Ebola out of the UK (and despite the fact that it’s not a particularly effective means of determining who’s carrying the infection), then why not do it at Manchester airport as well?
There’s no point in locking your front door if you’re going to leave all your windows open.

No-one at Manchester batted an eyelid when I flew in from Dubai, even though there are excellent links from there to West Africa. Every bit as good as the ones to Heathrow.
And, with that in mind, I saw nothing – NOTHING – at Dubai about Ebola. And that place is like some terrestrial version of a Star Wars space station – what an extraordinary mix of people and nationalities. If Ebola is to get a foothold anywhere else, then it may well be through Dubai. But there’s no mention of it there at all.
Finally, Cape Town, which (amazingly? reassuringly?) had the best response of the airports I used. And that was merely an announcement asking me to “go and talk to the people at the Health Desk if I’d been to West Africa in the last few weeks”. This self-reporting with a disease which carries a stigma like an STD? It’s not exactly foolproof, is it?

I’m really not sure there is good reason for screening passengers arriving at any airport, although there are some experts who believe that there are other benefits besides the limited chance of detecting anyone carrying the virus:

Prof David Evans, a virologist at the University of Warwick, says that while testing passengers is “unlikely to detect symptomatic cases” as they arrive in this country, “the introduction of inbound passenger testing will both raise awareness and provide information that should ensure that passengers who subsequently develop symptoms can rapidly seek medical advice and, if needed, treatment.” The measures are, therefore, sensible, “primarily because they raise awareness of the disease in travellers and their contacts.”

But it also seems utterly pointless if you’re not going to do it thoroughly.

UPDATE: And, as if by magic…

What a good idea, guys…