Oh no. We’re all going to die. /s

We’ve been here before.

This time last year, in fact, when the Doomsday Clock was set at 89 seconds to midnight.

Well, now it’s set at 85 seconds to midnight. 4 seconds closer to oblivion. Oh no.

And look, I get it. The world is in an absolutely terrible state. And I’d definitely argue that it’s worse than it was this time last year. But 4 seconds worse?

Yawn.

Yep. I said it last year, and I’m saying it again now:

Look, I get that in a day with 86,400 seconds, being just 89 from complete destruction isn’t a great place to be. But then also, looking at things another way, we started just 420 seconds away from annihilation back in 1947, and we’ve only ever been 17 minutes away at our very safest.

See, they’ve gone in all too dramatic, and now they have no wiggle room at all.

OK, so they moved four seconds this year, and not one. But even at that rate, we’ve got decades before we all go up in a big puff of smoke and radiation.

Once again, I am calling for a reset of the Doomsday Clock. Think of it like decimalisation hitting the UK in 1971, or the introduction of the Euro in 1999 (and 2002). Because at the moment, the Doomsday Clock is pointless. The constant attempts to drag the time down as low as possible for dramatic purposes means that it not longer has any value.

They messed up when they started. They should have given us an hour or two to work with, but they didn’t. And so we need to start again at quarter to midnight (or even earlier) and we need to get the Prima Donnas off the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists Committee so that we can have meaningful annual updates which might actually bang some heads together and make some difference.

No-one cares about ninety or eighty-nine or eighty-five seconds. Give them some decent numbers that we can then drastically reduce when Trump tries to take Greenland.

Assuming that we’re all still around next year to review it again, of course.

Let’s not forget…

All the calls for Canada as the 51st State, the actions of the state-sponsored militias running around Minnesota (and beyond), the rambling speech mixing up Greenland and Iceland, and the persisting sabre-rattling about the alleged necessity of the annexation of the former “for security reasons“, are merely a smokescreen to try to make us forget about… well…

…you know what.

And since we’re on that subject, let me remind you of an old Russian joke that seems to have resurfaced recently.
I can’t imagine why.

Every morning, a guy stops at the same newsagent and picks up the newspaper, looks at the front page, and then puts the paper back down without buying it.

One day the vendor asks what he’s doing.

The man tells him that he’s looking for an obituary.

The vendor says “Those are at the back of the paper, Comrade.”

The man replies, “Not the one I’m looking for.”

It’s really just who goes first: him or the planet.

Wargames

I mentioned yesterday how hot it had been. It was also weirdly hot and massively foggy throughout last night as well. I know this because I was awake for most of the night and consequently, I am completely broken today.

Still. A quick wander along Muizenberg beach seemed like a good idea and we got to see the delightful sight of the IRIS Shahid Mahdavi (and friends) in False Bay for the laughably titled Will for Peace 2026 Naval Exercise.
Russia (still bombing Ukrainian civilians most nights), China (always a leading exponent of exemplary human rights), Iran (which has killed more than 500 of its own citizens this week) and South Africa playing with ships and guns.

Lovely.

Not that I am saying that any other foreign nation is any better. What I am saying is that there’s no real need for us to have naval exercises with anyone at all. No-one is coming down here to attack us. We’re far too far away and far too unimportant. Literally no-one cares.

But here we are inviting some shitty nations around to play anyway.

“You are not responsible for what your friends do, but you will be judged by the company you keep.”

And I think that anyone with an ounce of critical thinking could agree that our friends out in False Bay are not the greatest company to keep.

Nice walk, though.

Now all I have to do is stay awake and be sparkling company (as always) for our evening guests, before sleeping – possibly forever – this evening.

Bring it on.

Ugh. Sp0.0nsorship

I learned yesterday that all the London Underground stations and lines with a double O in their name (and some popular ones that don’t even have a double O in their name) are now sponsored by Heineken 0.0.

It tastes terrible, by the way.

But that’s not really the issue here. Is this a bit of corporate marketing fun, or is this actually a bit rubbish?

Answer: It’s both.

What?
Oxf0.0rd Circus doesn’t even work. If you already have to start making crap up after you’re done with Bakerloo and Waterloo, then this is a campaign that probably shouldn’t have got further than the drawing board.

And to those who say that it’s not confusing and just a bit of harmless fun, that map advert above on the left has got Kilburn Park and Maida Vale in the wrong order.

Well done!
Is this a lack of effort? A lack of attention? A lack of just… caring?

Whatever. Maps are meant to be maps: to help you get from A to B (or to 0.0) as easily and clearly as possible. They aren’t meant to be adverts.

And yes, there are bigger things to be concerned about going on in the world at the moment, but I (and hopefully you) have the brain capacity to be concerned about more than one problem.

No. Less of this kind of thing, please.

That awkward time

What date is it?

What day is it, even?

The post-Christmas limbo period is a real thing. The rush and excitement of “the big day” over and done with, but still with that holiday feeling in the air, and summer in full swing.

What do you do?

Well, we are going to go to Cape Agulhas. Yes, it’ll be jam-packed with Vaalies

But there are over 30,000 tourists visiting throughout Christmas and New Year. They don’t care about the water restrictions, because their GP-registered Chelsea Randburg tractor is near the sea, and will rust overnight if they don’t hose it down each evening. And so we literally run out of water some days.

But remember that if you are a tourist, the place you’re visiting is completely yours and only yours for the duration of your stay. Never mind the other people visiting, and certainly don’t worry about the local residents – they’re just there for you to use and abuse as you wish.

…but it will still be Cape Agulhas.

And a short break away from the madness of Cape Town and deep into the madness of Cape Agulhas will do very nicely, thank you very much.

Because it is all relative. A frustrating traffic jam in Cape Town is 5km and an hour long. In Agulhas, it’s just a bit irritating to be behind someone else at a stop street.

I still prefer it in winter, when there’s just us and a roaring fire.

So I’ll do it all again then.