Category: annoying people

A new sport

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We can tell just about exactly where the local building work has got to by which brands of plastic wrapper we’re finding in our back garden.
The roof is done (using Marley roofing membrane), the electrics are going in (Voltex), and it looks like the bathrooms are well on their way (Cobra – a classic choice).

And after the excitement of the Pole Vault this week, we’re being treated to a new sport, which – given that breakdancing has made it to the Olympics this time around – I can only imagine we might see (or… er… hear) in LA in 2028.

Unintelligible Shouting.

I’m not exactly sure of the intricacies of the laws of this new sport, but given that we have experts in the field working next door at the moment, I have gathered at least some knowledge of how it works.

Points are clearly awarded in the commonly used Artistic Impression and Technical Merit categories, much like its sister sport, Synchronised Artistic Swimming. But unlike the swimmers, it’s not about getting your collective leg over together, but more on the volume, raucousness and lack of coherence in your presented piece.

And the competition is pretty tough.

Earlier, we enjoyed endured a 45 second long spiel of what was likely some request for a part or tool. But this was a request which came out in one single string, apparently without breathing or punctuation. It was scored highly from that point of view, but honestly, you’d have to be there or fairly nearby to hear it, which really let the whole thing down; and the judges will rightly dock points for that sort of oversight at this level.

Step forward competitor number two – appropriately enough working on one of the bathrooms. Utilising the echo of the presumably newly plastered walls, he belted out… something… so loudly that the person on the other end of my phone call asked if everything was ok. And I was inside our house at the time.
But again, concentrating too hard on one single aspect of the performance was a rookie error: he got a reply to whatever he was asking, and the officials were quick to jump on that, asserting that if a reasonable reply could be given, then whatever was asked – while obviously ridiculously loud – was also clearly comprehensible.

And with a couple of the others out of the way, the pre-event favourite (who I have to say sounded pretty much like competitor number two again), stepped in and swept through to the gold medal position. Ostensibly addressing someone in the same room, the volume was actually offensive, prompting nods of both pain and approval from the assessors. And the judging panel were further favourably impressed by the fact that not only were they unsure of what language he was using, they were also at odds as to whether he was, in fact, singing. The use of intensity, pitch and general slurring earned a remarkable 96.74% overall, and I think we can all agree that a score like that is unlikely to be beaten.

Please.

This project is four months in now, and running long overdue. Thankfully, (and I think this is perfectly clear from my ramblings above), I don’t believe that it’s had any effect on my sanity at all.

RBOSS is back!

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It’s been a while since we’ve seen some RBOSS (click here if you need an explanation, and here to see other posts about RBOSS), but it’s back with an absolute classic, a stone-cold banger, a perfect example of the genre. Not least because it’s actually of Ramsey Bay, and that’s the R and the B sorted immediately.

And just look at the O and the S. Wow.

It’s dreamy.

And next up, the photographer’s disclaimer:

not done a lot to it TBH

Ja right.

Of course you haven’t, mate.

The yellow is from your pants that are on fire after that statement.

And all that orange was the early morning nuclear test in Cumbria. A bang so big, it made one end of your photo go down. The Lake District is a whole lot less hilly now, and it’s sloping downhill strongly to the left.

It’s a shame that someone took a video of the same sunrise from about 300m to your left.
And that it looked like this: Ramsey Bay No Saturation Society.

Although you can still see the black smoke from the explosion.

See, that’s how a pro works. No dehaze (see the telltale white haze around the lighthouse on the left above), no silly saturation, straight horizon.

But while it might be more accurate and a whole lot less aggressive on the eyes, it doesn’t get you as many LIKES: the true currency of the RBOSSer.

And that – sadly – is why RBOSS will continue forever.

Video: CJ Wormwell

Schooled (sort of)

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OK. Apparently, that wasn’t the Last Supper at the opening ceremony.

Except also, it clearly was:

The Paris 2024 organisers have apologised to Catholics and other Christian groups angered after a parody of Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous The Last Supper painting during the Olympics opening ceremony on Friday night.
A kitsch tableau parodied the iconic painting, recreating the biblical scene of Jesus Christ and his apostles sharing a last meal before crucifixion.

See?

However, this facebook post tells us (while dripping with condescending sarcasm):

It was not the Last Supper. It was a depiction of an ancient Greek Bacchanal.
Because, you know, the Olympics are ancient and Greek. Surprise!

Image link

But hang on. It was the Last Supper – the organisers foolishly apologised for that above – and Bacchanalia (the plural) were a ROMAN thing, not a Greek thing.
Bacchus was the Roman god of wine. He wasn’t Greek.

So actually, the Olympics are ancient and… er… Roman? No. Because that wasn’t a depiction of a Bacchanal. It was a depiction of the Last Supper with some added Dionysus.

Dionysian Mysteries are the Greek thing on which Bacchanalia were based: parties in honour of their god of wine-making: Dionysus.
Dionysus was also god of… just off the top of my head:

Orchards and fruit, vegetation, fertility, festivity, insanity, ritual madness, religious ecstasy, and theatre.

And yes – if you saw that bit of the opening ceremony – that does seem to fit the bill a little more accurately.

But if you’re going to write 500 words on how stupid people were to think that was the Last Supper (which it was), then at least get your facts straight. Because, as mentioned above:

The Bacchanalia were Roman festivals of Bacchus, the Greco-Roman god of wine, freedom, intoxication and ecstasy. They were based on the Greek Dionysia and the Dionysian Mysteries, and probably arrived in Rome c. 200 BC via the Greek colonies in southern Italy.

To be fair though, both Bacchus and Dionysus (I can’t speak for Jesus) regularly had their scrota (and often a lot more) hanging out when depicted in contemporary media.

So at least that bit was right.

Morocco v Argentina

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And the weirdest football report ever?

There was drama last night at the Stade ­Geoffroy-­Guichard in Saint-Étienne, in the Olympics, which have started even though they haven’t started yet.

It happened in the football, where a last minute equaliser – in the 16th minute of injury time! – from Argentina sparked a pitch invasion from the Morocco fans, including some Groucho Marx impersonators…

…and the players were taken off while the fans were cleared from the pitch.

This took quite a while, as Argentinian coach Javier Mascherano notes:

I can’t explain what happened. We spent about an hour and a half in the dressing room where they never told us what was going to happen. The Moroccan captains didn’t want to play, we didn’t want to continue, and fans threw things at us. It’s the biggest circus I’ve ever seen in my life.

And he used to play at clown club West Ham United, so you know it was bad.

Amazingly, after almost 2 hours, the goal which had sparked all the protests was ruled out in what must be the longest VAR decision (yet), meaning that the score was still 2-1 to Morocco, but that there was still some time to play.

The players were brought back out into the – now empty – stadium, where Morocco successfully kept a clean sheet for 3 minutes and were awarded the win.

That Guardian report I linked to above just shows how chaotic things were, with the actual URL reading like the goal wasn’t disallowed:

…the story obviously having been updated a little later.

Still, that’s better than the AP version of events,

The game was broadcast in cafes throughout Morocco, where national pride has swelled since the country advanced to the semifinal in the 2022 World Cup. During a record-breaking heat wave, tea-drinking men screamed at televisions and watched in shock as fans stormed the field.

Screaming tea-drinking men are bad enough, but screaming tea-drinking men during a record-breaking heat wave? Terrifying.

And where did they get these quotes?

Zak Eddakir, a 28 year-old from Rabat, said the fans’ reaction had to do with soccer’s importance in Morocco and a natural disappointment at a draw and the idea that a referee’s call could end a game.

What are you on about, Zak? The referee’s call always ends the game. The whistle thing, remember? That’s one of their key jobs. Otherwise games would literally never end. I know it might have felt like this one went on a bit, but if the referee hadn’t been there to make the final call, we’d still be watching.

And then, this:

Hairdresser Khadija Seffany streamed into the street to embrace her friends and neighbors after Morocco won.

Wut? How does an individual stream into a street? Is she wholly fluid? I know we’re made up of 70% water, but there are surely still some very unstreamable bits in a hairdresser. Bones, for a start, are notoriously solid and very poor at streaming.

She initially thought the delay in calling the goal offside suggested the referees wanted Argentina to win because Morocco is an Arab country.

No. The delay came because the Moroccan fans invaded the pitch. Were you not watching before you streamed onto the street?
And where on earth did you get that “the referees wanted Argentina to win because Morocco is an Arab country” thing from? Talk about desperate victim tactics.
This sounds a bit like something a Liverpool fan might say. (Sorry, TA.)

Does this ridiculous suggestion perhaps stem from the infamous Libya v Tunisia game last year in which both teams lost simply because they were Arab countries?
If so, I do kind of get it.
But then, since I just made that game up, you’re being daft.

Was it a different referees [sic] that disallowed the Argentinian goal, then? Presumably because something something Hispanic something? Ugh. Honestly, just go and flow back into your salon.

(Ironically, in the other game in this group, Iraq beat Ukraine.)
(With no pitch invasion required.)
(You work out the ethnicities.)

But there is one final word from the hydrous football expert Khadija before we go, and given her previous form, I’m expecting it to be an absolute banger…

Every match throughout the Olympics will be important.

Wow. World shattering stuff right there.
Stick to hairdressing, please.

Honestly, I don’t particularly like Argentina – not least because of this – but I would love to see Morocco chucked out of the competition because of their fans’ behaviour. Zak’s excuse about “natural disappointment at a draw” just sounds like Moroccans are bad losers… draw-ers?… and doesn’t really do a lot for me. Are we going to see this every time one of their athletes or teams loses?

No, thanks. Not today.

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I don’t know why I logged onto Twitter.
I should have known better than to do something silly like that.

Anyway, with one quick look at the “What’s Trending” column…

…I quickly realised the error of my ways, and immediately put things right:

Honestly, could there be a worse trio of individuals to have thrust upon you?

No, thanks. Not today.

Or any other day, for that matter.