Tag: england

The Morning After

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And so, the dream that never was anything more than a dream is now over. And while we English lick our wounds and think about what might have been, it’s only right that those readers and tweeters who have asked for my considered opinion on matters football get their manna from heaven.
I’ve thought long and hard about how best to put my thoughts in some sort of rational order. I had plenty of time to do this last night because the neighbourhood dogs kept everyone awake all sodding night. Again. But I digress.
Anyway, I couldn’t come up with any rational order, so I’m just going to do a quick  memory dump on stuff which occurred to me yesterday and in the intervening period between then and now.

I’m angry. This is in marked contrast to when Bafana Bafana bowed out (which was essentially after their 0-3 to Uruguay) when I was sad.  To go out fair and square is disappointing. To go out because of refereeing ineptitude is infuriating.

FIFA have to introduce video technology to help refs out. Yes, I recognise that “Write to Sepp” is on every English person’s agenda today, but I’ve said this before. FIFA’s continuing refusal to instate video replays into football is frustrating and foolish. And that’s without a whole lot of other f-words I could have used. Yesterday, Lampard’s “goal” wasn’t a goal and that affected the entire game and with it, potentially, the entire tournament.
It’s not “sour grapes”. It’s embarrassing to love a sport so much and watch it become a laughing stock because its “owners” want it to stay in the Dark Ages. We saw it again in the second game yesterday – Tevez’s first goal was way offside and why didn’t we get goalline camera replays of that Mexican effort that wasn’t given? The conspiracy theorist in me is screaming out that someone had had a word upstairs.

Those who say that “it wouldn’t have made a difference” are laughably naive. Consider the game in Bloem yesterday, one side going in at 2-2 having been 0-2 down: you tell me who’s going to have the psychological edge in the second half. You tell me who’s not going to have to commit too many players forward, leaving themselves vulnerable at the back.

That said, England haven’t lived up to expectations. There’s been a lot of talk of English “arrogance”, but this is a side that won all but one of its qualifying games for this tournament – they had every right to expect to do well, but too many big name players just haven’t performed. Why? Well, I don’t think it’s this “too much football” thing, because every other team is full of players that have played the same amount of football – much of it in the Premiership. Maybe there’s the issue – not enough English players in our own leagues.
So what we’ll do is to get the tabloids to blame the “durty forrennurs” and then do nothing about it until this happens again in 2014.
Oh Joy.
Oh – and I do hope that someone introduces John Terry to Matthew Upson on the plane home, because on the Free State Stadium pitch, it did look like they’d never met before.

And then I looked at Twitter to see why things didn’t go our way. And I wondered why I didn’t look there earlier.
Look at Simon Dingle’s reasons for the Lampard wonder strike not being given:

In the run up to the World Cup Germany gave us advice and support while the English media ran us down. Justice.

Ah yes Simon – of course. Those earthquake, race war and snake stories. Although I might be missing the meaning of your word “support” there. Do you perhaps mean Bayern Munich President Uli Hoeness’ comments:

“I was never a friend of a World Cup in South Africa and Africa as long is the security issue is not 100 percent solved,” Hoeness said.
“Mr Blatter had to have his way, I always considered it wrong. Now you have to make the best out of it (but) I am convinced that deep down Mr Blatter has realised that giving the World Cup to South Africa was one of the biggest wrong decisions he ever made.”

Full on support right there. And here’s some more from Franz Beckenbauer:

Beckenbauer, who captained Germany to World Cup success in 1974 and coached the winning side in 1990, says few German fans can afford the expensive tickets and are put off by South Africa’s reputation for crime.
“Not only are there doubts by those thinking of travelling there, because of security, but the tickets are too expensive,” Beckenbauer, who is on FIFA’s executive committee, told German broadcaster Sky.

This after his earlier comments:

The organisation for the World Cup in South Africa is beset by big problems,” the German legend claimed.
“But these are not South African problems – these are African problems.”

Justice indeed, then.

And then, even more laughably, self-proclaimed social media guru, Khaya Dlanga:

England won’t stop talking about how they were robbed. well, England robbed entire countries during colonialism. Lol

Lol! Yes, if you put ‘Lol’ after something,  it makes everything ok. e.g.:

Hitler wasn’t such a bad chap after all. Lol
Paedophilia in the catholic church is actually ok, because they’re men of god. Lol

Presumably, this also explains why Norway failed to qualify, having had that Viking thing going on, but I’m not sure how the Netherlands have got this far.
Quite how colonialism is going to rear its ugly head at tomorrow night’s Spain (Mexico, America, East Indies) v Portugal (South America, Angola, Mozambique) game remains to be seen, but I’m sure Khaya (who describes himself as “Speaker. Columnist. Copywriter. Humourist. Seriousist. Typoist. I’m too schooled to be cool. I never eat black Jelly Babies.” and who I describe as “a complete tosser”) will have some pithy amusing comment to drag things down to a racial level and sort it all out.

Lol

UPDATE: Thanks to the several of you who have sent me the “What’s the difference between England and a teabag? The teabag stays in the cup longer.” “joke”.
England’s World Cup campaign kicked off in Rustenburg on 12th June and ended yesterday in Bloem on 27th June. That’s 15 days. How long do you stew your tea for? More than 15 days? Is this some sort of African thing? How do you keep it warm?
Or have you just not thought it through?

UPDATE 2: via Sky News:

Major officiating blunders in two World Cup knockout games have sparked outrage among fans.
But FIFA officials ducked the controversy when faced with hostile questioning from journalists at their daily briefing.
In fact, the governing body failed to send any officials with responsibility for refereeing to the press conference.

Spokesman Nicolas Maingot said it was “obviously not the place” to debate refereeing errors or the merits of goal line and video technology. Lol

Sigh.

England v Algeria – photos

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We went, we watched, we booed.
And for Wayne Rooney to have a dig at the fans who have traveled 6000 miles... and spent thousands of pounds to watch that dross just proves how out of touch he is and what a primadonna he has become.
Tosser.

Still – as the photoset above shows, it was a good day out: firstly at the Waterfront, enjoying the view and the atmosphere and the beers and then off up to the amazing Cape Town Stadium, which was filled with passionate fans from both nations.
If only the standard of the football had lived up to the fans’ expectations.

Next up – North Korea and Portugal on Monday.

Squads confirmed (ish)

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Each team participating at the FIFA World Cup 2010 has until midnight tonight to name their final 23 man squads. Bafana Bafana named theirs at a press conference this morning and the bi g news (worldwide) was the omission of striker Benni McCarthy.

Goalkeepers: Itumeleng Khune, Moeneeb Josephs, Shu-aib Walters

Defenders: Aaron Mokoena (captain), Siboniso Gaxa, Bongani Khumalo, Anele Ngcongca, Tsepo Masilela, Lucas Twala, Mathew Booth, Lance Davids, Siyabonga Sangweni

Midfielders: Teko Modise, Siphiwe Tshabalala, Steven Pienaar, Thanduyise Khuboni, Kagiso Dikgacoi, Macbeth Sibaya, Reneilwe Letsholonyane, Surprise Moriri

Strikers: Bernard Parker, Katlego Mphela, Siyabonga Nomvete

Following last night’s 5-0 win over Guatemala in Polokwane, South frica have now gone 11 matches unbeaten and face Denmark in their final warm-up game before next Friday’s opener against Mexico at Soccer City.

England’s squad announcement, due at lunchtime was delayed until this afternoon. But that didn’t stop journalists leaking the details of the 7 players left out of Fabio Capello’s original 30-man training squad.
As the BBC’s exasperated Jonathan Stevenson remarked:

This is a most unsatisfying resolution to quite an important announcement. We’re still waiting on the names of four of the England players who will not be travelling to South Africa.

and then:

Oh for crying out loud. I love Fabio, but this has gone on way too long – and according to Express sport, the official announcement won’t be until 1500 BST now. It’s frankly a shambolic and unacceptable way for England’s World Cup campaign to begin.
Transfer deadline day ain’t got nothing on this. It’s carnage.

And he’s right. After a blisteringly good qualifying campaign, England have looked shakier and shakier against Mexico and then Japan. Now, the FA have messed up the squad announcement which should have been a straightforward press conference: how difficult is it to read out 23 names?

Are the wheels coming off already? It’s really not a good start.

UPDATE: Finally – at 1600 BST, the rumours are confirmed:

ENGLAND’S 2010 WORLD CUP SQUAD:
Goalkeepers: Joe Hart, David James, Robert Green.

Defenders: Jamie Carragher, Ashley Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Glen Johnson, Ledley King, John Terry, Matthew Upson, Stephen Warnock

Midfielders: Gareth Barry, Michael Carrick, Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Aaron Lennon, James Milner, Shaun Wright-Phillips.

Forwards: Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe, Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney

Meaning that Leighton Baines, Michael Dawson, Tom Huddlestone, Scott Parker, Adam Johnson, Theo Walcott and Darren Bent don’t make the squad of 23.

Upson, Carragher, Carrick, and Lennon look like the weak links to me. Oh – and all the goalkeepers.

World Cup Willie

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Disambiguation: for World Cup Willie (1966 World Cup Mascot) click here.
Otherwise… read on.

I read today (here, actually) that John Terry, the now disgraced former captain of the England football team, is flying out to Dubai to try and convince his estranged wife, Toni Poole, that their marriage is still worth salvaging.
In case you’ve been under a rock:

Poole, the mother of Terry’s two children, fled to the UAE soon after reports emerged regarding an affair between the Chelsea captain and Vanessa Perroncel, the ex-partner of the 29-year-old’s former club team-mate Wayne Bridge.

The incisive Guardian reporting tells us:

Terry had a serious look on his face as he was escorted to the plane at London’s Heathrow airport shortly after 8.30am, wearing blue jeans and a white hooded top.

I’m not bloody surprised (at the serious look, anyway) (the white hoodie did come as a bit of a shock – I dunno – I thought something in blue, maybe?  A splash of colour. Cheerful. Bright. Make some effort, man.)

Anyway, I hope he’s got flowers and I’m sure he’s got his little speech lined up.
After all, he does “love her to bits”.

How do I know?

Oh – just this little gem I picked out from that exclusive John Terry Interview in the Observer Sport Monthly back in May 2006:

And you’re not married?

No, I’m engaged to my girlfriend Toni Poole, she’s been with me since I was a YTS.

She looks very nice in the photographs.

She is. And she’s good for me. She’s been there from the start. When I was earning £46 a week she was earning £250 a week – she was taking me out to restaurants. It’s nice that she’s there for the right reasons – for me.

And she’s forgiven you your indiscretions?

Indiscretions – you know, I’ve never cheated on her or anything like that. I never would. I can look you in the eye and tell you that. There’s been stories out there that I’ve cheated on her but I certainly haven’t – I love her to bits.

There was an interview in the News of the World where I’d seen a reporter out and I’d apparently admitted it all to Toni. I never admitted anything to Toni because I’ve never done anything. With me saying I’m a loyal person, that goes with my girlfriend as well as with Chelsea.

But you must have been sorely tempted?

Yeah, there’s occasions. I’ve obviously explained to Toni that we get opportunities, we get approached and I’ve probably been in situations that she doesn’t approve of. Maybe. But it certainly wouldn’t be the case where I’d take it any further.

Certainly not, John. After all, you “love her to bits” and you’re “a loyal person”.
You can look me in the eye and tell me that (but you’ll still be lying).

If he’s done it once, he’ll do it again (see Woods, Tiger).
My advice is to dump him, Toni – but only after the World Cup.
While he might have been covering the hole that Wayne Bridge had left at the back (sorry), he’s still a damn fine defender and part of the backbone that will win the World Cup for England a bit later this year. (Albeit that we need a decent coccyx.)

As long as he’s not in a state of abject depression.
So please just lie back and think of England (literally), until July 12th.

Thanks.

Test cricket is still mainly boring

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With dropping attendances, bore draws and the huge push towards shorter versions of the game, it was nice to finally see an exciting finish to a 5-day test match yesterday. The second time in three matches in this series, actually. (In the other game, England obviously wiped the floor with sorry SA).
But while the last over histrionics, South Africa’s constant and often desperate appealing and Graeme “The Cramp Man” Smith’s wonderful innings and penchant for referring everything were all briefly gripping to watch, it was really only the last couple of hours of the game which were actually “exciting”.

All of which leads me to believe that in actual fact, Test cricket is still mainly boring. And that isn’t really a problem if you’re happy to be bored; if you have days to spare at the ground or on the couch, beer and snacks to hand. But for the majority of us, that’s not the case.

The problem as I see it is that in order to get the exciting finish, you have to sit at least through four days of potential dross. And yes, I know there were “gripping” bits here and there, like the Steyn vs Collingwood thing and Fatty’s lovely innings, but mainly it was quite dull going through to motions stuff. For 4½ days. And that’s why T20 – which condenses the best bits from Test cricket into a couple of hours and is therefore exciting – has become so popular.

So what I propose is this: T6000 cricket. In this new and revolutionary form of the game, one takes scenarios from all the Test matches in history which have ended in an exciting manner. (There must be at least three or four of them.)
These scenarios would then be played out to a finish in front of a capacity crowd. Games would consist of one innings of variable length, as the different scenarios would kick in at different times. For example, I would propose that for yesterday, we start at tea on the final day – after all, it was mostly pretty dull before that.
So England (or South Africa, depending on who wins the toss) would start 5 wickets down, needing to survive 35 overs. 
In this case, the batting side could only ever get a draw, but them’s the breaks. And before you moan that you’ll never see the top batsmen playing, you’re wrong: the warm-up would consist of the top order being put through their paces before going and having a drink in the players lounge as their tail-enders actually play the game.
As an added benefit, since each 15-session match will now be played in one single session (a reduction of 93.33%), there will be less danger of player burn-out – a major cause of the top players not being able to play in the first place.

Sure, the purists will hate this, but they’re the ones with the time, the couch, the beer and the snacks.
For the vast majority, T6000 is the future.