New Cape Town zipline sounds like fun

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This sounds like a lot of fun:

Come 1 November 2014, and Cape Town will have its very own ‘foofy-slide’ zipping over the national heritage area on the southern side of Table Mountain near Constantia Nek.
It hangs up to 155 meters above the tree canopy below and stretches over 2,3km. The longest zipline cable on the route is 470 meters.

“Table Mountain” Ja. OK.
But already, I am twitching with mounting excitement.

And, in even better news for fat people, this is an all-inclusive ride – you can join in too:

The cable can carry up to 16 tonnes and will be tested with a 3 ton weight block before opening to ensure the experience is both thrilling and safe for sliders.

If you weigh more than three tonnes, you’ll probably either need to make special arrangements with the owners first, or set up a chain of poorly-rated B&Bs and a hypercritical website all about local eating establishments. Your call.

The new zipline is set to open on November 1st, and they’re already taking online bookings here. And when you pay up, here’s a taste of what you’re in for (Pro Tip: if you don’t understand Afrikaans, just look at the pictures):

 Sign me up!

Elephant’s Eye

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A quick family hike up from Silvermine to the Elephant’s Eye cave overlooking the Constantia valley and Cape Flats this morning. It was 7.5km of rocky paths and scrambles, together with almost 400m in ascent: hard work, but we enjoyed ourselves and the views were superb.

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Sadly, we appear to have broken Colin, who needed to be carried the last few hundred metres, having lain down and refused to get back up again. Or was unable to. Whichever.
Colin is still asleep, three hours after we got back.

I’ll try and do a longer post on this sometime this week. Photos here.

Grand Designs

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I’m a huge fan of the Grand Designs show. The only thing stopping me from building my own architect-designed, avant-garde, leftfield, off-the-wall, out-of-the-box, modern eco-home from innovative materials and using a new twist on traditional building techniques, is money.
Well, that and having seen the crap that people on Grand Designs have to go through.

Kevin McCloud and his knowledgeable, laid-back approach are the cornerstones of the programme, and it’s him that keeps me watching even though sometimes the individuals featured can be a little… dare I say it… pretentious.

Now though come two excellent Grand Designs parody accounts on twitter. Parody accounts can be a bit hit or miss, but these ones are sharp, clever and right on point. If you’re a fan of Kevin and Grand Designs you’ll love them.

Firstly, @KevinMsays which pokes fun at his intro and outro monologues on each show:

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and then @grand_designz, which concentrates on the builders themselves, with ever more improbable Guardianista names, bizarre upper-class careers and plans for their dream home:

It’s funny because it’s dangerously accurate.

Loads more enjoyment to be had on those two accounts. Go and have fun.

ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES

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The big news just in from Observatory, Cape Town is that independent cellular phone specialists M I Cellular are branching out into the world of the ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES. I know this because they have a sign on the wall telling people about it:

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But that’s not all. Readers of the sign will also note that there are two other big bits of news here too.

Firstly, there’s the revelation that it’s not just upon entering the M I Cellular shop that you can enjoy the benefits of their new range. As you can clearly see, there are EXITING NEW FLAVOURS as well. You literally can’t get these when you’re on your way in; you actually have to spend some amount of time in the M I Cellular store and then it’s only as you leave that this offer is available to you. I’m not quite sure how you go about paying for these EXITING NEW FLAVOURS, because by definition, you will already have exited the shop. Maybe you only have to start heading towards the door for this deal to suddenly appear before you. I don’t know and I couldn’t try it out because they were closed when I wandered past just before 8 o’clock this morning.
What I can tell you though is that vaguely hanging around near the door of M I Cellular (a portal which appears to feature as both an entrance and an exit) simply isn’t enough. No EXITING NEW FLAVOURS were made available to me, despite my prolonged loiterage.

IT JUST DIDN’T WORK.

And then secondly, there’s obviously been a huge change in the anti-smoking laws in South Africa. Many of these relate back to the Tobacco Products Control (Act 83 of 1993) (which was obviously assented to the Act 12 of 1999), and the now infamous Tobacco Products Control Amendment Act (Act 23 of 2007).

These Acts basically forbid individuals from smoking in various places: bars, restaurants, schools, workplaces, covered balconies etc etc.

TALK ABOUT ARCHAIC!

No more. As you can clearly see, not only can “u” now “smoke anywhere, anytime”, but in addition “nobody can stop u”. Of course, it seems likely that there is some degree of hyperbole involved here.
For starters, you’re not allowed to smoke an ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES on planes – they make specific reference to this in the safety video. And that goes for the entire plane journey, so the “anywhere, anytime” thing falls down a little there. Also, if you were to try to tell one of the cabin crew that M I Cellular said you could “vape” on board, then you’d be in contravention of the 2009 Civil Aviation Act (Act 13 of 2009), Chapter 11, Part 1, Section 135.
You could end up in prison for 6 months. And while that’s not great, I’m sure you’d be allowed to smoke in there.
The guys at M I Cellular reckon so, anyway.

Oh, and then there’s my house. No smoking in there, I’m afraid. Not for “u”, or any other Tom, Dick or Harry. I don’t care if M I Cellular want to live in some fantasy world in which “nobody can stop u”. I’ll stop “u”. And then I’ll chuck “u” out – and don’t expect any EXITING NEW FLAVOURS as “u” leave.

All in all, if you’re looking to be a bit of a rebel when it comes to smoking legislation, and you’re hoping for some inspiring (pun intended) and novel tastes upon any given egress, ELECTRONICS CIGARETTES is probably for you.
And M I Cellular is the place to go to get it.

Can you help?

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Whizzing past twitter today, when suddenly, this:

 

Further investigation suggests that this SYNTHETIC TELEPATHY! is an ongoing issue for Andrew, who has sought assistance from numerous organisations including the police, MPs, Councillors, the Government and the Church. He’s even emailed Theresa May, the British Home Secretary on no fewer than four occasions, but has had no response. Fortunately for Andrew, he is able to seek solace in long-running radio soapie The Archers. The Archers is regularly broadcast on BBC Radio 4. Andrew likes Radio 4… 

 

…but it can’t distract him for long:

 

Can you help?