Many people have been in touch to ask why exactly there is an eclipse this evening. It’s really not too complicated and I’m happy to explain it to you.
‘Cos I can do Science, me.
Simply, a turtle lunar eclipse is when a really big turtle moves between the sun and the moon and casts its shadow across the lunar surface:
You can recreate this at home on a smaller scale by using a torch as the sun, a ping pong ball as the moon and a cockroach as the turtle.
It’s a very effective demonstration.
It’s Lunar Eclipse Day.
Walked out this morning, don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore– The Police, Message in a Bottle, 1979
Walked out this morning, completely believe what I saw
Just clouds. Loads of bloody clouds. 🙁– Me, this morning.
Over 12 hours until the eclipse starts. We can only hope that things in Cape Town clear a bit before then.
…nothing happens at all.
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow.
Driving home from town the other night from town I found myself sitting at a red robot* while precisely no vehicles went the other way.
And it reminded me of Del Amitri’s 1989 single Nothing Ever Happens, which includes the line:
Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there’s nothing to go
Not 100% accurate, in that my issue was that the traffic lights had turned to stop when there was something to go: me. More like the traffic lights had turned to go, when there was nothing to stop. Which is equally irritating.
We can put a robot onto the surface of Mars (and not get it stuck at traffic signals), but we can’t have traffic lights that are able to see if they actually need to allow no cars to flow freely across junctions.
Anyway, that got me thinking of all the other lines in that song.
There are several.
As an observational piece about modern, urban society, it’s pretty accurate.
And pretty damning.
And pretty depressing.
What did intrigue me was that although this song is now basically 30 years old (eina!) – an entire generation on – and given the progress we have allegedly made in that time, nothing has really changed.
American businessmen continue to snap up Van Goghs for the price of a hospital wing.
Bill hoardings go on advertising products that nobody needs.
Bachelors still phone up their friends for a drink while the married ones turn on a chat show.
And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow.
* a traffic light.
Basically, if you’re in Cape Town, you don’t want to hear this.
It’s not looking good.
Windguru has “heavy, low cloud forecast until 11pm”.
Flowx has “overcast conditions throughout Friday and into Saturday”.
Accuweather has “partly to mostly cloudy”.
Ugh.
I’ve got plenty of lab work to do today: this test isn’t going evaluate itself. Because of this, I had no plans to head to BAOBAB BEACH in Kenya’s Kilifi County.
But even if I had, I’d have cancelled them pronto having read this warning from the Director of the Kenya Wildlife Service (Kilifi County). A man with a signature so complicated, it took scientists three decades and one of those huge blackboards filled with equations just to figure out who he was.
But I digress, often.
The warning isn’t to be taken lightly, because… well… see for yourselves:
Kenya believe it?
The first thing that I noticed (pun intended) was that readers are advised twice to NOTICE! That’s already hinting at some sort of serious message coming up, and Mr Wygfbf&ddsfgnk%#cbgsb#kh¥gv doesn’t disappoint as we continue to read.
Additionally, there are other signs indicating that this is a real warning – he’s even Cc’d VICE CHANCELLOR. We’re clearly not messing about here. No-one Cc’s VICE CHANCELLOR without good reason. You just don’t do that. It’s serious stuff.
However, whatever the issue, we’re OK for today as we are only adviced to stay away from tomorrow. Your last minute trip to BAOBAB BEACH is still on, so long as you’re reading this four days ago.
If you’re reading this after then, then you are adviced to avoid BAOBAB BEACH. Do not go there. Stay away.
I’m not sure how I can make this any clearer.
The reason, as you’ll no doubt have read by now, is that three poisonus snakes have been noticed (but note: not noticed! noticed!) on the beach. Now, I’m not going to mock the use of poisonus when what he actually means is venomus; firstly because that’s a common error, and secondly, because the sentence including this mistake goes on to tell us that the snakes can fly and that rather distracted me from his earlier mild misconception.
Because who cares if they are poisonus or venomus when they can fly?
I did a quick google search for flying snakes. Apparently, there is a film called Snakes On A Plane, but I couldn’t find any sort of details on the plot, so I’m not sure what it’s about.
There is a gliding snake, which can’t actually fly per se, but can (allegedly, at least) glide, hence the name “gliding snake”. They’re only found in South East Asia though, which is very much where Kenya isn’t, but then the ANACONDA BREED of snake is only found in South America, and that’s also somewhere where Kenya isn’t. The gliding snake flings itself off things and lands on lower things. I’d be more comfortable with calling it a “falling snake”, as gravity is quite heavily involved in the whole process, but apparently, the grace with which it utilises air resistance on its way down persuaded some bold colonial explorer to plump for some rather overly dramatic nomenclature.
Given the name of BAOBAB BEACH, I’d imagine that there may well be BAOBAB trees there, which is something for those flying gliding falling snakes to use as a launch pad, and so I wouldn’t advice walking underneath any trees there.
In fact, I would advice you to not go there at all. From tomorrow until further notice.
Incidentally, there’s also a Flying Serpent, but only in Chinese Astrology (“Heavenly Snake, Chief of the Water Reptiles”, nogal), Cinematography (a film made in 1946) and Mythology (the Bible).
The Fiery Flying Serpent is to be avoided at all costs, but thankfully, none of those have been noticed on BAOBAB BEACH.
Oh, and or the record, the ANACONDA BREED of snake can’t fly or glide and is neither poisonus nor venomus. Apart from these three, obviously.
But let’s not allow that sort of factual detail get in the way of this heartfelt and serious warning.
Please, as Mr Tsdfjkln7skdgjklxcv*BNMZDbvj^4jsakdf advices, steer well clear of BAOBAB BEACH, Kilifi County, Kenya until further notice.