DXB – LTN

As the world slips ever closer to global warfare, with South Africa offering to be the mediator between the US/Israel and Iran – basically the equivalent of letting Pep Guardiola referee a Manchester City game – there’s very little to be happy about.

The countries involved in the conflict are trying their hardest to win the battle for hearts and minds with selective reporting, and the fake news sites are furiously peddling their wares. It’s hard to know what to believe. And it’s sometimes harder to accept the things that are (probably) true.

And so, as ever, we turn to humour.

This is (almost certainly) fake news, but it’s very well done:

Indeed. Frying pan and fire stuff.

More tomorrow, when I wake up to find out which new country has joined the fun.

A little premature?

That thing I did on the drama of the Doomsday clock.

Awful. But then, this also suggests that we could keep going at the frankly horrendous rates of killing each other and destroying the environment that we’ve been working so hard upon for the last 12 months for at least another 88 years, and we’ll still be ok. Just.
See, they’ve gone in all too dramatic, and now they have no wiggle room at all.

And the follow up post, a year later.

Once again, I am calling for a reset of the Doomsday Clock. Think of it like decimalisation hitting the UK in 1971, or the introduction of the Euro in 1999 (and 2002). Because at the moment, the Doomsday Clock is pointless. The constant attempts to drag the time down as low as possible for dramatic purposes means that it not longer has any value.

I stand by both of those posts, but I’m also very willing to admit that they might have a bit of a point if they were to chop and extra minute or so off any interim update in the very near future.

The US has launched “major combat operations” in Iran, designed to eliminate “imminent threats” from the country’s regime, Donald Trump announced on Saturday.
The operation is “massive and ongoing”, the US president said in a video on social media, pledging to use “overwhelming strength and devastating force” to destroy Iranian missiles and ensure it cannot develop a nuclear weapon.
Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu said the attacks aimed to “remove the existential threat” posed by the Iranian regime, as he urged the people of Iran to topple the government.
A short time beforehand, Israel said it had launched “preventative” strikes on Iran.

‘No red lines’ in Iran’s response to attacks, says official
A senior Iranian official said there would be “no red lines” to the regime’s response to the Israeli and US strikes on Iran.
“We are telling Israel clearly to prepare for what is coming,” the official told Al Jazeera.
“Our response will be public, and there are no red lines… All American and Israeli assets and interests in the Middle East have become legitimate targets.”

And yes, we’re only a couple of hours in and already Iran, Israel, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and the UAE have been attacked by one side or the other.

Russia has condemned the US/Israeli attack, but wants to keep Trump onside. The UK is trying not to get involved. South Africa hasn’t woken up properly yet after a bit of a bender last night.
China is just sitting there laughing…

…at least, for the time being.

Me? Big concerns over the 15:25 at Kenilworth this afternoon, and also whether United can bounce back away at QPR after a somewhat disappointing result midweek.

Oh – and also the potential end of the world thing as well.

Yeah. Also that.

Oh. But don’t forget about the Epstein Files.

The hotel coffee machine row

This cartoon…

…was published before the sh1t hit the fan – or kettle? – when a so-called “influencer” revealed her repulsive hack of washing her dirty underwear when away from home:

Tara Woodcox, an influencer and fitness coach, is speaking out after an earlier video of hers went viral, in which she suggested to her followers that they clean their dirty underwear in hotel coffee makers.

In the original video — which she posted to TikTok on Nov. 9, 2025 — Woodcox described what she called “one of the coolest tricks ever.” For those who didn’t pack enough underwear during a trip, she suggested using the hotel room’s coffee maker and placing the dirty garment where the grounds would normally go.

“You close it, you press brew, and it puts scorching hot water through it,” she said, adding that one could use the blow dryer to dry them off after. “You got yourself a cleaner pair of underwear to wear! I did not realize how many people already knew this hack.”

I think that it was Bob Mortimer who joked about peeing in hotel kettles when on tour.

“Still do! As the kettles get better, I can see a little measurement on the side.
They’ve got a little counter. They used to be ever so basic.”

But that was clearly a joke. And so that’s actually fine.

Tara Woodcox and her “coolest trick ever” doesn’t appear to be anything more than an admission of one of her disgusting habits.

If the rumours (and apparently they are just rumours) that she is being sued for $1million by the hotel chain in question are true, then good.

More of this keeping people accountable for their stupid behaviour, please.
Because now, everyone has to take their own kettle on holiday.

Don’t get distracted

With Prince Andrew being arrested this week over his connections with Jeffrey Epstein (although not for that, but who knows where the ongoing investigations may lead), suddenly someone is panicking and pulling out all of the stops in order to distract the world from his connections with Jeffrey Epstein (which certainly do involve that).

Look, I get that “Actually, yes, aliens do exist” is pretty big news, but my first thought was: “Wow. Does he really think that I can only manage to think about one thing at a time?”, but then I remembered that that’s probably true for most of the people that voted for him, and so this is probably something of a master stoke from the Cheeto Cheater.

I happen to also think that the current President of the United States sexually abusing young girls on a private island over a period of several years is also fairly important, and I really believe that we shouldn’t let the big orange man let the little green men distract us from that.

OK?

I don’t know what to say

I said a lot of things here, but sometimes even I run out of words when I read something like this.

The story:

“He just learned how to ride, he got the hang of it right away,” Ethan’s dad, Luis, said proudly. “He wanted to go outside because he wanted to jump on his bike…it was an amazing thing for him.”

Instead, since late January, the schoolboy has been confined to a hospital bed with measles encephalitis, a complication that causes swelling and inflammation in the brain. “He’s pretty much as if he was paralysed,” his devastated father, 41, told The Independent in a phone interview from his son’s hospital bedside.

Sadly, it’s not like anything could have stopped him from being affected in this way.

Well, apart from the measles vaccine, of course. That would have prevented all of this.

But:

Ethan’s parents decided not to immunise him against measles as they did with his three brothers. Three out of four of them contracted measles. Still, despite Ethan’s ordeal, his mom stands by their decision. “We’re not blaming God for this,” said 35-year-old Kristina. “Yes, it hurts, of course, it hurts. But God has chosen Ethan for a reason. God is doing something, and we’re gonna glorify his name regardless.”

“And we wouldn’t change it any other way,” the mom continued. “If I knew this could be the outcome, I still wouldn’t have given my son the vaccine.”

Honestly, read that last line again and then read what happened in the hospital (after they opted to take him HOME(!) for 48 hours while his condition deteriorated further):

“They immediately started giving him fluids, taking blood again, doing all the tests again,” Kristina said, panicking as she watched her son being hooked up to machines.

Then Ethan’s heart rate started dropping.

“The machine started beeping,” she recalled. “And we were really concerned … doctors kept coming in and so then we asked, ‘What number do we need to be concerned?’ And [the doctor] said, ‘Anything that goes under 50.’

“And all of a sudden, his heart rate went under 50,” Kristina said.

The mom recalled that a nurse then shouted, “Ethan, you gotta wake up, you gotta wake up,” and started “pounding” on her son’s chest, before calling for more medics to help.

“It was just one of those moments you just think…no, no,” the mom said, through tears. “This can’t be.”

And then let me share her words one more time:

“And we wouldn’t change it any other way. If I knew this could be the outcome, I still wouldn’t have given my son the vaccine.”

And there it is. If you ever needed any evidence that some people shouldn’t be allowed to become parents. Literally, those last lines are basically an admission of wilful child endangerment.

But these people have become emboldened by what they read on Facebook and by what their pseudoscientific, conspiracy theorist, absolute knob of a Secretary of Health is saying and doing.

“Why do we need to add so much to our children’s bodies?” Kristina asks.

Erm… because it would have prevented your 7-year-old son from having to be fed by a tube (ironically added to his body), from possibly not being able to walk again, and having brain damage for the rest of his life.

To the parents’ relief, doctors were able to stabilise Ethan’s heart rate and he was admitted to the intensive care unit, where his mom and dad sat by his bedside all night anxiously watching the heart rate monitor. The next morning, Ethan underwent another MRI and second spinal tap.

Weird how you suddenly start relying on modern medical science to save your kid’s life once your shitty decisions nearly ended it, hey?

What a horrible, stupid woman.
Good luck to Ethan. And good luck to the rest of her kids.

They’re going to need it.