Category: annoying people

Meanwhile, at Home Affairs…

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Spotted this online and immediately thought of Home Affairs, but it could equally relate to any process or establishment of your choosing. DHA might have the dubious honour of being the go-to institution for queuing in South Africa, but there will be banks and telecom companies and government agencies all over the world which will share that reputation for their individual country.

Take a book or something to occupy your mind (like a time machine, for example), because invariably, you will be there for a long time.

System is offline, ne?

Every day.

u wot, m8?

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I have never been a fan of anything corporate: the environment, the attitudes, the politics, the people. But central to all of these things is the corporate language: the verbiage, the jargon and the phrases, which are always deliberately confusing and whose use is often fleeting.

It’s all so unnecessary and it’s basically a show of (alleged, assumed) power.

Scientists, Engineers, Lawyers and, most of all, Medical Doctors have been using unnecessary terminology to maintain their lofty positions in society for years. I hate it. 

For me, it certainly sends a message, but probably not the one they are intending.

There are always examples of this, but how about this spectacular effort for utterly verbose nonsense?

First off, “lense” isn’t a word. The word you are looking for is “lens”. Sloppy.

I know what I’d like to leverage you off, mate: it’s the edge of the nearest cliff, thus geo-sensitising you to the pointy rocks far below, and therefore “creating discomfort”.

This is an absolute abomination. Samuel Johnson must be spinning in his grave at what looks like the result of a particularly mischievous gibbon running amok with a thesaurus.

Do better. Or better still, stop doing altogether.

More of this please

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Having just experienced several (or more) airport security checks, together with the inevitable queuing for each, I fully endorse this new suggested approach, presumably aimed at speeding the process up.

Yep. Byee!

It may seem a little heavy-handed, but when you’ve been standing in a line of people watching each and every individual in front of you be told the same thing over and over and over again, and then when it comes to your turn after 45 minutes and you’re not ready…?

You deserve all the nasty things: including not being allowed to get on your flight and go on your holiday.

Voetsek!

That said (and stood by), none of the processes were the same across our 6-airport trip. Not even for Doha which we went through twice. Sometimes laptop in, sometimes laptop out. Sometime belt on, sometimes belt off. Sometimes shoes on, sometimes shoes off. And that was weird and irritating. All were thorough, but if I had to order them, then most lax would be Cape Town, and the most thorough would be (the notorious) Ronaldsway. Gatwick, Dublin and Doha(x2) were somewhere in the middle. But while each one was slightly different, there was still plenty of time to learn each protocol as you approached, so no excuses for not knowing what was imminently coming up.

We didn’t miss any flights, although there was one close call (after a delayed arrival and the usual mess at security – and this on a transfer side of the airport, so every passenger there had recently experienced a security check, and yet many still seemed bewildered as to what was going on), so I fully support this new proposed plan for getting (me) through airport security a bit more quickly.

Lazy Day

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I should have done a lot more than I did today. A late start, well-deserved as we are still trying to get back into the swing and the routine of normal life. And then… nothing really happened. I should have gone to gym. I didn’t. Instead, a bit of golf, a bit of cricket, some football.

Watching, obviously. Not playing. That would be far too much effort.

And that’s about it. Except to say that American golf fans are annoying. And Brian Harman’s addressing of the ball is annoying. Golf generally is a bit annoying though, so maybe they fit in quite nicely.
And I feel like a bit of a fraud even showing a modicum of interest.

Especially as my favourite golfist isn’t there.

Squirrels – the truth

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I spotted a recent Facebook status:

Had a great time out at [Stellenbosch wine farm] with [person], lovely tea and cake and a lot of fun feeding the squirrels.

Now, I want to talk about the grey squirrels on the wine farm, but let’s address the obvious grey elephant in the room first.

Tea and cake? What are you doing? You’re on a wine farm. The choice of beverage should be wine and the choice of foodstuff should… also be wine. You’re a grown adult. Honestly, make better decisions.

And then…

Feeding the squirrels. What are you doing? They are a nasty, destructive, invasive alien species introduced to SA by a racist, colonial megalomaniac.

Native to the hardwood forests of North America, the Grey squirrel was introduced into South Africa by Cecil John Rhodes. At the turn of the 19th century he released squirrels on Groote Schuur estate in Cape Town. By the 1970s their range had extended as far as Swellendam in the Western Cape.

And you’re feeding them? You’re a grown adult. Honestly, make better decisions.

No-one crows on social media about “watering the Port Jackson” or “fertilising the Rooikrans” while they are out and about, do they? No, because those are nasty, destructive, invasive alien species introduced to SA by racist colonialists. You’d never willingly or knowingly sustain or propagate these things.

But then, they don’t have fluffy tails, do they?

Make no mistake, Grey Squirrels are bastards:

It is a serious pest and its habit of removing tree bark is extremely damaging. It also carries a disease called paradox virus, which affects indigenous species. It may build nests in buildings, destroying electrical wiring and woodwork.

If the wine farm were in KZN, they would be obliged to kill the little gits, but sadly (for us, not the squirrels), this wine farm was in the Western Cape. They are listed higher on the NEMBA index of invasive species (i.e. they are considered a bigger threat to our native biodiversity) than rats.

Did you feed the rats at the wine farm?
Of course not. But then, they don’t have fluffy tails, do they?

The best grey squirrel is dead grey squirrel. Get over their alleged “cute” personas and stop pandering to their every need. They are an invasive species, destroying our native flora and fauna.

Make better decisions.