Author: 6000

Fullpod

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My iPod is full. Yes, I still have an iPod. I realise that having an iPod is horrendously old-fashioned, but I still have an iPod.
Also, it’s a big iPod. So it’s even more uncool.

But being uncool is not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that my iPod is full. And with so much good music coming out recently and soon (Depeche Mode, Future Islands, Slowdive to name but a few), I need some more space.

It’s either a new iPod or some culling. And because I’m still poor after buying my Mavic (and will be so for the next several years), I’m going to have to lose some music. But what should go, because I love all 11,000 songs on there, otherwise they wouldn’t be on there, right?

Right?

Well, I have started a random playlist on my journeys to and from work. And when a track comes on that’s obviously bilge, I check who is performing it, and I decide whether they get culled later. Not everything will go based on one song. Everyone has their off moments. But it will put them in the firing line.

So far? Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley (who were really only ever on there for a roadtrip with the mother-in-law), Train (saw them at Glastonbury 2003: one good song, otherwise trash), Robbie Williams (through it all, he offered me protection), Kylie Minogue (probably bought for a party in 2012), and Lana del Rey.

That last one raised an interesting question though, namely:

What the f… (ishcake) is Lana del Rey doing on my iPod?

Is this some sort of illegal land grab on my iPod’s hard drive? Do I need an interim court order to get it removed? (spoiler: no, I just click delete). The most worrying bit about this is that I don’t ever remember putting her stuff on there.

And we’re only one day in.
It’s left me very worried about what else I’m likely to discover on there.

But the premise is good: concentrating more on quality rather than quantity. Just like I don’t do on this blog.

Relax. The water is fine.

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Hypochondriacs and Munchausen’s Syndrome sufferers across Cape Town were yesterday distressed to learn that the drinking water in the city remains of excellent quality and was therefore not to blame for their imaginary symptoms.

“It’s going to be so difficult to find something else to whine about. The tie in between the water running out and that mild tummy ache I had for about 20 minutes last Wednesday was just so obvious,” said occasional mild tummy ache sufferer Genevieve Snowflake of Constantia.

Her views were echoed by other local overly-dramatic attention seekers:
“I did two poos yesterday, whereas I usually only do one poo each day. The second one was pretty small, but still, it’s out of character for me and I was convinced that it was all down to the Ebola in the tap water,” delicate gastrofairy Abraham Muller of Sea Point told us.
“Now I find that it was probably nothing, and I’ll probably have to go back to work again tomorrow.”

City Spokesperson Priya Unready stated: “Rightfully, much has been made of the Cape Town water crisis, but just because we only have 3½ months of water left, doesn’t mean that we’re suddenly going to stop treating the stuff coming through your taps. Aside from our legal responsibility to makes sure that the drinking water in the city is safe, why would we want to make everyone sick? That doesn’t come close to making any sense, and frankly, you’d have to be extremely stupid to believe it.”

But extremely stupid people remained unconvinced:

“It’s a plot by the Zionist leaders to kill us all via imaginary enteritis!” said weak-coloned Parklands resident Alarmed Dyomfana.
“Tony Ehrenreich told me that they all have shares in the bottled water companies and that’s how they’re going to take over the world.”

The City released this media statement:

With declining dam levels, water quality enquiries from members of the public are naturally increasing. We would like to assure residents that the water remains safe to drink. Water quality is closely monitored via a large number of water samples analysed according to the stringent South African National Standards (SANS 241:2015) requirements.

which also contained the subtext:

Oh. My. Actual. God.
I really cannot believe we have to write this down for you. Honestly, how absolutely, utterly f****** brainless do you have to be to think that we’d just randomly switch off all the water treatment works and leave you drinking what would be essentially muddy rainwater and baboon piss which had been stored for a few weeks in a big sandpit near Grabouw?
Jesus. I’ve got a Diploma in Public Relations from CPUT. I deserve so much better than having to write this crap. Morons.

Ian Ailing, the chairman of the Western Cape Hypochondriac Association was too unwell to meet with us in person, but briefly spoke to us from his sickbed:
“The City should have told us this before. We’re always on the lookout for things to blame our make-believe maladies on. Now they’ve made us all look even more silly. But look, if it wasn’t the water, then it must have been the vol-au-vents at Cynthia’s garden party on Saturday. I’m sorry. I have to go now. Literally.”

Big Bang Theory

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Actually, the “Theory” bit is wholly extraneous. When your country’s biggest ammunition dump (at Balakleya, Kharkov) catches fire*, there’s no theory involved. It’s all about the big bangs.

This one is good, watch especially for the explosion at 2:06, the Ukrainian expression of surprise at 2:07, the ensuing shockwave at 2:16 and the slightly more animated Ukrainian expression of surprise at 2:18.

Basically we’re looking at big, uncontrolled, massively dangerous fireworks here. And how cool is that?

Equally cool is that someone took to the skies remotely with their drone and recorded it all from above, adding some wholly inappropriate background music.

Look out for that same HUGE explosion about halfway through this one, forming what looks like a terrifying smoky jellyfish.

Epic.

 

* or is sabotaged by the Russians. 

No post is good post

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I almost forgot to blog again. Yikes.

We did a bit of (expensive) shopping for our upcoming trip today. I can’t bring myself to share how much we spent, but it was “significant”. April 2017 will therefore be a month remembered for the number of meals consisting of 2 minute noodles or dry Salticrax. And – hopefully – a really good trip to Namibia. The food on that one was included in the price of the holiday, so at least we’ll be able to eat for a few days.

Right now, I need to sit down and relax in a large tub of decent brandy, as I try to forget our spending today.

Also, mental note to self: how are you going to blog while you’re away?
If you get a house sitter and a beagle sitter, can do you also get a blog sitter?
Maybe I need one of those to remind me to blog on the days when I am here…

Bosch

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A family fun day (actually, “The 2017 Family Winelands Experience”, according to the poster at the entrance) (ja, I know, right?) at Boschendal wine farm was the order of the day. Arranged by a blue bank, we were invited as Mrs 6000 is a business client of theirs. I was dreading it a bit. But needs must.

I shouldn’t have worried. The gentle 6km bike ride around the estate heralded the start of a really cool day. Wine, very good food, friendly people, some excellent entertainment and untold amounts of stuff to do for the kids. Also, wine.

And all set under (appropriately) blue skies.

Sadly, the day ended on a rather sour note when, just as we were leaving, I accidentally dropped my wallet and it bounced through the cellar door and my bank card landed in the machine there. Still, as I explained to my wife, it was very nice of the staff there to give me a bottle of 10 year old brandy to make up for my troubles.

Thoughtful souls.