Fear The Dolphins

“The following scenarios may be upsetting to young children. Reader discretion is advised.”

A couple of years ago, I wrote about Taiji and the dolphin hunt. In that post, I had a bit of a go at certain organisations which sought to ban the local population from carrying out their centuries old way of life, simply because of some misguided, emotional attachment to one mammal above another. Many other people have written – and continue to write – about Taiji and the dolphin hunt, but, it seems, few from my point of view. Things were thrown, people got angry and I even got some swear words sent to me in an email.

What I didn’t realise then was that something far more sinister was going on under the surface (so to speak). These human organisations are merely dolphin sympathizers, double agents preparing and softening up mankind for the inevitable Dolphin Apocalypse. I learned this from the very informative website, Anti-Dolphin.org, which opened my eyes to the horrifying and previously unconsidered threat to our very existence that lies beneath our oceans.

Dolphins control 70% of the Earth’s surface, including many major rivers. How can one say this? Well, it is a fact that the majority of Earth’s surface is covered by water, 70% to be precise. Dolphins, of course, live in the ocean and they even admit that they are the kings of the sea in the theme song to Flipper.
Also they control the rivers because there is a group of animals known as river dolphins that are related to the better known group of ocean-dwelling dolphins. These animals do, in fact, share similar policies and values and are allied publicly. A good analogy for this situation is the following: ocean-dwelling dolphins are to river dolphins like Nazi Germany is to Fascist Italy.

Yes. Suddenly, it all becomes clear, doesn’t it? The dolphins, who already have intellectual (bigger brains) and territorial – well, aquatorial – advantage over the human race are surely just waiting for the perfect moment (many of these scenarios are listed here and make harrowing reading) to strike and take full control of the planet.

Dolphins do have the ability to attack and destroy humans. One of these abilities is that they can use the sonar waves that they use in echolocation for more devious purposes. Since ultrasound can be used to breakup kidney stones it is very obvious that dolphins have the capacity to emit certain types of sound waves from their melon to destroy particles in a human body.


They could use this ability to loosen large chunks of ice from the poles and create icebergs. (Titanic?) These icebergs melt as they travel through warm water. This will add more water to the oceans and cause coastal flooding. Dolphins will then gain more and more control of the Earth’s surface.

At first, I too was skeptical. But when you are open-minded enough to step back and take in the bigger picture, it’s abundantly clear that we have been repeated lied to and fed pro-dolphin propaganda throughout our developing years.

Why else would SeaWorld, Green Peace, The Wild Dolphin Project, The Dolphin Institute, Blue Dolphin Alliance, and the Miami Dolphins be created? They all are designed to be aides for the dolphin’s control. These cult-like businesses/organizations try to make you feel bad for the dolphins and they attempt to get you involved with their manipulative cause.

And you can add the devious Sea Shepherd to that list as well. Presumably, they believe that their interference in the human/dolphin situation in Taiji will buy them some sort of amnesty when the dolphins finally rise up and conquer mankind. But even a fool can surely see that the dolphins cannot be trusted and once they have enslaved or killed the rest of the human race, these sorry traitors will soon follow. (And I think all us rational human beings would fully support the dolphins in that act, at least.)

For too long, we have lived our lives oblivious to the insidious threat of the Dolphin Apocalypse. No longer.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen; lend me your ears, because you have ears!
You have opposable thumbs!
You stand upright and tall.


Do not be a sleeping partner in the dolphins’ evil plan. Spread the word and when the day comes, let us be prepared to fight for the 30% of this planet that we still control!

Viva, Mankind! Viva! Amandla!

I should be out in the sun…

…but there’s the small matter of a few thoughts to be documented and this tends to be the place where I do that sort of thing.

I will commence with this documentation process now.

Firstly: did I see my first fixed game of football on Friday night? We all know that cycling is a valueless laughing stock now that another (and another and another) big name is discovered to have used drugs to enhance their performance. And all the scientific evidence points towards the biggest name of all having done exactly the same – but having got away with it, at least for the moment. Athletics too, is in disarray with medals tables still being updated a week after the Commonwealth Games has finished. And even the “Gentleman’s Game”, cricket has fallen foul of recent match-fixing allegations.
So far, football has really only made itself look stupid by not adopting goalline technology, but the result of the Cape Town derby on Friday night was decided by the dodgiest 92nd minute penalty I’ve ever seen given. And that includes several at Old Trafford. And that’s saying something. None of the players, nor the 15,000 crowd, nor (apparently) the referee saw anything untoward as veteran goalkeeper Hans Vonk collected the ball and got the game going again. But the linesman on the far side decided to flag for a foul and was already in position for the resulting penalty to be taken before the ref had even blown his whistle. It looked weird.  It looked dodgy. And it was made even more iffy by the fact that it was in the 92nd minute. He probably would have given one earlier, but Santos hadn’t actually got into the box before that.

The penalty was saved by an incensed Vonk, but he couldn’t hold on to it  and the rebound was popped in for world’s most unlikely draw. After the incident and after the game, Mr Vonk could be seen telling the officials exactly wheat he thought of them. Repeatedly and in detail.

Secondly: dolphins, The Cove and the internet.
Now, I like dolphins as much as the next man (as long as the next man isn’t Alan Cooper – I don’t like them that much). But I’m also one of those enquiring people who never takes things at face value and likes to look at both sides of a story. The annual dolphin killings at Taiji in Japan is one of those stories. It’s been in the news again recently, because the time for the annual kill has come around again and much reference has been made to the overly subjective film The Cove, which was released last year, documenting the 2009 kill and telling us that the water turned red with the blood of the dolphins.
Isn’t that dramatic? What do they think the floor of a slaughterhouse looks like?

Now, environmentalists want this annual practice banned – no matter that it’s been going on for over 300 years and there are still plenty of dolphins to be caught.  And that’s ok, because everyone is entitled to their views on this and when you are a greenie, you have to protest about something – it’s what you do. And dolphins are the most awesome thing to protest about because they’re dolphins. And dolphins and pandas are top of the list when it comes to poking the human conscience. Them and puppies.

But what about humans? Because Taiji isn’t some oil-rich, gold-laden glittering city. Taiji is a small town with no industry or income other than that of the fishing (and for fishing, you can read “whaling”). So when you take away what they are their ancestors have been doing for centuries because it doesn’t fit with your Western beliefs, what’s left for those people?
Imagine Jeffery’s Bay without the surfing, imagine Boulders Beach without the penguins: there’s suddenly no support for those people; poverty ensues and the settlement – there for hundreds of years – is ruined because of the views of some activists 1000’s of miles away who refuse to look beyond the “plight of the dolphins”.

And then the people who support them without considering the reasons why they are doing it. Why?
Dolphin, panda, puppy – must protect.
It’s a trendy, ill-thought through, kneejerk, bandwagon-jumping response.
What gives you the right to decide how others should live?

I don’t like the thought of dolphins being killed either, but it’s a necessary part of  life for the people of Taiji. The dolphin catch provides food (albeit potentially unhealthy food, but beggars can’t be choosers) and income for the town.
Imagine if your only sources of food and income were taken away from you because someone in America didn’t like the way you lived your life?
That’s no more braais, because they don’t agree with the way your lamb is slaughtered or the ingredients in your boerewors were sourced. They’re stopping your income as well, because they don’t like the way you make your money. Of course, they have no legal powers to do this – but actually, they’ll even go as far as breaking the laws of your own country to make your hard life even harder.

What happens to the people of Taiji if the dolphin catch doesn’t happen? Have you even considered that? 
No, of course not:  because it’s about dolphins and pandas and puppies.