Fear The Dolphins

“The following scenarios may be upsetting to young children. Reader discretion is advised.”

A couple of years ago, I wrote about Taiji and the dolphin hunt. In that post, I had a bit of a go at certain organisations which sought to ban the local population from carrying out their centuries old way of life, simply because of some misguided, emotional attachment to one mammal above another. Many other people have written – and continue to write – about Taiji and the dolphin hunt, but, it seems, few from my point of view. Things were thrown, people got angry and I even got some swear words sent to me in an email.

What I didn’t realise then was that something far more sinister was going on under the surface (so to speak). These human organisations are merely dolphin sympathizers, double agents preparing and softening up mankind for the inevitable Dolphin Apocalypse. I learned this from the very informative website, Anti-Dolphin.org, which opened my eyes to the horrifying and previously unconsidered threat to our very existence that lies beneath our oceans.

Dolphins control 70% of the Earth’s surface, including many major rivers. How can one say this? Well, it is a fact that the majority of Earth’s surface is covered by water, 70% to be precise. Dolphins, of course, live in the ocean and they even admit that they are the kings of the sea in the theme song to Flipper.
Also they control the rivers because there is a group of animals known as river dolphins that are related to the better known group of ocean-dwelling dolphins. These animals do, in fact, share similar policies and values and are allied publicly. A good analogy for this situation is the following: ocean-dwelling dolphins are to river dolphins like Nazi Germany is to Fascist Italy.

Yes. Suddenly, it all becomes clear, doesn’t it? The dolphins, who already have intellectual (bigger brains) and territorial – well, aquatorial – advantage over the human race are surely just waiting for the perfect moment (many of these scenarios are listed here and make harrowing reading) to strike and take full control of the planet.

Dolphins do have the ability to attack and destroy humans. One of these abilities is that they can use the sonar waves that they use in echolocation for more devious purposes. Since ultrasound can be used to breakup kidney stones it is very obvious that dolphins have the capacity to emit certain types of sound waves from their melon to destroy particles in a human body.


They could use this ability to loosen large chunks of ice from the poles and create icebergs. (Titanic?) These icebergs melt as they travel through warm water. This will add more water to the oceans and cause coastal flooding. Dolphins will then gain more and more control of the Earth’s surface.

At first, I too was skeptical. But when you are open-minded enough to step back and take in the bigger picture, it’s abundantly clear that we have been repeated lied to and fed pro-dolphin propaganda throughout our developing years.

Why else would SeaWorld, Green Peace, The Wild Dolphin Project, The Dolphin Institute, Blue Dolphin Alliance, and the Miami Dolphins be created? They all are designed to be aides for the dolphin’s control. These cult-like businesses/organizations try to make you feel bad for the dolphins and they attempt to get you involved with their manipulative cause.

And you can add the devious Sea Shepherd to that list as well. Presumably, they believe that their interference in the human/dolphin situation in Taiji will buy them some sort of amnesty when the dolphins finally rise up and conquer mankind. But even a fool can surely see that the dolphins cannot be trusted and once they have enslaved or killed the rest of the human race, these sorry traitors will soon follow. (And I think all us rational human beings would fully support the dolphins in that act, at least.)

For too long, we have lived our lives oblivious to the insidious threat of the Dolphin Apocalypse. No longer.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen; lend me your ears, because you have ears!
You have opposable thumbs!
You stand upright and tall.


Do not be a sleeping partner in the dolphins’ evil plan. Spread the word and when the day comes, let us be prepared to fight for the 30% of this planet that we still control!

Viva, Mankind! Viva! Amandla!

7 thoughts on “Fear The Dolphins

  1. Myself, I would rather live in a world ruled by dolphins than by humans. Global communication invented before the plastic shopping bag. No nuclear weapons. Dolphins have not poluted our environment despite the fact we flush our toilets into theirs.
    Panzi the opposable thumb!
    Forward to the rule of the peaceful inhabitants of 70% of our surface area!
    Viva Dolphins, Whales and Sharks!
    Good bye and thanks for all the fish!

  2. At last a human who thinks clearly! For too long we have been hoodwinked by the lovable ‘smile’ on the dolphin’s face, while the devious creatures lull us into a false sense of security.

  3. David Rogers > I think you’re missing the point here. You wouldn’t have the option of “living” in a dolphin controlled world. Widespread slaughter of all bipeds. Or peds generally, I guess.

    john beadon > Preach, brother! Spread the word.

  4. It may have been the mice. Or a race of intergalactic travellers.

    Either way, it puts paid to the “Mostly Harmless” rating, and the advice not to panic.

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