nonsense

Earlier, someone linked to a huge – s t r e t c h – by local “expert on everything”, Graeme Codrington, in which he explains why Australian “B-girl” RayGun’s atrocious performance at the Olympics was actually just a protest about the “sport” being included in the Games. Here are some highlights (of his theory – there were no highlights in the actual performance).
Please ignore the smugness if you can.

How likely do you think it is that Australia selected a completely useless competitor for the Olympics? Not likely, right? Should this have alerted you to a bigger story, and to do a touch of research before posting? I think it should have.
A quick search will uncover that her name is Prof Rachael Gunn, and she’s a university professor, with a focus on breakdancing, gender and politics. She’s also a really well established breakdancer and has represented Australia at World championships for many years, to much acclaim. Did this give you pause for thought? It should have.
Slightly more research will uncover that she’s recently written an academic journal article entitled “The Australian Breaking scene and the Olympic Games: The possibilities and politics of sportification”. The theme of this paper is a concern that if breakdancing is institutionalised via the Olympics it is likely to lose its very essence. Her argument is that if the sport is forced to adhere to a strict code that gives points for certain elements and is centrally controlled by a body not strongly linked to the sport (like the IOC) it will stop being the sport she loves. Does that information give you pause for thought? It should.

Let’s pause for thought, as instructed. Here’s that paper, written two years ago.

And here’s how Graeme sees her performance:

The most likely story here is that her dance at the Olympics was a supreme expression of what she believes is the essence of her art form: an anti-institutional dance of rebellion and defiance. Could it have been a throw down. A challenge. The judges gave her a zero – and by doing that she was the winner of a dance that is a form of protest.

STREEEEEETCH! But then of course:

I know I am a full-time researcher so this type of info is maybe easier for me to track down, but we should all make some effort.

Eww.

Anyway, I made some effort and I found out that if this was indeed a protest, then it’s a long held gripe that she has. Indeed, RayGun seems to protest in many of her routines, given her Instagram videos.
Here she is… er… protesting in Cyprus, Sydney and the UK with form and style that seem to pretty much match exactly what she did in Paris this week.

Here she is last year, talking about how they’ve had to work hard in Oz to get athletes to the Olympics:

For many traditional Olympic sports, there is a clear pathway for athletes to qualify. For the Australian breaking community, the past three years have been a scramble to get everything in place for the road to Paris. A qualifying event in the Oceania region later this year has yet to be locked in.
“The last three years has been really fast putting all that [infrastructure] in place,” Gunn said.
“It’s been really intense, we’ve had to build a lot, and on top of training and on top of reimagining ourselves as Olympians, [it’s] been really fast-paced the last couple of years. But we are ready, we’re going to get there, and we just need the support now from the Australian public.”

Which is a bit weird, given how much Graeme says she hates the idea.

And here she is extolling the virtues of Breaking being in the Olympics, a whole three weeks ago:

Breaking provides an opportunity to explore the “faster, higher, stronger” ethos of the Olympics in new ways. It shows us that we truly don’t know every point on which the body can spin or launch its weight, the different shapes it can make, or all the ways it can move.

And finally, here’s an interview with her after her disguised protest, in which she disguises it still further…

…by not saying it was a protest at all.

After her performance, the 36-year-old Macquarie University lecturer explained she wanted to leave a creative mark.
All my moves are original. I was never going to beat these girls on what they do best, the dynamic and the power moves, so I wanted to move differently, be artistic and creative because how many chances do you get in a lifetime to do that on an international stage?

It is Genius!

Listen, I know I’m not a full-time researcher, but this type of info was very easy for me to track down, so maybe Graeme should make some effort.

Jeez. The lengths some people will go to to get some attention.

Also, please share this post. Thanks.

You know what? I’ve always wondered what would happen:

If I conferred with our furry friends, man to animal
Think of the amazing repartee.
If I could walk with the animals, talk with the animals
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals
And they could talk to meeeeeeeeee…… [Jazz Hands to fade]

But look no further, young Padawan, because now there’s a animal communication course that you can do. It’s in Port Elizabeth, so enough said really, but then there’s a redeeming feature in that the Facebook ad has a Boston Terrier and a telephone receiver on it, so it must be good, right?

Hopefully the animals are going to put some effort into studying too though, because that’s not how you use a phone, is it?

Enough of my questions though, because the course organisers have a couple of their own:

Have you ever considered the possibility that you and your animal have spiritual agreements to assist each other?

I’m sorry, what?

No. No, I haven’t considered that possibility. Primarily, I feel, because an agreement, you see, is something that both parties have to… er… agree to, and I’m pretty sure that I’d remember entering into some sort of mystical, mutually beneficial pact with the beagle. So no, it’s not a possibility that I have ever considered. Next question please.

Could it be that your animal has valuable information for you and because you have never thought about it, you haven’t spent much effort learning how to communicate more effectively with him or her?

To be honest, there are only a few pieces of valuable information that I’d really require. The winner of the 2:30 on Saturday at Turffontein would be good, a medium to long-term outlook on the currency markets would be even better, and the GPS coordinates for the well that little Tommy has fallen down would certainly assist the people currently out searching for little Tommy.

I digress… I find it highly unlikely that the beagle, an animal so thick that it can’t even recognise its own reflection, would be able to furnish me with any of these important details. Look, it’s very good at knowing where the kitchen is when I’m cooking or making the kids’ packed lunches, so if I ever need to know where the kitchen is, I’m sorted. But to be honest, I’m yet to find any other use for it, and it’s been three years now.
And anyway, it can already communicate: it scratches on the back door when it wants to go outside, and it scratches on the other side of the back door when it wants to come back in. It’s not exactly high level communication, but since we have no spiritual agreement to assist each other in place, it’s about as good as things are ever going to get.

Can this course teach me more? Of course it can.

Learn how you can learn to directly communicate with animals. All living creatures have the ability to think, feel, and communicate although most people have forgotten this. This course teaches how to open up to the messages that animals around us are sending all the time.

This makes your household pet sound like a spy. If the beagle is sending messages all the time, to whom is it sending them? And what do they say? And how is it sending them? And why do the recipients want to know? All of these questions will obviously be answered on the course, but if I were to learn how to tune in or intercept these messages that the beagle is allegedly sending all the time, then at best, I would feel that I was eavesdropping or intruding upon its privacy, and at worse, I would probably want to strangle the treacherous little sod.

It all depends on what it’s been saying. But either way, I see no benefit for anyone here.

In this one day course you will learn inter species communicate with each other and how you can effectively send messages to animals and hear their answers.

I can’t help that if someone is running a course on any sort of communication, they should be able to write in sentences which make sense. This one doesn’t, but what it lacks in basic English, it makes up for by promising some incredible things. Not the “effectively sending messages to animals” bit – that’s not tough to do if you’ve got ~~a shoe on your foot~~ some tasty tidbits to reward their good behaviour with. They soon learn what you’re telling them.

No, but hearing their answers would be amazing. Well, I say that, but the beagle is notoriously good at ignoring any command you give it, so do I really want to hear what it has to say?

Now:
Me: Hey, beagle, come here!
Beagle: [looks up, ignores instruction]

After ‘Beginner animal communication course’:
Me: Hey, beagle, come here!
Beagle: [looks up, ignores instruction] Fuck off.

Again, I see no advantage for myself or the beagle here.

The individual who can like to be presenting this course goes by the stage name ‘Animal Benefits’, and a quick look at their Facebook page yields (along with lonely dogs and depressed horses), this gem from last month:

This smacks of the nonsense spouted during the search for Vienna. And you’re going to pay money to sit in a room with this [ ]* for a whole day? Ugh. You’re the one who’s atrocious.

Look, even this light-hearted, so-called example of alleged animal communication is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to justify eating more chocolate:

[delicate female voice] “Oh, but I cannot feed it to my dog, because chocolate is bad for dogs, so I will just have to have it for myself, no matter if he thinks I am being ‘atrocious’ (yes, he used that word, ‘atrocious’)! OMNOMNOMNOM! Ha ha ha!”

To be fair, I have tried the same thing with the beagle and brandy, but at least I don’t charge idiots a fat fee to come and listen how to I do it.

If you willingly choose to pay real money to go on this course, you’re on your own. There are a million better things that you could do with your hard-earned cash and precious time.

If she locks the door once you’ve sat down, it’s been nice knowing you.

Don’t go near any wells.

* redacted for legal reasons

Tag: nonsense

This B-girl Raygun “protest” theory is clearly nonsense.

Dr Doolittle