butlers

Incoming from Uber Eats, who we occasionally use to order ribs, pizzas, burgers and several other unhealthy – but nearly always enjoyable – items. Great news – you can now tip your driver. Officially.

There will be some of you who have already worked out that you slip your Butlers or Oishi delivery guy a few extra Rands for his trouble, so why not your Uber Eats guy too?

The thing is, the joy of Uber Eats is that it’s a cashless system, so it’s not always possible to find a R20 note without a bit of forethought. And although Butlers and Oishi also offer a cashless option in the form of Snapscan, there’s the option to add your tip there and then.

OK – we’ll continue with this in just a second, but already, I can see that there will be some people who will take issue with that photo. Stereotypes in the race of the driver, the race of the customer, and the fact that she seems to be working for Starfleet.
The fact is that every Uber Eats driver we have ever had has been black (and male* – hence my ubiquitous use of ‘he/his’ in this post), every time we have used Uber Eats, I have been white, and conveniently, it turns out that the beagle is a huge fan of Star Trek, so there you go.

And now back to the post…

Interestingly, when we do offer our Uber Eats driver a cash tip they are always surprised and delighted. This suggests to me that this is a rather unusual practice. It shouldn’t be that way though, surely?

Well, now it doesn’t have to be:

That seems pretty straightforward, now doesn’t it?

I’m not sure exactly how the Uber Eats pricing model works and how much of your order price goes to the driver, but I’d wager that 1) it’s not very much and 2) if you’re using the system as a customer, then you’re probably able to share a bit of the wealth with the guy who just saved you going out to the local takeaway joint in the no rain.

Do it.

* did I just assume his gend… Yes. Yes I did. Get over it.

I’m confused. It does happen from time to time, usually over unimportant things like political history and tax regulations.
And that happens to the best of us, doesn’t it, Julius?

But this time, it’s altogether more serious. I am confused about pizza.

There are several different sorts of pizza eaters and several different types of pizza to go with them.
The pizza snobs will insist on an olive wood-fired, traditional Umbrian-style oven, built from terracotta tiles recycled from Julius Caesar’s bathroom and a pizza base rolled on the inner thigh of one of Silvio Berlusconi’s hand-maidens.
These are the sort of people that like rocket on their pizza. Because there’s nothing better than making posh cheese on toast and then chucking some raw dandelion leaves on top before you eat it.

Then there are the pizza slobs. These are the people that will even accept pizza from Scooters, despite that company’s preference for speed rather than classiness, their lack of accuracy in putting the correct ingredients on the round dough bit, the fact that they (possibly) cook their wares in a 650W Pick ‘n’ Pay microwave recycled from Julius Malema’s kitchen and roll their pizza bases on the inner thigh of Jessie Duarte.
Still – you know what you’re getting when you order. And you’ll be tucking into your food while the snobs are still checking a lengthy paper trail concerning the authenticity of the flour, picking weeds in the back garden and fainting from hunger.

In the middle is the happy medium: Butler’s Pizza. Look, it’s not larney, but it’s far from the doughy trash of other delivery services. “Just nice”, some would say. Seth Rotherham, he of 2oceansvibe and snarly jail face fame, has long been a fan of Butler’s and thus, they have recently introduced a new pizza to their range: The Rotherham.

The Rotherham: Bacon, Feta, Salami, Half Mozzarella, Thin Base

Am I the only one bewildered by this bizarre pizza design?
If, as has been previously described, pizza is actually just posh cheese on toast, then why remove half the cheese and half the toast?

“Hmm – I’ll take one ‘The Rotherham’, please.
And I’d like some watered down beer and half a tub of ice cream to go with it.
Actually – while I’m waiting – do you have any Ricoffy?”

A hypothetical situation, obviously, as Butler’s are delivery only. But you (might) get my point.

On the plus side, Butler’s have introduced a real pizza at the same time: The Meaty Foursome, which actually has nothing to do with Jacob Zuma’s polygamous relationships, but is what carnivores such as myself have been crying out for for quite some time now.
It’s almost perfection. If they’d just added Bombay chillies they could have just called it The 6000.

But they didn’t. So they can’t.

Tag: butlers

Tipping point

Pizza Confusion